You Think You Know the Story

What do zombies, stoners, and unicorns have in common? They’re all in the movie The Cabin in the Woods.

Here’s the plot: Five friends go to a cabin in the woods. Bad things happen. And then…

What do you think happens next? Well…you’re wrong.

Unless you were thinking, Someone uses a coffee mug bong to kill the bad guys. Then you’re right.

The Cabin in the Woods is not just a horror movie. It’s a horror/comedy/sci fi/maybe even parody movie. Which is even better than a horror movie.

I’ve never done a Movies Teach Us on a movie in the theater because it’s hard to take notes while shoveling candy into my mouth in the dark, but here’s what I learned:

  • Never trust the gas station attendant. Do the opposite of whatever he says.
  • When someone says you’re not on speaker phone, you are.
  • The stoner is not paranoid.
  • Whores always die first.
  • Thor is hot when he’s not a spoiled brat. I’m retracting my previous statement concerning his hotness. He’s now a Cabana Boy candidate.
  • Hard-ons are also known as “husband bulges.”
  • Unicorns are not your friend.
  • Mermen do not look like they do in The Little Mermaid.

Most importantly, I learned that girls who run around in t-shirts and undies are in a horror movie.

 Oh…my…god…I hardly ever wear pants. I wonder if my life is a horror movie. ::looks around for cameras, zombies, and crazed killers::

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About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

37 responses to “You Think You Know the Story

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