The Blue Hat Hospital Club Welcomes a New Member

On Monday, Kiefer had surgery (he’s ok). Medical procedures and Kiefer are always a fun combination…for me, not him.

A few years ago, Kiefer had Lasik. The aftermath (aka Drugged-Up Kiefer) was entertaining. After insisting he was fine, he nearly fell off the curb and spent 5 minutes trying to get the key in the front door.

Once we were home, I gave him a lemon-filled powdered doughnut because I’m evil the lemon ones were one of his favorites and I wanted one for myself, too.

Powder everywhere. And he had no clue.

Kiefer looked like this…but older.

But the drugs from this surgery weren’t fun drugs. They were groggy drugs. Which meant instead of snickering at a sugar-covered Kiefer, I answered his same questions over and over again.

No fun.

But I had plenty of other entertainment at the hospital eavesdropping people watching. Here’s what I learned:

  • One lady doesn’t shave her legs during any months with an “R” in them.
  • Hospitals have a Blue Hat Club. All the important people wear the blue scrub-hair-covering things.
  • When delivering your baby, have an overnight bag…and a cooler. It was probably full of beer.
  • Hospitals give you free socks.
  • Leave the room entirely when someone get an IV.

This last one is especially important. I turned away when Kiefer got his IV. Only the first one didn’t work, so I turned back around just in time to see a bloody needle.

And that was enough to send a queasy pregnant me to the bathroom gagging.

Hopefully, when I go into labor, the nurse will only stick me once. Otherwise…

Damn you, karma.

About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

9 responses to “The Blue Hat Hospital Club Welcomes a New Member

  • mistyslaws

    Yeah, I almost passed out one time when my MIL was getting an IV . . . and I wasn’t even pregnant! Don’t worry . . . you’ll be distracted by all the knives trying to rip out your insides and won’t pay any attention to the big needle being stuck into your arm. See? Feel better, right? 😉

  • bevchen

    Free socks? I did not know that…

  • SandyLand

    “Hospitals give you free socks” Whaaaaat???
    I had an accident when I was in high school where the paramedics had to cut my BRAND NEW LEVIS (I was devastated) off me and when I was discharged from the hospital they sent me home with no pants. I had to beg an orderly to let me wear a pair of hospital bottoms so that my bare ass wouldn’t be all over the place. He loaned me the pants but under the distinct contract that I bring them back the very next day.
    Oh and lemon donuts…mmmmmmmmmm.

  • Madame Weebles

    To be fair, if I were about to deliver, I might want a cooler full of booze too. I never minded watching someone get an IV inserted, I think it’s kind of interesting. But if I were pregnant I might feel differently.

    Also, lemon-filled donuts are good for what ails. Any donut is good for what ails, really.

  • bluzdude

    Hospital slipper-socks are the best part of any hospital visit. In fact, in April I went to the hospital, not because I needed to pass a kidney stone, but because my old hospital slipper socks were getting threadbare.

    Also, I’ve been stuck for blood probably a zillion times by now. I never look, ever, when they do it. I’m afraid I’ll flinch and they’ll miss. Next thing you know, my room looks like a set from “Dexter.”

  • Choc Chip Uru

    Haha the beer would numb the pain more than any anaesthetic 😛


    P.S I seem to have lost around 1000 subscribers on my blog and I don’t know how, so if you were subscribed, could you resubscribe please? it would really help me out!

  • Jackie Cangro

    Many hospitals also have a Bare Bum Club due to those snazzy gowns.

  • Deborah the Closet Monster

    Even reading the words following “turned back around just in time” makes me a little dizzy!

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