I’m a Cowboy-Alien, On a Steel Horse-UFO I Ride

Dear Aliens,

Please stop stealing people from Earth. Here we call that “kidnapping,” and it’s illegal. In fact, pretty much everything you do is illegal. Not to mention just plain mean.

When you visit, here’s a list of activities to refrain from:

• Squishing corn with your transportation.
• Poking (Bad touch! Bad touch!), proding, and probing (::shudder::).
• Stealing/borrowing people.
• Throwing people around/sucking them up with your beams of light.

To do some research on you, I watched Cowboys and Aliens, and I learned that you want our gold.

So the bad economy is affecting you, too, huh? Times are tough, but you can’t go around stealing gold. It’s illegal.

I'm a cowboy...on a steel horse I ride.

 Maybe instead of doing research on human bodies, you should read my Movies Teach Us posts or watch some movies.

I think you could learn a lot from our movies. For example, you’d learn that shake hands when we meet someone, not shove a needle in their eye like you did to that guy in Fire in the Sky. 

Maybe you could stop sneaking around in the middle of the night (It’s scaring me the children.) and just introduce yourselves. Maybe sing some Bon Jovi karaoke with Blarney.

Sincerely,

Thoughtsy

PS: Please don’t introduce yourself to me. Your ugly mug would scare the bejeezus outta me. Introduce yourself to someone like the President. That’s why he gets paid the big bucks.

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