Two-Headed Sharks Are Better Than One

Over the weekend, I watched Two-Headed Shark Attack. I didn’t write about it because, unlike the movies I watch about zombies and vampires, a two-headed shark was too farfetched.

What are the chances of a two-headed shark attack?

Apparently, the chances are higher than I thought. Did you see the article titled “2-Headed Shark Fetus Netted By Fisherman“?

shark

Soooo…my bad. I’m sorry.

Without further ado, may I present to you what I learned from the movie Two-Headed Shark Attack.

  • “Taking on water” is not the same thing as “sinking.”
  • Never skinny dip. A shark will eat you.
  • Jaws was wrong. A bigger boat isn’t the answer. Sharks prefer chasing the bigger boat.
  • Bad things always happen in threes: A (1) two-headed shark will (2) damage your ship, and then you’ll get stuck on (3) an island that is sinking into the ocean.
  • Getting on an inflatable boat in the water with a shark is a not good idea.
  • A shark is not a vampire. Stabbing it with a wooden cross or stake will not kill it.

Two Headed Shark Attack

Most importantly, I learned that you’ll be rescued approximately 2 minutes after you kill the shark that’s eaten all of your friends. So just try to wait it out as long as possible.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “*reads title* It’s spring and it’s snowing…. Immediate mental reaction: I KNOW, ISN’T IT GLORIOUS?!?!?!??!?!?! Realistic mental reaction: People are going to burn my village down if I actually say that, I shouldn’t react that way. Boo snow?”—Absent Elemental

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About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

29 responses to “Two-Headed Sharks Are Better Than One

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