Self-Flushing Toilets: A Woman’s Worst Enemy

I recently decided not to return to work, so I can stay home with Scout. Now that’s she’s smiling sans gas, I don’t want to miss one second of her cuteness.

I’ll miss my coworkers, but one thing I will not miss is the work restroom. Specifically, the self-flushing toilets.

I don’t really understand self-flushing toilets. Are people so lazy they really can’t be bothered to flush a toilet?

Just to be clear: you just press down.


So an engineer decided to take out his anger at nonflushing people on all of us. The engineer said, “You know what would be funny? If the toilet flushed randomly, giving people everywhere wet bottoms.”

The toilets at my work flush without warning. And they flush with such force that water sprays up. All over the toilet seat if you’re lucky, and all over your behind if you’re unlucky.

While I was pregnant, it was even worse. I’d run to the bathroom heaving with morning sickness, and while I was leaning over the toilet, it would flush, so I’d have to jump up mid-gag to avoid a face full of toilet water.

Thank goodness I only had morning sickness the first trimester. In the third trimester, there’d have been no jumping up.

Oooooooor…maybe self-flushing toilets aren’t because of lazy people. Maybe it has something to do with germs? Some genius said, “People touch the toilet handle with dirty hands, so let’s have it flush automatically.”

If that’s the case, why doesn’t the stall door open automatically? Imagine the trouble that would cause: bathroom stall doors opening randomly midpee. It would be chaos.

But a wet tushie…that’s so much better.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Those were the days. Now, people look at you funny when you bring your 9-year-old into the comfy-chair breastfeeding room. Haters.”—Pegoleg



About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

20 responses to “Self-Flushing Toilets: A Woman’s Worst Enemy

  • Betty

    I hate those things too! Half the time, I find that they don’t self flush and then end up trying to wave my hand by the sensor or locate that tiny little button. Ugh!

  • mistyslaws

    One day, one day very soon, all things will be automatic. In fact, you can probably just push a button (or waive your hand over a sensor), and your pee will be electronically transported to the toilets, without ever having to leave the comfort of your chair. Ahhhh.

  • PigLove

    I’m not sure what you are talking about for obvious reasons – I’m a pig. BUT, mommy says she hates them too. Where is this world leading us? Automatic using the potty? Now *that* is something I can go for! Snorts. XOXO – Bacon

  • Gerri

    Funny, I can picture the doors randomly opening, and everyone screaming! I find they startle me…

  • December Jewel

    omgoodness! LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL… I laughed through this post because I HATE those self-flushing toilets. Did you see those new ‘conservation’ toilets. Press the first flusher button if you went #1 and press the second flusher button if you went #2… One of my friends had the conservation toilet, and before I went to use it, she said, “Wait! Linda, I have to show you how to use the new toilet.” I looked at her like she had five heads.

  • swo8

    Point well taken. Not a good place to throw up in, and their timing can be off. There is a big startle effect too.

  • Brittany

    Agreed, I would like to be able to tell the fancy self flusher when I am done. THEN it can self flush, but not mid pee. Then we will have pee on the floor.

  • bevchen

    Aaah, this happens to me all the time. Then when I actually want the thing to flus, it refuses. I feel like such an idiot standing waving at a toilet waiting for it to flush!

  • Bluzdude

    Am I the only one who feels sad for your co workers, because they won’t have you around anymore?

  • runtspickins

    Congratulations on being able to stay home! I wish I could! That’s such a blessing that you’re able to do that!
    I kind of like self-flushing… I’ve never experienced one randomly flushing while in use… lol!

  • pegoleg

    Totally hate those toilets, even though I understand the need – people may be OK, but “People”, with a capital P, are slobs.

    I never experienced or thought of the implications of those toilets for someone in mid-vomit. Yikes! That’s just adding insult to injury.

  • LauraALord

    Those things are number one on the guaranteed way to scare the crap out of your children. Every. Single. Time.

  • She's a Maineiac

    Enjoy staying home and having a blissfully dry butt!

  • Dana

    Can you charge an auto toilet with s. assault?

  • AbsentElemental

    I’m pretty sure the point to a auto flush toilet is for sanitary reasons (in that your hands don’t have to touch the handle). Since you’re washing your hands though (in theory), whether or not you touch the handle is irrelevant. I propose an alternative to self-flushing toilets: self-opening refrigerators. I just want a fridge to open when I stand in front of it. Is that too much to ask?

  • correctionsandclarifications

    Those toilets are real time savers though. If you go in with some shampoo, you can squeeze in a quick shower.

  • Jackie Cangro

    These crazy toilets. They flush when you don’t want them to, but when it’s time to flush, they just sit there mocking you. No amount of waving in front of the sensor will get them to flush.

  • brickhousechick

    Ay, I can’t imagine getting face splashed! Because of some unknown electromagnetic field issue my body has, none of the self-flushing, drying, washing “apparati” work with me. More pics of baby Scout soon?

  • Laura

    We have those automatic toilets at work and I hate them. I’m terrified that they’ll make me develop the habit of not flushing *any* toilet.

  • Holly Connors

    The only time I’ve used a self flushing toilet, it flushed while I was still midstream. Eeek! Never thought about trying to manage morning sickness with one haha Oh dear!

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