Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make Me a Match

A coworker (the one who introduced me to the term “faucet butt”) is in an on-again-off-again relationship with her Baby-Daddy…which is currently “on.” When her relationship is “on,” they have their kids all the time, which leaves no time for dating…or stuff.

 A couple weeks after Kiefer and I broke up, this happened:

Coworker: Now that you’re single, I’m going to need to live vicariously through you. So…dish.

Me: Uhhhhh….

Coworker: Dish! Tell me about your dates.

Me: Dates?

Coworker: WHAT?!?!

After that, she made it her mission to set me up with someone. At first, her attempts were easily avoided.

Coworker: I want you to go out with my brother. You’ll like him. He’s tall.

Me: That’s sweet of you. But do you really want your brother to be my rebound?

Since then, her attempts to set me up became more stealthy. I started getting Facebook friend requests from people I didn’t know.

Me: Who the heck is John Doe?

A month later….

Coworker: I went on a work trip with John Doe the other week. You’ll love him. He’s the male version of you. He loves dessert! And…he’s ripped.

Me: I’m not sure that combination is possible.

Coworker: I told him you’re moving to his building soon. I also told him if he shows up at your desk with a cupcake, he’s in.

Me: I am not that easily bought! Wait. Yes. Yes, I am. Mmmmm…cupcake….

Today is Day #5 in the new building…no cupcakes have been delivered. The moral of this post? Immediately accept friend requests from everyone if you want cupcakes.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “ARE YOU SERIOUSLY KIDDING ME? Carrot cake M&Ms exist? I live in Canada (ie: the home of no carrot cake M&Ms), so I am now applying for U.S. Citizenship.”—Carmen


About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

42 responses to “Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make Me a Match

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