The other day I was researching the effects Pop-Tarts might have on my unborn child. I was hoping to find things like:
- For blue eyes, eat blueberry Pop-Tarts.
- For brown eyes, eat smore Pop-Tarts.
- For a baby girl, eat cherry Pop-Tarts.
- For freckles, eat sprinkled Pop-Tarts.
- To cure morning sickness, eat Pop-Tarts at every meal.
Apparently, no research has been done on any of that. Obviously, our economy is still going downhill if important Pop-Tart experiments aren’t being performed.
What I did stumble across was this. A Pop-Tart-hater site.
This site claims the following:
- The frosting is made from either the blood of a virgin or the saliva of the three-headed canine guardian of Hell’s gate, Cerberus.
- The main ingredient is evil.
- They are usually sold in pairs inside packages made of human flesh.
- If left out after heating, Pop-Tarts take on a very dense and hardened form, making them very convenient for use as crude bladed weapons, or as throwing stars.
Most importantly, frosted Pop-Tarts are not suitable for vegetarians, as they contain gelatin.
Lies! Lies, I tell you! All of this is mere propaganda probably spread by the folks at Toaster Strudel.
I’m onto you, you Strudel-de-doos. I’m onto you….
Haters gonna hate.
Favorite Comment From Last Post: “Wait a minute. No sober person has ever eaten a pickled egg…except now, you, pregnant, eat pickled eggs. Soooooo…pickled eggs where drunk people and pregnant people intersect, but they aren’t allowed to be the same people. I made a really cool Venn Diagram to illustrate this, but I can’t save it.”—Omawarisan