When You’re Not Allowed to Ask for Help….

Kiefer recently returned from a 2-week trip. That means it was just me, Scout, and Ozzy ALL the time. Plus Boo and Radley for a couple nights.

Whenever Kiefer leaves—as in within minutes of him getting on the plane and turning off his cell phone—Boo and Radley’s mom calls.

Their Mom: Can you keep the boys tonight/tomorrow night/whenever?

Thoughtsy: Yes….

Forget that I already have plans or have nothing they’ll eat for dinner or was really just looking forward to sitting around pantsless.

This happens for each of Kiefer’s trips…multiple times a trip. To the point that I felt like she knew I wouldn’t say no, so she was taking advantage of the situation.

Two weeks is a long time to not see Boo and Radley, so it’s nice to see them while Kiefer’s away.

But it’s not so nice when I have to pick Radley up from school, take Scout for a drive to nap because she’s transitioning from 3 naps to 2, have to pick up Boo from basketball practice, and make dinner. And the last three things happen in the same 45-minute period.

I need time to mentally prepare myself for that kind of craziness. Not an hour’s notice.

To avoid me having a breakdown while Kiefer was away, he sent his ex an email with the days the boys would stay at our house.

Cue nastiness. She got angry. Said the boys didn’t have to stay there at all and that she could just keep them the whole time.

When the first day rolled around that Boo and Radley were supposed to stay with me, I wasn’t sure if they were coming or not. They came. It was a jam-packed night, but we made it through.

Dear Kiefer’s Ex,

Remember what it was like with your first baby? Remember that you had no idea what you were doing? Remember when you would take the baby for a drive because it-just-won’t-nap-and-you-just-want-to-take-a-shower-dang-it?

Now throw in two other children—who are yours, but not yours. You’re a stepmom, and you really don’t want to lose your patience or temper (SHHHHH! The baby is SLEEPING!) with your stepchildren lest they start dubbing you the “evil stepmother.”

I’m a new mom. I’m a new stepmom. And I’m new to single-parenting…even if it’s only for 2 weeks. All I’m saying is…I need some help, some notice, some understanding.



PS: Kiefer’s next trip is next month, so please reread this letter in January.

About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

9 responses to “When You’re Not Allowed to Ask for Help….

  • Hippie Cahier

    Weekdays are kind of hard (though not impossible, especially since there’s a holiday in January), but I would be more than happy to come take Boo and Radley on an adventure during the weekend so you can have some quality pantsless time.

  • Misty

    It definitely sounds like she’s taking advantage. She knows that you are too nice to say no, while Keifer might otherwise. It is incredibly hard to do the single parent thing while your hubs travels and you have a newborn. Then add two more kids and it’s damn near impossible. Believe me, I know. You are completely within your right to set some boundaries.

  • Angelia Sims

    Oh girl…I feel ya, honey. As a step-mom for sure. My husband traveled to Houston and he takes the girls to school every morning. Well, guess who got the honors? I didn’t mind…but man I sure like sleeping in and then walking to my desk for work (since I telecommute). Getting up 2 hours earlier to turn off the alarm and prepare myself to drive. Phew! I can’t IMAGINE adding a baby to the mix! This step-mom stuff isn’t easy. Good thing we love those darlings. 🙂

    You are a saintess!

  • engcw400group3

    Ah the blended family joys! Often looks like exactly that, a blender filled with grown folks and kiddos! Sorry you are being pulsed, hope it smooths out soon!
    Savannah Smiles

  • pegoleg

    Stepping, as in being a stepparent, sounds like stepping, as in through a mine field. Put your foot down the wrong way and somebody is going to blow up. Added to being a new mom and it’s enough for any woman to pull her hair out. Hang in there, Thoughtsy!

  • Choc Chip Uru

    Wow it sounds like she is trying to take advantage of your niceness! It is such a difficult situation, hang in there with your head up girl!

    Choc Chip Uru

  • Bonnie

    Extremely well said, Thoughtsy. And in ever the classy lady you always are, way.

  • pearlsandprose

    She’s definitely taking advantage. Sorry to hear you’re going through this. As a stepmom, I can relate. It’s really hard to speak up without sounding like the evil stepmom indeed. You will find your way, I’m sure.

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