I told Esme that it was time to start pulling her weight. She’s been a squatter for 3 years now.
Me: No more freeloading. I can’t even claim you as a dependent.
Me: Don’t sweet talk me. Find a way to contribute.
Esme isn’t really into manual labor, and she refuses to wear a hair net over her fur, so she decided to try pole dancing. I’m her trainer.
Step 1: Play music.
Esme: I’m not dancing to “I’m Sexy and I Know It.”
Step 2: Motivation.
Music wasn’t enough for Esme. She need more. She needed…a mouse.
Step 3: Drugs.
Because I don’t want Esme to feel bad about herself in the morning or objectify her body, I decided to drug her…with catnip. This way she won’t remember anything.
Step 4: Wait for the drugs to take effect.
Esme: Why is the room spinning? You better not post this pic on your blog.
Step 5: Munchies.
Wait for the munchies to pass.
Step 6: Use the motivator (mouse) to make the cat mount the pole.
Step 7: Wiggle.
Step 8: Pass out into a catnip-induced slumber.