Warning: The movie The Rum Diary is not a prequel to Pirates of the Caribbean. If you’re interested in Captain Jack Sparrow’s adventures while stuck on an island with rum, this is not the movie for you.
I wish someone had put that warning at the beginning of the movie. But what this movie lacked in Captain Sparrow, it made up for in a different Captain: Captain Rum.
Here’s what I learned from The Rum Diary:
- As long as you have binoculars and a hard-of-hearing neighbor with an open window, you don’t need your own TV.
- A man can look at another man’s junk, but only with a mirror…because he doesn’t look directly at it. His junk is like Medusa.
- Johnny Depp’s superpower is making fully clothed women jump in the shower with him.
Most importantly, I learned that even Johnny Depp’s hotness can’t distract me from icky eye…stuff.
Warning: You may not want to look at the picture below. It isn’t pretty.