Category Archives: Food

The Manhattan Project Gave Us Pop-Tarts

The other day I was researching the effects Pop-Tarts might have on my unborn child. I was hoping to find things like:

  • For blue eyes, eat blueberry Pop-Tarts.
  • For brown eyes, eat smore Pop-Tarts.
  • For a baby girl, eat cherry Pop-Tarts.
  • For freckles, eat sprinkled Pop-Tarts.
  • To cure morning sickness, eat Pop-Tarts at every meal.

Apparently, no research has been done on any of that. Obviously, our economy is still going downhill if important Pop-Tart experiments aren’t being performed.

What I did stumble across was this. A Pop-Tart-hater site.

If this is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.

 This site claims the following:

  • The frosting is made from either the blood of a virgin or the saliva of the three-headed canine guardian of Hell’s gate, Cerberus.
  • The main ingredient is evil.
  • They are usually sold in pairs inside packages made of human flesh.
  •  If left out after heating, Pop-Tarts take on a very dense and hardened form, making them very convenient for use as crude bladed weapons, or as throwing stars.

Most importantly, frosted Pop-Tarts are not suitable for vegetarians, as they contain gelatin.

Lies! Lies, I tell you! All of this is mere propaganda probably spread by the folks at Toaster Strudel.

I’m onto you, you Strudel-de-doos. I’m onto you….

Haters gonna hate.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Wait a minute. No sober person has ever eaten a pickled egg…except now, you, pregnant, eat pickled eggs. Soooooo…pickled eggs where drunk people and pregnant people intersect, but they aren’t allowed to be the same people. I made a really cool Venn Diagram to illustrate this, but I can’t save it.”—Omawarisan


Adults Like Pop-Tarts, Too

Before I went to BlogHer last year, I asked Kellogg’s if they would send me some promotional Pop-Tart stuff to hand out.

This was their response (exagerrated paraphrased):

We’re glad you are addicted to, errrr, love Pop-Tarts. Unfortunately, we can’t just go around sending free Pop-Tarts to anyone who asks for them.

Excuse me? Don’t you know who I am? I’m not just anyone: I’m your unofficial spokesperson.

pop-tarts

Sure, if you Google “Pop-Tarts” and go to “Images, ” my blog doesn’t come up until page 10, but if you Google “Pop-Tart vodka,” I’m on page 1 and every other page. In fact, almost half of those pictures are from my blog.

  • An early picture of my vodka collection (It has since then doubled.)
  • Pop-Tarts from the Hipster
  • Mini vodka bottles
  • The Dude-flavored vodka
  • Me blowing out the candle on the birthday cupcake from Misty
  • Me eating Misty’s homemade maple-bacon Pop-Tart
  • A picture of me and Jules.

And so many other pictures of random vodka flavors and random Pop-Tart flavors, always lamenting for Pop-Tart vodka.

I realize a lot of them are vodka-related, and that isn’t real marketable to a younger audience, but adults like Pop-Tarts, too.

That’s my new slogan: Adults Like Pop-Tarts, Too.

Would adding “Boo-Ya!” at the end be too much?

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Dear Mom, It’s my job and I’m doing it Like a Boss. Love, Your Little Pup-Tart. PS – Sleep is overrated. You’ll want to put that on a sleep shirt. PPS – That’s called irony & I’m already a genius.”—NanaBread

 


I Have a Dream

Every night I have the same dream. I dream of a world full of my favorite desserts. A world where…

  • Cookies and cream ice cream flows freely,
  • Smores marshmallows are golden brown,
  • Carrot cake is considered a vegetable,
  • Every day is Halloween,
  • Pop-Tarts grow on trees,
  • Cupcakes fall from the sky with tiny parachutes,
  • Key lime pie sprouts from the ground, and
  • It rains fun-flavored martinis.

Today I woke up and thought my dream was about to come true when I saw this:

Pop-Tart vodka? With sprinkles inside? If that is possible, anything is possible!

Then I saw it wasn’t real.

Some things just aren’t funny.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: The Hipster and Misty’s exchange starting here.


I Challenge You to a Baking Duel

The other day I posted about lemon-flavored Oreos. And they were delicious.  Then I read about watermelon-flavored Oreos…and I cringed.

I love watermelon. But artificial watermelon flavor tastes gross to me. I feel the same way about grapes and apples.

Has anyone tried the watermelon Oreos? Does anyone want to?

Anyways, I’ve seen tons of yummy new foods in the store lately, but I’m not sure what to do with them. I can’t just eat them. That’s so boring!

Lemon

This counts as a fruit.

How can I make this cookie better?

cereal

Dessert for breakfast!

How can I turn add even more sugar to this cereal?

I love desserts. Duh. And I love baking. But I am not creative or brave enough to create my own recipes. That’s where you come in.

Sugar Dish Me, Domestic Rebel, Girl in a Food Frenzy, Nana Bread, ChocChip Guru, Brittany, and all you other foodies…I’m calling you out.*

This is where you say, “Challenge Accepted.”

What can you make with lemon Oreos or this cereal? I personally am going to use the Oreo as a garnish on a Lemon Meringue Pie Martini.

*I totally stole this idea from Misty. If you’re looking for drink recipes, go here.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: Goes to UndercoverL for using the word “asshat” and to Wordifull Melanie for actually leaving a Pop-Tart. The comment got messed up, but it was perfect in the email.


You Look Like a Monkey and Smell Like One Too

So I had a completely different post scheduled for today, but when I came into the office, I had to change it up because my coworkers rock so hard.

sign

toppings

desk

My very own ice cream and toppings bar!

Behold my breakfast, lunch, and dinner today.

Favorite Comment from Last Post: “‘Because after hiking 8.6 miles, you can eat whatever you want without feeling guilty.’That’s true. But sometimes I apply that theory to walking out to the mailbox.”—The Cutter