Tag Archives: Blog Crushes

Things Movies Taught Us

Haaaaaave you met Lisa? Lisa is a humor blogger who plays an unconvincing lawyer in real life.  She shouldn’t be allowed around sharp objects, anything breakable, or anything with carbohydrates.  She prefers dogs over most people, and food over most everything. Her blog will make you feel better about your own life and remind you that vodka is the answer to everything. Except if the question is “What should I throw on this fire?” Then the answer is definitely NOT vodka.

I’m a fan of the 80s. Who isn’t, really? But I like to think I’m a super fan. I also like to think I’m a size 6, but my pants say otherwise.

Whatever. I’m right about the 80s thing.

In addition to my love of Milli-Vanilli and Vanilla Ice (and vanilla ice cream), I also love 80s movies. From a 24-year old Matthew Broderick portraying a high schooler who manages to do an entire week of tourist attractions in 90 minutes, to John Cusack showing us the only real way to show you love someone is to play a boom box loudly at night while sporting a trench coat; 80s movies had a special flare.

It may have been cocaine. Actually, I’m pretty sure it was cocaine.

In honor of this beloved decade, I recently threw my hair in a scrunchie, put down my Rubix Cube, and watched a classic movie from the 80s: The Breakfast Club.

Here’s what I learned from it (aside from the fact I do not look good in hair scrunchies):

1. Pimento does not stick to statues.

This is important information for so many reasons. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wondered if the components of my sandwich would stick to the side of George Washington’s cement face.

I’m happy to report, based upon this film, that lunch meat doesn’t have staying power on a statue. (It also doesn’t have staying power on my stomach.)

I’m hungry.

2. Pixie Sticks are a great condiment for sandwiches.

I always thought pixie sticks were just paper wrappers filled with colored sugar sold in small sticks for the sole purpose of hyping up kids to annoy parents. Who knew they were also great for sprinkling on sandwiches with a side of Cap’n Crunch?

sandwich

I will remember this new condiment rule the next time I’m subjected to my mother-in-law’s cooking. Maybe the sugar rush will also help me get through another session of looking at her photo albums.

Probably not. Vodka is needed for that.

3. Dandruff can be incorporated into art.

I’m not much of an artist, as I like to think my art is the written word. (I know it isn’t, but let me have this.)

However, should I ever find myself in a situation where I need to depict a log cabin on a snowy evening, I will lay off the Head and Shoulders Shampoo for a few days and use my dry scalp to make the artistic piece complete.

It really gives a new meaning to “putting a piece of yourself into the artwork.”

4. Flare guns and lockers do not mix.

The combination of these two will get you detention every time, especially if you bring one to school in order to kill yourself, but then leave it in your locker.

Additional tip: If you plan on killing yourself, you may want to be in the vicinity of the weapon when it’s actually discharged.

Anthony Michael Hall is clearly all looks and no brains.

5. Claire may be a family name, but it’s also a fat girl’s name.

It’s also the name of a great place to get inexpensive earrings and jelly bracelets, which are totally making a comeback.

The 80s really do live on.

6. Show Dick some respect.

Seriously. You should.

7. Anyone can be pretty when enough make-up is applied.

Actually, Kim Kardashian taught us that too.

Before

Before

After

After

8. No one believes you have a girlfriend in Canada.

Just ask Manti Te’o. We should all take a lesson from that guy. That shit will come out.

And no one believes you have a girlfriend anywhere, Anthony Michael Hall.

Take the Dead Zone gig with USA Network and call it a day.

9. If everyone gets up, it WILL be anarchy.

If just Andrew gets up, it will lead to the violation of a fire code.

10. Movies from the 80s were often illogical and featured the same handful of actors.

Yet they are still some of the best movies around. Now who wants to watch Sixteen Candles with me?

This article is copyright protected by federal law by Lisa Newlin of http://lisanewlin.com©. Please don’t steal it, as it’s really the only thing she’s got going for her.


Freshly Pegged: Wolves Are the New Lap Dogs

Haaaaaave you met Peg? I blog crush on her and her Reese’s Cups. (No, that’s not an euphemism.)

Have you heard about Peg’s series Freshly Pegged? That’s where I am today. Because you know who deserves to be Freshly Pegged?

Someone who laughs in the face of danger.

Someone who walks straight into a wolf’s den and says, “I’m not afraid of you.”

Someone who loves all things furry.

Me.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “I once went on a date with a guy that I’m sure had his mother in his freezer at home. He spoke to me with his head tilted to the left and didn’t move his lips when he spoke. During the date I texted my BFF, ‘I know that he wants to wear my boobs for a hat, I do not want to be material for nipple beanies!’ I toughed out the comedy show and made a quick getaway. Thankfully he didn’t know where I live. Dating sucks.”—TrippyBeth


Please Send Me Your Candy

Recently, I went hunting. For Carrot Cake M&Ms.

You: Whoa, Thoughtsy! Those sound amazing! Where can I find them?

I don’t know. I can tell you where I did not find them: two local Walmarts, a Target, a CVS, an end of a rainbow, and four grocery stores.

Just like the Candy Corn Oreos. I never found those either.

I was beginning to think that God hated me.

Or that the blogging world had turned on me.

All of You: Let’s make up yummy candy that doesn’t exist just to mess with Thoughtsy!

Thoughtsy: Jerks….

Then…this came in the mail:

carrot cake

Thank you, Heather at SugarDishMe, for the Carrot Cake M&Ms! You are super awesome! I dropped a thank-you gift in the mail yesterday.

Sunday night I made Carrot Cake Magic Bars. Deeeeelicious.

 Tonight…Cream Cheese and Carrot Cake M&Ms Cookies.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “If someone asks about your eyes, I think you should just tilt your head slightly and stare silently at them.”—Laura


Kill All the Trees!

A few months ago, I switched jobs. Same Special Ops location, different office, different coworkers.

One of my new coworkers is extremely…environmentally friendly.

Which is fine. I like the environment. However, I do tend to kill any plant I try to grow but not on purpose.

On the first day of work, my new coworker handed me a CD with some background documents to read, and he said, “I burned them onto a CD. Savin’ trees, you know?”

Fantastic. Only I didn’t have a computer yet.

The next day I had a few options:

  1. Print out the documents at home and bring them in to read. (My money.)
  2. Sit around and do nothing. (Your tax dollars!)
  3. Ask a coworker to print them out. (Also your tax dollars, but ink and paper is cheaper than my time.)

I opted for Option 3. Even now that I have a computer, I often still print out documents to edit. Instead of hiding from the coworker, I stand over the printer laughing maniacally saying…

Lindsey at Happy or Hungry drew this picture specifically for my post because she's awesome.

Lindsey at Happy or Hungry drew this picture specifically for my post because she’s awesome.

Kill all the trees! BWAHAHAHA!

I catch more mistakes on paper than I do on the computer monitor.

Holy macaroni! I can’t believe I missed that comma splice!

It’s the glow of the screen. It’s distracting.

Thoughtsy : Glowing Screen :: Bug : Bug Zapper

Haaaaaave you met Lindsey? She’s famous for the wedding piggy back fail.  And she just turned the Big 3-0, so you should go wish her a Happy Birthday! 


Blogs Are My Psychiatrists

When I get upset, I have trouble doing anything except fuming and then tearing up. I’m constantly telling my 5 31-year-old self, “Use your words, Thoughtsy.”

But you know what’s even better than using my words to describe how I’m feeling? Using your words.

I Like Boys Who Wear Glasses: Do you really mourn the person you lost? Or do you mourn losing the person you thought he/she was? When you look at it critically… Isn’t what you really lost your dreams, your hopes, your wishes for the future?

I left Kiefer because I lost hope. And I’d reached a point where I needed more than hope.

Simply Solo: But you ARE the one for some man out there, and the more time you waste with the guy who’s not sure, not ready to take the plunge, the more time you will spend in silent heartache. You are not an impatient woman for wanting to be married.

I want to get married. And the guy who doesn’t want to marry me? He isn’t the right guy for me.

Jules’s Guest Post: It’s not supposed to be hard. When it’s right, it’s easy.

Most of Kiefer and I’s relationship was easy, and I think that’s why it lasted so long. We hardly ever argued or had any conflict. And when we did, it was always about his commitment issues.

Cocktails at Tiffany’s Interview with Just Married Girl: “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”—Maya Angelou

Izzie Darling: “If you see a red flag, don’t try to make it magenta. What you see is the way it is. Believe it and act accordingly.”—Magnolia Miller

Favorite Comment From the Last Post: “…If you run into that lady again, as soon as she leaves do that ‘crazy person’ thing where you whirl your finger around your ear and then point at her. No explanation necessary.”—So I Went Undercover