Instead of being a superhero, I’m considering being a hunter…like Sam and Dean in Supernatural. Maybe I could be their sidekick. And then one of them—I don’t care which one (60% Dean, 40% Sam)—would fall for me, and we could raise our own little pie-eating demon hunters.
Although I’m an excellent pie eater, I suspect it will take more to impress them, so I decided to brush up on my supernatural knowledge through some movies: ParaNorman and Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.
I didn’t learn much from ParaNorman. Since it’s a cartoon, I don’t know how reliable of a source it is.
- You’d think after The Sixth Sense, when a kid says he sees dead people, more alive people would believe him.
- Your snack will fall from the vending machine before the zombies get you.
With all the Twilight hype, I thought it was important to get another vampire perspective. Plus Honest Abe was President. That makes him a credible source.
- Vampires don’t sparkle.
- Vampires don’t like silver.
- The South lost the Civil War because they were all vampires.
- You can kill a vampire with your silver watch. But only if you say, “Time to die” while you stab him through the heart with the watch.
Ok, so I totally made up the “Time to die” part. You don’t have to say that, but you should.