Never Mess With a Pregnant Woman’s Food

My cravings snuck up on me. No midnight runs for Kiefer. Then one day I looked at the food from the grocery store and saw I’d bought…


Seriously? How stereotypical.

On my next grocery trip, I came home with peaches, chips and dip, Twinkies, and two flavors of pudding Snack Paks.

Thoughtsy: Never send a pregnant woman to the grocery store.

Kiefer: Are you kidding? A pregnant woman is the best person to send to the grocery store.

After that, I decided to control my cravings. I walked by candy orange slices and start salivating, but I resisted buying them. Take that, craving! I win!

The minute I got home, I sent Kiefer out to buy orange slices.

I’ve eaten a gazillion of these little crack slices. At least they count as a fruit.

Every time we got in the car, I made us stop for orange slices. Every. Time.

Thoughtsy: ::buckling seatbelt:: Can we stop and get orange slices?

Kiefer: We’re going out for dinner.

Thoughtsy: Orange slices….

Kiefer: The restaurant is 5 minutes from here.

Thoughtsy: ORANGE SLICES! I’m feeling low on Vitamin C.

Finally, I gave up and just started buying whatever I wanted.

Kiefer: Why are these eggs purple? What did you buy?

Thoughtsy: Pickled eggs. Haven’t you ever had one? They’re good. Don’t be racist against the purple eggs. I eat your cage-free, organic brown eggs.

Kiefer: You are sooooo pregnant.

Thoughtsy: I’ve totally eaten pickled eggs before! I eat them all the time!

Kiefer: When’s the last time you had one?

Thoughtsy: Like 3 years ago. Shut up.

Following the pickled egg debacle, I was on a juice kick. At any given time, at least 4 bottles of juice were in our refrigerator.

Kiefer: Hurry up and finish your pickles. We don’t have room for all this juice.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “My Noah was a girl for five minutes. Then he grew a penis. Right there on the ultrasound. So boy.”—Kimberly Pugliano

About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

33 responses to “Never Mess With a Pregnant Woman’s Food

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