Back in December, my doctor’s office screwed up. They were supposed to test my progesterone levels, and instead they told me my blood type. That was Doctor #1.
In June, they tested for blood disorders. While I was waiting for results, I found out I was pregnant, so I had more blood drawn.
When the doctor called to tell me congratulations, he asked, “So what are you doing about your blood disorder?”
Huh?
Because I really liked Doctor #2 (he was the only doctor willing to test for blood disorders), I overlooked this mistake.
Unfortunately, Doctor #2 no longer delivers babies, so I started seeing Doctors #3-7 at the same practice because you don’t know who will be on call when you deliver.
Doctor #3? Fine.
Then Doctor #4 asked if my insurance would cover cystic fibrosis carrier testing. It did. While I waited for my cystic fibrosis results, I visited my specialist for an ultrasound.
The specialist saw something on the ultrasound that could mean the baby had an infection or cystic fibrosis, so he wanted to take blood. And because I love needles and am quite fond of keeping my blood in my body, I said…
Me: Just test for infections. You can skip cystic fibrosis because my doctor’s office just took blood for that.
That entire week I was a mess. It was the day after our wedding; I was supposed to go to Texas: I didn’t.
The specialist’s office called me 4 days later with the infections results: All clear.
It had been 6 days since the OB’s office drew my blood, so I called for my results.
Doctor’s Office: Your neural tube birth defects test came back fine.
Me: And my cystic fibrosis test?
Doctor’s Office: We didn’t test for that.
Me: Doctor #4 said you were going to.
Doctor’s Office: We can draw that at next month’s appointment.
Me: No. The specialist is concerned about something on the ultrasound; I’m not waiting 3 more weeks.
I will gut you like a fish!
Bitch, I will cut you.
Needless to say, I’m done with that office. I understand people make mistakes, but three times is too much for me.
Tomorrow I’m going to a completely different doctor’s office. Wish me luck!
Thoughts Appear 
October 3rd, 2013 at 8:09 am
Adventures in Babysitting, for the win!! Love that movie.
But yeah, there are only so much “whoopsies!” you can stomach before you need to cut the cord and move on to people who aren’t incompetant!
October 7th, 2013 at 7:50 am
Ewwww…. Don’t say, “cut the cord.”
October 3rd, 2013 at 8:37 am
Wow, what an absolute drag! On the upside, for what it’s worth, I really do appreciate your writing. Good luck, John
October 3rd, 2013 at 8:57 am
Are you sure that office is not run by the Cullen clan. Seems pretty sinister to me, not that I’m one for conspiracy theories or anything. Just saying.
October 3rd, 2013 at 9:38 am
That would explain a lot.
October 3rd, 2013 at 8:59 am
Good luck with the new practice — maybe just write them down a list of everything you want with little check boxes that they can tick off when they do it? It works for kindergarteners….
October 3rd, 2013 at 9:03 am
sounds like sound advice!
October 7th, 2013 at 7:51 am
I love checklists!
October 3rd, 2013 at 9:15 am
I haven’t even read this yet. I just want to say, before reading, that the title of the post is my FAVORITE movie line of ALL time. It is my personal motto, but you can only say it to people who know this movie and that scene. It’s sooooooooo true of me: I prefer to go the nice and sweet route, but when somebody (and at least one of them knows who he is and I hope he’s f*cking reading this, the f*cker) crosses the line, they have f*cked with the babysitter.
Whew.
Ok, now that my adrenaline is calmer, I’ll go back and read. Move along now. The hippie/babysitter’s rant is over. 🙂
October 3rd, 2013 at 9:16 am
Ok, now I’ve read it. You wanna borrow my switchblade? Good luck!
October 3rd, 2013 at 9:33 am
P.S. I’m sorry for the cursing. You can remove that. I’ll just be over here in the timeout corner. . . .
October 3rd, 2013 at 9:39 am
No way am I removing that! That…was…AWESOME!
October 3rd, 2013 at 8:28 pm
It *was* kind of cathartic. 😉
October 3rd, 2013 at 9:37 am
You are your own best advocate, and now your baby’s. Whatever it takes to get the best care for you both!
October 3rd, 2013 at 9:40 am
Reminds me of the midwives’ practice I went to when I was pregnant with my son. They wanted me to take a glucose tolerance test. At the time, I couldn’t consume sugar because every time I did, I’d suffer a terrible migraine. They said, “Fine, we’ll have our nutritionist create an equivalent meal with real food.” What did she prescribe? Oreo cookies and Coke. I kid you not. So I ate oatmeal, orange juice, and something else. They were upset with me. They tried to draw blood. Two to three attempts in each arm, one to two attempts for each hand, and then once from my foot. All of this effort took over an hour, and of course, I, who normally don’t even wince when poked with a needle, had begun to dread each new invasion of my body. In the meantime, my blood sugar levels had of course dropped, which I predicted for them. They received the results from the lab and called me. “Your levels were too low; we have to test you again!” “Really? I am so surprised and no way. My levels were low because I did not subject myself to the ‘food’ your ‘nutritionist’ prescribed, and your entire staff was incompetent at drawing blood within the dictated timeframe. Besides aren’t you really worried that I might have too high levels, indicating gestational diabetes?” And this instance was only the first time they demonstrated their incompetence. It just got worse, especially during and after his birth; to this day I wonder why I stayed with them. So run to someone else fast. Ask all of your friends who they recommend. That’s what I did, and for my daughter’s birth, I had the most wonderful doctor.
October 7th, 2013 at 7:52 am
That sounds awful!
Wait…you mean Oreos aren’t sugar-free?
October 3rd, 2013 at 11:21 am
Dear God this is ridiculous…FIRED! I hope you have better luck with a new office, good move!
October 7th, 2013 at 7:53 am
I wish you were in charge.
October 3rd, 2013 at 12:29 pm
Praying that all goes well! I think that doctors do that just to screw us over more with charging ridiculous fees, and co-pays. I hope this new office will be much better!
October 3rd, 2013 at 12:55 pm
Oh Thoughtsy! I’m so sorry you are going through this crap! I hope the new doctors office is more competent. This is just awful!
October 3rd, 2013 at 1:33 pm
Come to my coast I will hook you up with the best doctor ever. It’s not too far for bi-monthly visits right???
October 7th, 2013 at 7:53 am
Will my insurance cover the flights?
October 3rd, 2013 at 1:53 pm
It really is amazing the level of communication breakdown that happens in doctor’s offices. I hope your next place is better!
October 3rd, 2013 at 1:54 pm
Jeez, I’m so glad those doctors get paid hundreds of thousands of dollars a year. They obviously earned it…NOT.
Good luck with the new office!
October 3rd, 2013 at 2:13 pm
I don’t blame you for wanting to go elsewhere! The only problem is, you know they’re going to want to do an entire battery of NEW tests involving bodily fluids because they won’t trust the old place. Sorry.
October 7th, 2013 at 7:54 am
Luckily, my old office is competent at sending paperwork. No new tests!
October 3rd, 2013 at 3:22 pm
“Nobody leaves this (office) without singin’ the blues!”
October 3rd, 2013 at 5:19 pm
Vampires…or incompetent/failed their practicals multiple times nurses…either way, I’d run for the hills too.
October 4th, 2013 at 8:54 am
Good for you!
October 4th, 2013 at 10:17 am
Holy geez, talk about unneeded stress… Good luck with the next one!
October 4th, 2013 at 2:30 pm
Doctors can be so frustrating! It’s like they speak a different language. Good luck finding the doc of your obstetrical dreams.
October 4th, 2013 at 5:07 pm
Yeah, it’s not like you’re shopping at WalMart. Doctors cost so much money, I refuse to pay for lousy treatment. Good luck finding a better practice.
October 5th, 2013 at 11:53 am
I just began a boycott of my chiropractor’s office for similar reasons. And that’s a small office – but still no one is communicating with each other. “You’ll have to ask the doctor to change that, I can’t”
Well…then can you get him from the room NEXT DOOR?!!
I’m sorry you’re dealing with so much stress. I can’t imagine it with a baby involved too. I hope this other office gives you better care, comfort, and ANSWERS.
October 7th, 2013 at 7:55 am
Ick! What a pain!
October 6th, 2013 at 9:00 pm
Not related to this post…I had a referral from your blog to my blog so I just followed the link, thinking it was your latest. And boy, was I panicking! It was from LAST September – I thought I’d missed a bunch of bad news.
Glad to be back to your current posts, where all is as it should be.
October 7th, 2013 at 7:50 am
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