How to Join the Heman-Womun Haters Club

When I first moved in with Kiefer, Boo, and Radley, I was scared.

That’s a lot of boys.

Sure Esme the cat is a girl, but she’s a whore. She’s only on my side when it’s convenient for her. Like when I’m holding a can of food.

To try to understand boy behavior, I watched The Little Rascals. Here’s what I learned:

  • Little boys don’t know that the number for 911 is 9-1-1.
  • Boys roast marshmallows while their clubhouse burns to the ground. Priorities, you know.
  • Boys will get back a girl by whipping out his lizard…literally a lizard. As in the reptile.
  • Boys like to chase ducks with a string and a dollar tied to their feet.
  • Booby trap your most prized possessions with pickles.

Follow all of those steps and you’ll fit right in.

Most importantly, I learned that if a boy ever makes you a sandwich and it’s crunchy, don’t eat it. Those aren’t potato chips giving it that crunch.

What? Us? We didn’t do anything. I can’t believe you would accuse us of that.

Crunchy sandwiches mean the cat has joined forces and allowed them to use some litter as a condiment.

Favorite Comment From Last Post: “You have to like those hats though. I ordered one just to wear around, like when I go to the store.”—Omawarisan

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About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

28 responses to “How to Join the Heman-Womun Haters Club

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