The Truth About Mary Poppins

While Kiefer, Boo, and Radley had a boys’ night out, I settled onto the couch in my pajamas. Just when I was about to declare that nothing was on, I found Mary Poppins.

Now there’s a no-nonsense lady who had her shit together. Her nannying skills whip that house into shape in less than a week—which is probably why she has no references. My dad always said you need to stay at a job at least 6 months.

Here’s what I learned from the movie:

• Just because Mary Poppins can fly doesn’t mean she’s a witch. Witches have brooms. I suspect Mary Poppins was probably one of the early X-Men.
  

  No broom and no pointy hat = Not a witch.

• If you snap your fingers, your room will clean itself. What the heck, Poppins! You just set up all parents and nannies for failure.
• If medicine tastes good—like a spoon full of sugar—children will take it. Tell me something I don’t know. We do this with Ozzy Pups all the time…except we use peanut butter.
• You never need a reason to step in time. And no one will get mad about chimney soot being tracked all over their house as long as you sing and dance while doing it.
  

  In my house, let’s keep it confined to the roof, gentlemen.

Most importantly, I learned the correct way to fire someone. You bust the top of his hat out and break his umbrella. The firing is just implied.