Category Archives: Family

Oh. My. God. Becky, Look at Her Butt….

Scout looks absolutely nothing like me. She might have my hair, but Kiefer’s hair is darkish, too, so it’s hard to tell.

If I hadn’t been in labor with her for nearly 30 hours, I might question that she was actually my child.

But the other day, this happened:

beanbag

And it reminded me of this:

HPIM1359

Look familiar? Are you looking at my butt? Because that’s not what I meant. Scout’s wearing a diaper, so you can’t really compare our butts.

We both love giant beanbags!

You’re still looking at my butt, aren’t you?

 


When You’re Not Allowed to Ask for Help….

Kiefer recently returned from a 2-week trip. That means it was just me, Scout, and Ozzy ALL the time. Plus Boo and Radley for a couple nights.

Whenever Kiefer leaves—as in within minutes of him getting on the plane and turning off his cell phone—Boo and Radley’s mom calls.

Their Mom: Can you keep the boys tonight/tomorrow night/whenever?

Thoughtsy: Yes….

Forget that I already have plans or have nothing they’ll eat for dinner or was really just looking forward to sitting around pantsless.

This happens for each of Kiefer’s trips…multiple times a trip. To the point that I felt like she knew I wouldn’t say no, so she was taking advantage of the situation.

Two weeks is a long time to not see Boo and Radley, so it’s nice to see them while Kiefer’s away.

But it’s not so nice when I have to pick Radley up from school, take Scout for a drive to nap because she’s transitioning from 3 naps to 2, have to pick up Boo from basketball practice, and make dinner. And the last three things happen in the same 45-minute period.

I need time to mentally prepare myself for that kind of craziness. Not an hour’s notice.

To avoid me having a breakdown while Kiefer was away, he sent his ex an email with the days the boys would stay at our house.

Cue nastiness. She got angry. Said the boys didn’t have to stay there at all and that she could just keep them the whole time.

When the first day rolled around that Boo and Radley were supposed to stay with me, I wasn’t sure if they were coming or not. They came. It was a jam-packed night, but we made it through.

Dear Kiefer’s Ex,

Remember what it was like with your first baby? Remember that you had no idea what you were doing? Remember when you would take the baby for a drive because it-just-won’t-nap-and-you-just-want-to-take-a-shower-dang-it?

Now throw in two other children—who are yours, but not yours. You’re a stepmom, and you really don’t want to lose your patience or temper (SHHHHH! The baby is SLEEPING!) with your stepchildren lest they start dubbing you the “evil stepmother.”

I’m a new mom. I’m a new stepmom. And I’m new to single-parenting…even if it’s only for 2 weeks. All I’m saying is…I need some help, some notice, some understanding.

Thanks, 

Thoughtsy

PS: Kiefer’s next trip is next month, so please reread this letter in January.


Want a Pet? Go to IKEA

A month or so ago, Radley’s mom got him a cell phone.

Almost all of our text exchanges involve him sending me pictures. Pictures of desserts, cats, and dogs.

Over the weekend, Kiefer took Boo and Radley to IKEA. A couple hours later, Radley texted me a picture of a cat and said, “Named Phoebe.”

Apparently, IKEA sells cats now.

These cats come free with the shelves.

*IKEA does not sell cats. But IKEA is guaranteed to make your kids so grumpy that you’ll agree to swing by PetSmart on your way home just to put everyone in a better mood.

Thoughtsy: Awwww….

Radley: Dad said we should get her.

Apparently, IKEA will also make your cat-hating husband (who’s only just begun to love your current cat) think adopting another cat is a good idea.

Thoughtsy: I don’t believe you.

Radley: He did. She doesn’t mind dogs and would love another cat around.

Thoughtsy: I’m not sure Esme Kitty would feel the same way.

When Kiefer and my stepsons arrived home, Radley came in first and said, “Wait here. They’re bringing you a surprise.”

Surely IKEA wasn’t bad enough to make Kiefer forget that he’s allergic to cats, that he only recently built up a tolerance to Esme, that the boys barely take care of Ozzy and Esme as it is, and that…oh right…we have a baby arriving in 2.5 weeks!

Boo: We picked you up some orange slices.

Thoughtsy: Thanks! No cat?

Kiefer: No cat.

So, no, IKEA isn’t that bad. But Kiefer also didn’t actually buy anything that needed assembly. If so, we might have ended up with another cat…or two.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Laying down with your feet up….isn’t that maybe how you got yourself into the pregnancy predicament to begin with?”—SandyLand


What Is It With Mothers and Coats?

Coworker: Make sure you’re bundled up because it’s cold enough that the baby can feel it.

Reeeeeeeeally.

The baby has me as a coat. I think she’s fine.

So here’s the deal: I hate wearing coats in the car. They make me feel confined.

Plus…you can’t put your arms down.

If I’m walking 30 feet to my car, I often don’t put a coat on.

The same is true of exiting my car. Unless it’s super windy or snowing, I’m not wearing my coat to walk 30 feet to the building I work in.

I’ve always run hot. Because that comes from my dad’s side of the family, my own mom struggled with this. Here was her coat evolution:

  • Put on your coat and gloves on.
  • Put your coat on and put gloves in the pockets.
  • Zip it up.
  • Zip it up all the way!
  • Where’s your coat? Why aren’t you wearing it?
  • Fine. You don’t have to wear a coat, but you do have to put it in the car in case you get stuck somewhere.*

*You’ll notice there is no mention of hats. Hats were a lost cause.

And that’s how I’ve rolled ever since. I may not be wearing a coat, but I always have one.

Will I make the baby wear a coat? Of course. But not while she’s still in my tummy. That’s just overkill.


Radley Discovers the Pun

When Kiefer and I first started dating, Radley was 5. He was a cutie who always wanted me to carry him or let him sit in my lap.

July4A

We may or may not have also been into matching the color of our shirts.

And then one time, Radley farted…while he was in my lap.

I told him it would be great if he could stand up next time. So from then on, randomly he would pop off my lap, take a few steps away, fart, and then climb back into my lap.

It was hilarious.

In addition to farting-lapsitting etiquette, Radley also had no idea what sarcasm was.

Kiefer: Thoughtsy, look! A pumpkin scone!

Thoughtsy: My favorite!

Radley: Wait…I thought you didn’t like pumpkin?

Now Radley’s almost 11, and he loves sarcasm.

Radley: Now don’t eat my pumpkin pie, Thoughtsy. I know how much you love it.

Not only has he mastered sarcasm, he’s also mastered the pun:

Radley busts in on Boo while he’s in the bathroom. Screaming and laughing commences. Then…

Radley: Dad, I think I broke the bathroom door knob! I think it needs to be screwed back in.

Kiefer: Stop screwing around up there! (This pun was completely unintentional.)

Radley: Nice one, Dad. I see what you did there. Screw. Ha-ha!

Radley still has a lot to learn though.

Radley: I want to be Michael Myers or Jason for Halloween.

A couple weeks later when Kiefer and I were watching Halloween

Radley: Who is that guy?

Obviously, we’ve spent too much time on word play and not enough time watching horror movies.

Got any kid stories to share? They don’t have to be your kids.