What do zombies, stoners, and unicorns have in common? They’re all in the movie The Cabin in the Woods.
Here’s the plot: Five friends go to a cabin in the woods. Bad things happen. And then…
What do you think happens next? Well…you’re wrong.
Unless you were thinking, Someone uses a coffee mug bong to kill the bad guys. Then you’re right.
The Cabin in the Woods is not just a horror movie. It’s a horror/comedy/sci fi/maybe even parody movie. Which is even better than a horror movie.
I’ve never done a Movies Teach Us on a movie in the theater because it’s hard to take notes while
shoveling candy into my mouth in the dark, but here’s what I learned:
- Never trust the gas station attendant. Do the opposite of whatever he says.
- When someone says you’re not on speaker phone, you are.
- The stoner is not paranoid.
- Whores always die first.
- Thor is hot when he’s not a spoiled brat. I’m retracting my previous statement concerning his hotness. He’s now a Cabana Boy candidate.
- Hard-ons are also known as “husband bulges.”
- Unicorns are not your friend.
- Mermen do not look like they do in The Little Mermaid.
Most importantly, I learned that girls who run around in t-shirts and undies are in a horror movie.
Oh…my…god…I hardly ever wear pants. I wonder if my life is a horror movie. ::looks around for cameras, zombies, and crazed killers::