Procrastination: A Cereal Killer

Occasionally, I looked at engagement rings online. So I would be prepared. So I would know which one I wanted when Kiefer proposed.

Aside: I hated the ring my exfiance Mephistopheles gave me, and looking back on it, that should have been a sign. Thank goodness he and I didn’t get married!

Then I stopped looking at rings. Because I didn’t care which ring it was, what was most important was that Kiefer gave me a ring…any ring.

But one day, someone sent me a link to some rings, and I couldn’t bring myself to click on the link for a different reason.

What’s the point? Kiefer’s never going to ask me anyways.

Is that really what I thought of our relationship? That it really wasn’t going to progress any further? Then why was I still here?

So I waited. Maybe I was just having a bad day. But the feeling didn’t go away.


Then I started seeing rings everywhere, particularly at breakfast, and I told Kiefer so (e.g., This Fruit Loop is so round. You know what else is round? Engagement rings!) because I was trying to convince myself that we might actually get married.

Looking back on it, I realize it was my last-ditch effort. Trinity River posted about how “procrastination can contribute to a slow death of the relationship.” Kiefer knew what I wanted (him), but what I wanted wasn’t important to him or he didn’t want me.

Every day Kiefer didn’t show me he wanted to marry me, every day that he’d said he’d ask and then didn’t, was a day that I (and my hope) slipped away from him.

So I told Kiefer, “Some days I don’t think we’re ever going to get married.” Because Kiefer was the only person who could “fix” it. All he had to do was ask.

And I waited longer.

But nothing changed.

So I made a change. I left.

About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

48 responses to “Procrastination: A Cereal Killer

  • Heather @ SugarDish(Me)

    You are brave. And you deserve to have all the things you want!!!! And I think someone posted something in your comments yesterday about panic in the face of things being/feeling different & him missing you and scrambling to do whatever it took to put a bandaid on it? That was so so true. Also, I think some garbage TV invaded my brain with a appropriate blurb yesterday about trying to bring things back to life and them never being as good as they were. So how are you doing? How is Esme? Ozzy Puppy? Facebook likes to blast me with a million ads full of engagement rings. It’s THE WORST.

  • SandyLand

    You are a brave woman. I’ll be emailing you soon.
    PS …to cheer you I picked up a Pumpkin Spice muffin. 😀

  • mistyslaws

    Oh Thoughtsy. That is so sad. But I am proud of you. You decided what you wanted, and because he couldn’t or wouldn’t give you that, you made a hard decision. Good for you for making that jump.

    Call or text if you need to talk. You know I am always here. Love ya!! HUGS.

  • hiddinsight

    Big hug. And then another. Damn Froot Loops.

  • Eliesa @ Pinterest Addict

    I would say “good for you!” but it seems too celebratory under the circumstances. You deserve to feel wanted. I am proud of you for standing up for what you want. Hugs to you

  • Nikitaland

    I am so proud of you! For now, don’t accept any calls or texts from him either. He needs time to think (again) of what he just lost for the second time. Men are stupid humans with their heads stuck so far up their ass. They would not know a good thing if it was sitting in front of them and bit them – enough said. Hugs!

  • Trinity Rivers

    I’m so glad that you took care of yourself and got out of a relationship that was not good for you!

    Thank you for the link back, by that way 🙂 I’m honored that you remembered that post.

  • countingducks

    It’s never easy to face the truth about a situation but you did. I hope and believe it will open the door to a happier life in the days ahead.

  • erica

    I am thinking about you! You are brave and you are strong and you will find what you want from a relationship.

  • JM Randolph

    Sending you cyber-Pop-Tarts. . .

  • JM Randolph

    (because they are a decidedly unround comfort food)

  • Britt

    Sending you love. I’m proud of you for standing up for what you want. xoxox

  • Kimberly Pugliano (@GisSilent)

    Just to clarify – You guys broke apart around a year ago as well, right? Was it for the same reason? If it was – don’t go back Thoughtsy. No matter what he says. It would be the wrong reason. Having been through bad (and I know it ISN’T with you guys) and now having amazing (though I’m 42 so that’s a lot of learning) I can tell you he’s there. He’s out there and he’s got no kids and he wants to start his life with you and he’s amazing and handsome and there’s nothing he won’t do for you and all he wants is to be your husband. And while you are waiting, enjoy you. Some of the happiest times I had were my few years of single motherhood. My rules. My house. My TV (on or off). My parenting style. My choices. And I didn’t have to share my Noah. Enjoy making your space and your rules and stick to them. xxoo Good job and I’m so so sorry.

  • ifUseekAmy

    So, when I first opened up the post, I thought “Hey! I had Froot Loops for breakfast!”.

    Then I read…and my heart broke for you. But I, too, am so proud of you for walking away when it’s so hard to do.

    I’m sorry you’re going through this. Please let me know if you need anything (I have an ear to listen and I can ship cupcakes and poptarts your way!). xoxoxo

  • draconianstylist

    Sad but good. Ultimately you are responsible for your own happiness, so sorry it came to this. What a smart but difficult thing to do.

  • Brittany

    Still proud of you!! Just remember this when it gets hard, remember why you left if he tries to come back again. Build yourself a wall of poptarts and slushies to keep him out! Seriously though, I am inspired by your strength!

  • pearlsandprose

    Oh, I am sorry to hear this, but four years is long enough. You deserve someone who wants total commitment and you will find him. Although it feels terrible now, you will probably look back and realize you learned more about yourself. That’s worth an awful lot.
    Sending you hugs.

  • Linda Medrano

    You have given this man every chance. I think it’s time you move on too. A girl (woman) I know wanted to get married. She was in her mid-30’s and if a guy she was dating wasn’t talking marriage after 6 months, she ended it. It took a while, but now she’s 41 and married and expecting her first baby. She got what she wanted and she’s happy.

  • bevchen

    You are AMAZING!! And way stronger than me. Seriously, while I’m sad for you I’m so, so proud of you as well.

  • Choc Chip Uru

    You are such a brave and independent person my friend, inspiring to wait for exactly what you want!
    I’m sorry it had to end this way but if you need anyone, we are here! You deserve the best and nothing more!

    Choc Chip Uru

  • UndercoverL

    Wow. Maybe there was a higher power at work in regards to the baby you were working on conceiving. Thoughtzarella, I wish you the best. Good girl for taking care of you!!

  • housewifedownunder

    I ended a relationship of seven years because I knew my boyfriend would never want to get married. It was painful. We still cared about each other. But what we wanted out of life wasn’t the same. It wasn’t fair to me to be with someone who didn’t want to make a commitment to me and it wasn’t fair to him to be with someone who wanted something he couldn’t give. After the pain of the breakup wore off, we both knew we made the right choice. I think you did, too. Good luck. 🙂

  • monicastangledweb

    Thoughtsy, it’s what you needed to do. You recognize this and stuck to your convictions. I’m so proud of you. It takes a strong woman to make such a decision and I know your story will empower others. Looking forward to your next chapter. And, I love how you laid out this story, and managed to work in one of your favorite snacks–and mine–into the story. Good for you, Thoughtsy. We’re with you all the way!

  • Laura

    It sounds like you made the right decision. Sending hugs and (virtual) pop-tarts and kitty purrs your way.

  • Tori Nelson

    I would cry and eat pop tarts with you if I lived close by. I mean it. It’s tough to take that step towards changing, but you did the right thing.

  • The Simple Life of a Country Man's Wife

    I admire your strength. Thanks for allowing us to following along with you in your journey.

  • mairzeebp

    I was going to like this but I wasn’t sure if that was the right thing to do. I want to celebrate that you left if you felt that was the right decision but I hate that you had to. Facing that kind of stuff is such a bitch. I’ve been there, I’ve done it and I’ve pulled it apart in my head a million times. All I can say is that I have loved someone with every single fiber of my being more than I ever did anyone else and it wasn’t enough for them. So I moved on and struggled and wavered and felt broken but, I’m engaged now to someone who gets what I want and what I have to offer. It’s bitchin in a whole other way. I wish that for you and I believe in my gut you’ll have it. I’m sure of it.

  • Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd

    I admire you for sticking by our convictions. It’s not like you could have been any clearer about your expectations. Whatever is in store for you I hope it makes you happy and fulfilled!

  • Lucy

    Gosh, I know this hurts, four years is a long time and not to mention you wanted children with him. It is hard when your heart is breaking and even harder when you can’t envision the light at the end of the tunnel,try to remember that “this too shall pass” and a light will shine but just not quite yet.

  • tazer warrior princess

    Big hugs. The first step is the hardest to take… but you WILL find happiness, even if it takes a bit.

  • catharsishungry07

    Perfect decision!! Proud of you! 🙂

  • aka gringita

    Once upon a time, I waited. And waited. I waited 7 years. I waited until my hope in the relationship had noticably faded. And THEN, almost in panic, he asked. And I said Yes, not because I wanted to marry him any more, but because (I realize in retrospect) I had waited so long for it, it almost seemed like I had to. Not surprisingly, it was a disaster, and the marriage lasted less than half as long as the waiting. As hard as it is, I wish I had been as strong and as smart as you have been. Go find your true happiness with someone who knows your worth and yet is worthy of you. Good luck and God bless!

  • jsamah

    Sounds like the right decision. Loved the read.

  • Go Jules Go

    Wow, Thoughtsy, good for you! That is incredibly brave. You deserve the world! I’m with JM – sending you unround comfort food – like bacon-chocolate bars.

  • dailekelleher

    Wow – this has really struck a chord with me. Although I’m not waiting on the hope of an engagement ring, I can recognise the prorastination happening in my relationship.

    You did the right thing! So so brave x

  • ludakristen


    He’s missing out. Seriously. I am so so so glad that you didn’t keep waiting forever and ever. You’ve got a life to live.

    I’m sorry this happened, though. I wish you all the best.

  • pegoleg

    Just what everyone else said. I’m sad for you, but happy that you made a choice that feels right for you.

    It is so, SO true that we cannot MAKE someone be or do what they just don’t want to, no matter how we wish and hope and try.

    I am constantly amazed at how many women keep staying, hoping things will change. They turn around and 20 years have passed and life has happened while they were waiting.

  • diaryofachubbygirl

    Sometimes One of the bravest things you can do is walk away.

  • Queen Gen

    I’m so sorry to hear this. I mean, I’m not at all sorry that you decided to go get what you want from life, but I’m sorry that it didn’t work out with the man you thought you wanted. You’ve had a pretty tough few months recently and I’ve thought about you a lot – especially as my pregnancy progressed and I felt more and more exhausted and kept wondering how you were doing. Except, being exhausted and all, I couldn’t bring myself to check up so I had no idea.

    I wish you all the best for life, and I think that knowing what you want and not compromising on your own happiness, you will find it. Life shouldn’t be about waiting to be happy. It should be about being happy now.

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