Tag Archives: Army PT Test

A Guest Post From My Blog Wife

I’d like to introduce you to my blog wife, Mrs. Amy Thoughts Appear. Or is it Ms.? Or Amy Fix-It-Or-Deal-Appear? Craaaaap. We didn’t discuss how Amy felt about changing her name. Or maybe I should change my name?

Let’s just stick with Amy at Fix It or Deal.

I can’t tell you how happy I was when I got the email from Thoughtsy letting me know that she had chosen me as her blog wife. Seriously, I can’t tell you. I got a reputation to keep, ya know. Anyway, let’s just say that I was “overly pleased,” and I may have needed a tissue.

We’re quite perfect for each other. I like zombies; she likes zombies. I like movies; she likes movies. I like cupcakes; she bakes cupcakes. It’s a match made in cyberspace.

So, what’s the best way for me to express my devotion to my new blog wife? With an homage, of course.

Without further ado, I present: What Thoughts Appear’s Blog Has Taught Me

  • Pop-Tarts have a very loyal following, and flavor preferences are a very personal thing.
  • If you pay close enough attention, you can learn something from any movie. Even one about arctic Nazi zombies.
  • Florida has an amazing wolf sanctuary where the wolves will walk right up and sit on your lap. (And I experienced it for myself!)
  • There is such as thing as “fake pants.”
  • The US Army Physical Fitness Test is something that I never, ever want to attempt and push-ups are from the devil.
  • If you eat something that is amazingly tasty, it probably has crack in it.
  • There are a lot more steps to riding a mechanical bull than I ever imagined possible.
  • David Zincenko is quite possibly the most miserable man on the planet and really, truly just needs to eat a funnel cake and live a little. Just do it, David. You know you wanna.

Many thanks to my blog wife for letting me take over her blog for a day. But, I guess what’s yours is mine now, right? Except your Pop-Tarts. I would never take those. It’s always good to know your boundaries in a marriage.

Amy, I will totally share my Pop-Tarts with you. That’s why they come in a 2-pack…for sharing.

Are You Army Fit?

Why did I take the Army’s PT Test?

For a free lunch.

Several readers suspect the truth about my occupation: I’m not really in the Special Forces Covert Ops. I’m not even in the Army.

The Colonel where I work allows contractors and civilians to take the PT Test alongside our soldiers. And if you beat his scores (or the ranking female officer’s scores), he buys you lunch.

And this may come as a surprise to you, but I do eat other food besides Pop-Tarts. I love food! Especially free food!

So on Wednesday’s humid 85-degree afternoon, I took the PT Test.

First up was my nemesis: Pushups.

Making this face helps. (http://www.usar.army.mil)

  • Passing Requirement: 17 pushups in 2 minutes. No lifting your hands or feet off the floor.
  • My Number: 1. Fail!
  • Colonel’s Number: 86.

That’s right. I said 1. I am so proud of myself. A month ago I couldn’t do any, so I’m particularly proud of my 1 pushup.

Next was situps. I do crunches regularly, so I didn’t even practice. And as I started doing situps, I realized not practicing was a mistake.

  • Passing Requirement: 45 situps in 2 minutes. No laying on the floor to rest. You can only rest in the up position.
  • My Number: 45. Pass!
  • Colonel’s Number: 120.

The last event was the 2-mile run. I don’t really run. My cardio is usually the elliptical machine or dance aerobic DVDs, and I’ve never run more than a mile.

  • Passing Requirement: 2 miles in 20 minutes and 30 seconds.
  • My Time: 19 minutes and 37 seconds. Pass!
  • Colonel’s Time: 12 minutes and I don’t-remember-how-many seconds.

So no free lunch for me. I’ll get him next time.

One of the coolest things about taking the PT test was the number of supporters. Several Army majors and lieutenant colonels who were taking the test a different came out anyways to cheer us on!

It made me want to join the Army…well, if they get rid of the pushups.

I Failed the Army Physical Fitness Test

Dear Pushups,

You suck. Why do you have to be so difficult?

For about 5 weeks, I’ve been practicing, conditioning, and gearing up for the Army’s Physical Fitness Test. (I even exercised on my cruise!)

And yesterday I failed the pushup section of the PT test. Instead of doing 17 pushups, I did 1.

That’s it. My life is over. I’m about to be kicked out of the Special Forces Covert Ops.

Stupid pushups. I hate you. You have ruined my life.

Not Sincerely,


Just Me and Pauly Shore

So…have I ever told you what I do for a living?

I work for the Special Forces Covert Ops. True story.

Why else would I agree to take the U.S. Army’s Physical Fitness Test? Only because it’s  a requirement. I certainly never would volunteer for it.


So…I have something to confess. I volunteered to take the test for fun. Why? Obviously Pop-Tarts affected my reasoning…my sanity.

While my body is free of Pop-Tart toxins, I’ve set my goal of shooting for the bare minimum: 60%. That’s what people who are really in the Army have to do I have to do to avoid being kicked out of the Special Ops.

  • 2-Mile Run in 20 minutes and 30 seconds
  • Sit Ups: 45 in 2 minutes
  • Push Ups: 17 in 2 minutes

Just for fun, I dropped to the floor to do a push up. And that’s exactly what I did. Drop to the floor. And didn’t get back up.

The test is at the end of April. Plenty of time for me to learn to do 17 push ups. Right? Riiiiiiiiight?