I need to expand my vocabulary. In particular, my foul-mouth vocabulary.
For example…
Me: He’s such a—
You: Use your words….
Me: Poopyhead!
You: Seriously? Fail.
Do I want every other word that escapes my lips to be a cuss word? No.
But what if I’m ever asked to be on Jerry Springer? I need to spice it up a bit. Maybe even learn to throw a punch.
Speaking of punches, what if I find myself in some type of confrontation? I need to sound intimidating. And I can sound intimidating by cursing.
Scary Person: I’m gonna gut you!
Me: Well…that’s not very nice.
::Sounds of Scary Person beating me into a coma::
Really. It’s for my own protection. So I’ve decided to buy this book I saw at Retro Metro with Misty.
Creative Cursing for the Cursing-Challenged
Flipping the pages, I was able to come up with some fun words that top even “faucet butt.”
For the Playa...
For the whores who like a man who wears a fanny pack.
For the women of questionable virtue...
Thoughts Appear 
February 22nd, 2012 at 8:44 am
Ha! I forgot about this. I remember some very creative phrases in there. Trying to keep the post PG, huh? 😉
I am heading off to court. I will attempt to use ‘gina bucket at some point today whilst at the trial table. It’s gonna be EPIC.
February 23rd, 2012 at 9:35 am
I have to ease myself into the fullblown foul mouth.
February 22nd, 2012 at 8:59 am
I am also rubbish at cursing! My most used terms are; willy-face (an interpretation of dick-head,) bum-head (not very creative I admit,) or if I’m feeling fancy; cotton-headed-ninny-muggins (from the film Elf!) I do also just make them up on the spot. Usually this means me making sounds rather than actually using words. Such as “You’re such a flughhh face.” That way, as nobody knows what it means, nobody gets offended.
🙂
February 23rd, 2012 at 9:36 am
I like willy face!
February 23rd, 2012 at 10:10 am
Haha, thanks! Feel free to use it!
February 22nd, 2012 at 9:26 am
Too funny. I use a Norwegian word, which isn’t even a curse. It’s “Uffda” (Oof-duh). My Grandma said it all the time, as does my mom. It means a combo of shucks/darn/oh no…
Because Norwegians are known for cursing.
February 23rd, 2012 at 9:37 am
I like words from other languages. Makes me seem more worldly.
February 23rd, 2012 at 1:46 pm
Uffda. I am stealing this.
February 22nd, 2012 at 9:41 am
‘gina bucket is my new favorite, though I generally don’t need help cursing. I’m known for stringing together the best words together, usually while in traffic. Traffic does a lot for improving cursing skills.
February 23rd, 2012 at 9:38 am
I tend to curse while driving, too.
February 22nd, 2012 at 9:43 am
I find “fiddlesticks” to be incredibly cathartic. But that’s just me.
February 22nd, 2012 at 9:47 am
Hehe book I recently read uses “beep” instead, try that 🙂
February 23rd, 2012 at 9:38 am
I’m afraid beep make be overused.
February 22nd, 2012 at 9:52 am
I’ve seen something similar to this at B&N and it’s great! It definitely opens up cursing doors and broadens your insult horizons.
February 22nd, 2012 at 9:55 am
Godzilla and Fudgesicle were used frequently out on the softball field! 😀
February 23rd, 2012 at 9:43 am
I frequently say, “Oh fudge.”
February 22nd, 2012 at 10:01 am
kim kardashian is the face of fanny skanks!
hey, i like the new look over here. i’m happy to leave a reply but never a pop-tart, especially not a frosted strawberry pop-tart. mine all mine!
February 23rd, 2012 at 9:43 am
But…but..they come in a 2-pack for sharing.
February 22nd, 2012 at 10:12 am
I had to stop cursing when we had kids, because once, when Thing 1 was just learning to talk, we went to Target, and if she liked something, she’d go, “Sh–.” If she really liked something, she’d go, “Sh–. Sh–, sh–, sh–, sh–, sh–.” So, I could use a book like “Creative Cursing.”
February 23rd, 2012 at 9:44 am
That’s hilarious!
February 22nd, 2012 at 10:30 am
Hmmm – I’m thinking if I were to weave any of those magic phrases into my conversation today, I might find myself somewhere I’m not sure I want to be. I usually do my cursing silently – unless I’ve been working on something for a long long time on the computer and it suddenly crashes, then it’s loud and not polite at all. Because I too often forget the “save, save, save” mantra. I do have my special affection terms – for the dogs it seems to be monkey-face. Don’t ask where that came from, I have no ideaa.
February 22nd, 2012 at 10:31 am
“Confoundit Anyhow” always turns heads. I also like to plagiarize Sponge Bob with a highly offensive “Tartar Sauce” or “Barnacles.”
laurengraceevans,
Another interpretation for “Dick Head” is “Richard Cranium.”
February 23rd, 2012 at 9:45 am
I like “tartar sauce.” I didn’t know you were such a fan of Spongebob.
February 22nd, 2012 at 10:38 am
People often say that can’t imagine me cursing…I say it under my breath! Nice to meet you; I am a silent curser!
February 22nd, 2012 at 11:44 am
I do use wench in daily conversation…it’s pretty fun actually.
February 22nd, 2012 at 12:02 pm
O, sharks teeth! I haven’t got anyone to share these great curses with today, as I’m spending it in the garden. Maybe I can reschedule that volunteer shift down at the childrens hospital for this afternoon.
February 22nd, 2012 at 1:01 pm
Wow, I know some people who would seriously love that! ‘Gina Bucket… LOL
February 22nd, 2012 at 1:21 pm
Ha! Reminds me of Ron Burgandy’s curses in Anchorman: Great Odin’s Raven!
Around certain company, I tend to curse like I was raised by longshoremen. It’s not very becomming, I know. One of my favorties is “asshat.” Very versatile.
February 23rd, 2012 at 9:46 am
I love asshat. I’m also a big fan of douche. But only when other people say it. I can never bring myself to say it.
February 22nd, 2012 at 1:41 pm
I cannot tell you how many times I use the phrase, “son of a beach ball.” Yes, I know I’m lame. Good luck sister! Make us chicken sugars proud :).
February 23rd, 2012 at 9:47 am
I totally get the beach ball one. Sometimes I say “cheese and rice.”
February 22nd, 2012 at 1:43 pm
Check out these Shakespearean insults! You can make up your own using this chart: http://www.pangloss.com/seidel/shake_rule.html.
Enjoy. 🙂
February 22nd, 2012 at 4:28 pm
LMAO! That’s hilarious! I want that little booklet!!
I have a mouth like a sailor and fucking damn proud of it! 🙂
February 22nd, 2012 at 4:29 pm
That thing is way better than a thesaurus or dictionary!
February 22nd, 2012 at 6:35 pm
The contraction of ‘gina bucket is b’gina
February 22nd, 2012 at 10:36 pm
‘Gina bucket went over my head at first. Wait — that sounds bad. What I meant was that I didn’t see the apostrophe, so I was just imagining some woman named Gina Bucket (who, actually, probably exists and may someday find this page by googling herself. Hi, Gina!).
February 22nd, 2012 at 11:57 pm
Ooooh! I only get partial credit, but I’m going to try completing your homework assignment tomorrow. :p
February 23rd, 2012 at 1:31 am
OMG, this is so funny. Wherever did you find such a book?? I assume it was a used bookstore. Wonder what made someone want to give it up. It’s priceless!
February 23rd, 2012 at 1:44 pm
That was hilarious.
Hopefully you make a few more blogs on this. I wanna see what you have learned from the book!
February 23rd, 2012 at 5:49 pm
Is it weird that I already use ‘Gina Bucket as my go-to insult?
February 23rd, 2012 at 5:54 pm
Wait . . . did you write the book? I feel as if I’m in the presence of greatness. 🙂
February 26th, 2012 at 11:17 am
Hilareous!
I just heard a little girl yesterday call her brother a “Poopy Face.”
I must say, that is much sweeter than… “Fu%# Face.”
February 26th, 2012 at 7:32 pm
Baha! This reminds me of my favorite Orbit commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWoI-1qWT4Y
Admittedly, I called everyone a kumquat for a month. I need to bring that back.