Leprechauns Do Not Like Lucky Charms

On St. Patrick’s Day, everyone always quotes that old Irish saying, “May the road rise to greet you….”

But I’d like to share a saying that’s more important because it may save your life.

Try as he will, Try as he might, Who steals me gold, Won’t live through the night….

—One Crazy A$$ Leprechaun

I watched the movie Leprechaun to get in a festive mood for St. Patrick’s Day. But now…I don’t feel much like celebrating.

Here’s what I learned:

• If you hear a child singing from a suitcase, don’t open it. It’s an evil leprechaun trick.
• Leprechauns don’t like 4-leaf clovers.
• A hot guy is enough to make a girl stay in a spider- and leprechaun-infested house.
• Things you should not say to your father, “That was not a cat! I know what it feels like when a man caresses my leg.”
• Leprechauns will pogo stick you to death.

Most importantly, I learned that real leprechauns are nothing like the guy on Lucky Charms cereal. Someone should sue them for false advertising.