Over the weekend, I watched Two-Headed Shark Attack. I didn’t write about it because, unlike the movies I watch about zombies and vampires, a two-headed shark was too farfetched.
What are the chances of a two-headed shark attack?
Apparently, the chances are higher than I thought. Did you see the article titled “2-Headed Shark Fetus Netted By Fisherman“?
Soooo…my bad. I’m sorry.
Without further ado, may I present to you what I learned from the movie Two-Headed Shark Attack.
- “Taking on water” is not the same thing as “sinking.”
- Never skinny dip. A shark will eat you.
- Jaws was wrong. A bigger boat isn’t the answer. Sharks prefer chasing the bigger boat.
- Bad things always happen in threes: A (1) two-headed shark will (2) damage your ship, and then you’ll get stuck on (3) an island that is sinking into the ocean.
- Getting on an inflatable boat in the water with a shark is a not good idea.
- A shark is not a vampire. Stabbing it with a wooden cross or stake will not kill it.
Most importantly, I learned that you’ll be rescued approximately 2 minutes after you kill the shark that’s eaten all of your friends. So just try to wait it out as long as possible.
Favorite Comment From Last Post: “*reads title* It’s spring and it’s snowing…. Immediate mental reaction: I KNOW, ISN’T IT GLORIOUS?!?!?!??!?!?! Realistic mental reaction: People are going to burn my village down if I actually say that, I shouldn’t react that way. Boo snow?”—Absent Elemental