One of the perks of living with Kiefer is cable TV. I get by on my Netflix alone. And while Kiefer is traveling for work, I can watch whatever I want with no judgment.
The other Saturday morning I flipped on the TV, and…nothing was on.
Except lots and lots of Christmas movies.
I panicked. How long had I been asleep? Had I turned into Rip Van Winkle?
Then it hit me: It was Christmas in July. So I opted to watch Home Alone since Kiefer was gone, and I myself was home alone. What if some burglars tried to break in? I needed to be prepared.
Here’s what I learned:
- Aftershave burns. But keep putting it on your face anyways.
- “Pump your guts full of lead” means shooting you.
- The proper way to count is 1…2…10.
- The best defense involves paint cans on ropes. And blow torches.
- The worst defense involves feathers because it just pisses them off.
Ultimately, I learned that burglars are pretty stupid, so I’ll probably be fine.