Tag Archives: All I Do Is Pee

Who Snuck the Hooch to the Baby?

Dear Baby,

Last night after our midnight bladder emptying, I settled onto the couch so Kiefer could actually sleep while I spent the next 2 hours trying to find a remotely comfortable sleeping position. (Which I now know is impossible.)

About 20 minutes later when I finally resigned myself to the fact that I was as comfortable as I was ever going to get, you started hiccuping.

W…T…F….

And you kept hiccuping for-ev-er. So I can only assume you’ve been drinking.

You’re in sooooo much trouble. I thought I had more time before we needed to have the Don’t-Drink-Until-You’re-21 talk.

They grow up so fast....

They grow up so fast….

I can handle a lot:

  • The midnight pee breaks.
  • You pressing on my lungs so I can barely breathe.
  • You refusing to move when Boo touches my tummy, so Radley can endlessly taunt him with: “I’ve felt the baby move and you haven’t.”
  • You making it impossible to find a comfortable sleep position.

What I cannot handle is you throwing in my face that while you apparently had an all-night kegger, I’ve been deprived of key lime pie martinis and blueberry margaritas for months. MONTHS!

If I can’t drink, you can’t drink, and I don’t appreciate you throwing your drunken hiccups in my face…er, tummy.

You’re grounded until further notice.

Love,

Your Mama

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “If you did not eat the entire candy bar within 24 hours of receiving it, then we can no longer be friends.”—PinotNinja


The Cold: Bringing Pets Together Since…Forever

Esme Kitty and Ozzy Pups tolerate each other. All Ozzy wants to do is play with Esme. All Esme wants to do is…remain invisible to Ozzy.

That might be too drastic.

Ozzy wants to play with Esme 24/7. Esme wants to play with Ozzy for approximately 20 minutes each day—and that might be a stretch.

Until recently, the only way Esme’s been able to sleep with me on the bed is when she’s under the covers and Ozzy doesn’t know she’s there.

Notice that I said, “Until recently.”

During a midnight bathroom trip, I woke up to this:

Touching

Of course, my midnight bathroom pee trip woke up Kiefer.

Thoughtsy: Oh my god! Don’t move! Esme and Ozzy are on the bed…and they’re TOUCHING!

Kiefer then needed to make his own trek to the bathroom. When he returned, the lights in the bedroom were on.

Thoughtsy: I needed to document this with a picture. I mean, look! Their butts are touching! They’re gonna be besties from now on.

Kiefer: Can I turn the light off now?

Thoughtsy: Yes. Just be careful getting back into bed. Don’t disturb them.

That’s right. I told my husband who was 3-days postsurgery not to disturb the pets.

I was so excited I couldn’t get back to sleep for about an hour. True story.