Thank you to everyone who voted on The Birds and the Bees in Breaking Dawn.
Like me, most of you were only interested in cabana boys, but some of you thought I should rewatch New Moon and Eclipse and take notes for Movies Teach Us.
After watching the movies, I noticed that all of my notes fit into two categories: Bella Is Stupid and Sex.
- According to Bella’s dad, sex today is not the same as it was 10 years ago.
- Sometimes guys actually say, “Stop trying to take your clothes off.”
These two movies are where Jacob really enters the picture to make a love triangle, so part of this list is a Jacob vs. Edward list.
Bella Is Stupid
- In about 2 minutes, Edward asks Bella to marry him 3 times. W.T.F. Just say “yes!”
- Jacob has abs, pecs, and a motorcycle. Edward is skinny and pale.
- Jacob can serve as your very own personal heater in the winter.
- Edward sparkles.
- Bella hops on a motorcycle with a complete stranger.
- No one is that clumsy. Pay attention, Bella.
- Bella drives a motorcycle without a helmet.
The most important lesson I learned is that werewolves are truly magical. When they transform, where do their shorts and sneakers go? They just disappear and then reappear.
That, my blog friends, is talent. Talent that every cabana boy needs.