One evening the Cupcake Dangler (CD) invited me to his house. I accepted…and then I panicked.
What if his super-polite gentlemanliness was all an act…and he was secretly a psychokiller.
After Googling the percentage of psychopaths in the population (1-2%), I decided to play the odds. CD was probably safe. And his house probably did not contain a secret torture room.
Nevertheless, I decided to be on guard and look for suspicious psychokiller clues.
CD: Would you like some wine?
What I Should Have Said: No, thank you.
What I Really Said: Yes, please.
Translation: I’m afraid you’re going to kill me, and I want to be numb to the pain.
CD: Red or White? This bottle of white is already opened, but I can open the red if you prefer?
What I Should Have Said: Red, please.
Translation: I want to be sure you didn’t roofie the opened bottle.
What I Really Said: White, please.
Translation: Roofie, shmoofie.
CD: Can I give you the tour?
What I Should Have Said: Yes. Of the living room. Only the living room.
What I Really Said: Sure!
Translation: I will stab you with the wine glass stem if you try anything.
Favorite Comment From Last Post: “I’m with you; that peacock looks incredibly dangerous. Its beady eye is freaking me out right now.”—Sarah9188