I have a sniffle. Followed by an occasional sneeze. I already checked for zombie bites, and I’m all clear, so put down the weapon.
But after watching Contagion, I’m convinced I still may die.
It’s been nice knowing you.
Here’s what I learned from Contagion:
- Don’t touch anything. Ever.
- If you must touch something, wipe it down and then pour an entire bottle of hand sanitizer over your hands when you’re done.
- The average person touches his or her face 2,000-3,000 times a day.
- Being Kate Winslet does not make you safe from viruses.
- Being Gwyneth Paltrow does not make you safe from viruses.
- Being Matt Damon does make you immune.
- Don’t cheat on your spouse. If you do, you’ll die from a virus killing millions. Karma.
- If you eat a pig that’s eaten a piece of banana that was partially eaten by a bat, you’re probably going to die.
- That bat was flying around near the pigs because of deforestation…so really it’s our own fault.
The most important thing I learned is that “Blogging is not writing. It’s graffiti with punctuation.” This was meant to be an insult, but I kind of like it.
Wait…the people in Contagion had coughs, not sneezes. I’m safe! Unless…the virus mutated. Noooooooo!