The other morning Ozzy and I got up while it was still dark outside. Actually…it’s always dark when Ozzy and I get up.
I opened the door to let Ozzy outside. Instead of his usual mad dash for squirrels, he took one step and then froze (not literally) in the doorway.
Open the door! The squirrels are getting away!
He looked at me, and I swear he said, “I don’t have to pee that bad. I can hold it.”
Esme Kitty saw his hesitation as her chance, and she dashed out while meow-yelling, “YOU CAN NEVER TAKE…MY FREEDOM!”
I let go of the door and reached down to grab Esme. Unfortunately, that lined up my eye with the door handle. SMACK!
The next 5 seconds went like this:
Thoughtsy: Power through the pain! Must…get…black cat…before the darkness swallows her up whole.
Ozzy Pups: THE CAT IS ESCAPING! ::he starts to chase Esme::
Thoughtsy: Screw the cat. She has fur for a reason. Ozzy will herd her home anyways.
Ozzy Pups: ::after 5 steps:: Screw the cat. It’s even too cold for chasing.
Thoughtsy: I will never forgive myself if Esme turns into a catsicle. ::walks outside::
Esme: Freedom is cold. So very cold.
And that’s when Esme ran back to the door and started pawing at it to be let in. Ozzy followed.
Esme: This coat is now mine. Get another.
Once back inside, my adrenaline rush was over. My head raced:
- I’m gonna have a black eye.
- Do I put steak on it or frozen peas?
- What if I have a concussion? I shouldn’t go to sleep.
- WHAT IF I DON’T EVEN HAVE AN EYE ANYMORE?!?!?!
The good news is I still have a fully functioning eye. The bad news is it looks like I’ve applied blue and purple eyeshadow to only one eye. I can’t wait it turns green.
Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Ok, I’ll admit it…..I took the baby out for key lime pie martinis. What? I’ve been waiting for you FOREVER. At least somebody in your family still knows how to have some fun!”—Misty’s Laws
January 9th, 2014 at 8:48 am
Good to note that threatening to to get your kid liquored up gets me fave comment! 😉
Oh, and I say use this black eye to your advantage….tell Keifer that if he doesn’t get the baby’s room ready, you’re gonna tell everyone at work that he’s the cause.
January 9th, 2014 at 9:22 am
)))
January 9th, 2014 at 11:04 am
D’OH!
January 9th, 2014 at 11:19 am
I was just going to say, put purple and black eye shadow on the other eye, and take some pictures. Then one day you can tell your kid how becoming pregant made you a Goth Girl.
January 9th, 2014 at 12:56 pm
I would not blame Kiefer for it – he might get some applause from the wrong kind of people …
January 9th, 2014 at 1:08 pm
laughing and wincing for you. bloody cats I love mine but Im sure she will cause my untimely demise one day.
January 9th, 2014 at 1:23 pm
Sounds like my morning cat story! Only mine happens almost daily… And my cat is just afraid of the outside in general (it doesn’t get that cold here is Houston lol)
January 9th, 2014 at 2:49 pm
Ok, I’ll admit it; I’m taking Esme out for key lime pie martinis…
January 9th, 2014 at 6:40 pm
You Hollywood types and your glamorous lifestyles! You should put some beluga caviar on that shiner!
January 9th, 2014 at 7:45 pm
Cute post :*
January 9th, 2014 at 9:26 pm
Wear that black eye like a battle scar! If anyone asks, tell them that you obtained it while doing a search and rescue mission to save a life even though you are very pregnant. When they press for details, just feign modesty and quickly change the subject.
January 9th, 2014 at 10:11 pm
Damn cat…mine loves to escape too. He comes back after like 20 minutes..little pussy.
January 10th, 2014 at 12:36 am
I got a bad black eye several years ago when I had a run-in with a cement step so I got this down to an art form. First of all, think of several preposterous stories for how you got it. Alternate each time someone asks you how you got it. NEVER tell the truth because that’s no fun. Also, moan occasionally and touch your head whenever Kiefer asks you to do something. You have the added benefit of being pregnant so the belly touch will only make you look more pitiable, and you can get chocolates and pop-tarts out of the deal. This also works on family and random strangers in public, resulting in free stuff.
Esme just handed you a golden ticket, Thoughtsy. Use it wisely.
(In seriousness though, put some frozen peas on that sucker, and take whatever pain meds the doctors let pregnant ladies take. That eye is going to hurt for a couple days.) 😦
January 10th, 2014 at 4:31 am
You need one of those pirate-style eye patches. Depending on the degree of sympathy you want, you could wear it over either your good eye or your bad eye.
January 11th, 2014 at 12:44 pm
My puppy threw his head back and got me in the eye a few years back. Screwed me up for a few days. Hope your eye is doing better today!
January 11th, 2014 at 4:22 pm
Catsicle! Best new word I’ve learned today! What a hoot of a story, Thoughts.
January 21st, 2014 at 7:26 pm
lol, very funny stuff!