In Football Vampires Are the Shirts and Werewolves Are the Skins

Thank you to everyone who voted on The Birds and the Bees in Breaking Dawn.

Like me, most of you were only interested in cabana boys, but some of you thought I should rewatch New Moon and Eclipse and take notes for Movies Teach Us.

After watching the movies, I noticed that all of my notes fit into two categories: Bella Is Stupid and Sex.


  • According to Bella’s dad, sex today is not the same as it was 10 years ago.
  • Sometimes guys actually say, “Stop trying  to take your clothes off.”

 These two movies are where Jacob really enters the picture to make a love triangle, so part of this list is a Jacob vs. Edward list.

Bella Is Stupid

  • In about 2 minutes, Edward asks Bella to marry him 3 times. W.T.F. Just say “yes!”
  • Jacob has abs, pecs, and a motorcycle. Edward is skinny and pale.
  • Jacob can serve as your very own personal heater in the winter.
  • Edward sparkles.
  • Bella hops on a motorcycle with a complete stranger.
  • No one is that clumsy. Pay attention, Bella.
  • Bella drives a motorcycle without a helmet.

    This picture is my Christmas present to you. You're welcome.


The most important lesson I learned is that werewolves are truly magical. When they transform, where do their shorts and sneakers go? They just disappear and then reappear.

That, my blog friends, is talent. Talent that every cabana boy needs.

About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

11 responses to “In Football Vampires Are the Shirts and Werewolves Are the Skins

  • Misty Loo Hoo

    Ok, fine. He has very nice abs. There, happy? I guess he can be our cabana boy then.

    (Btw, I just now noticed that I’m not on your blogroll . . . I thought you loved me, Thoughtsy! Now, I guess I know the truth. Sniff. Sniff. Sob!). 🙂

    • thoughtsappear

      Fixed it! I tend to forget to update the Blog Roll…and then sometimes I use it more for myself for blogs that I can’t subscribe by email to…I know that’s selfish of me. Forgive me. =(

  • LittleMissVix

    In the book the wolves carry the clothes with them which is why they apparently wear so little as humans! Although I think it’s just so we can see the pecs 🙂

  • Brittany

    Maybe their shorts and sneakers are hidden behind their mass amounts of furr. Or they carry them in their giant mouths.

  • Linda Medrano

    I don’t remember those scenes where the clothes disappeared. I think it’s easy to understand with the werewolves. But then they don’t disappear, the just get shredded off because the wolves are so huge. Okay, now the other part, like when they re-appear, they have to go get new knickers on after all their dastardly deeds. And I think Taylor is sort of cute, but I’m on Team Edward. I love me a sparkly man.

  • Marianne

    I’m pretty sure they eat their shorts and shoes and then regurgitate them upon transformation. Look it up. I’m pretty sure it’s been proven.

  • Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd

    I think they should wear pet clothes as wolves. Funny sweaters with jokes about bones and peeing on them.

  • Angelia Sims

    Team Jacob…..and thank-you!!

    P.S. I was sooo uncomfortable watching kids make whoopie on Breaking Dawn. Dammit, I’m old!

  • mairzeebp

    I’ve never seen any of the Twilight movies and don’t understand most of the hubbub. Yeah, I said hubbub, all the cool kids do. Anyways, although there is something about the one guy without his shirt on, I always go for the dark, mysterious, skinny, pale, swarthy guys. Always. It’s his hair and his intensity and sometimes when he’s especially pale, it’s about how it looks like he’s wearing lipstick. Yes, I know I’m strange.

  • Esme

    Is it wrong that I’m in my thirties and I lust after that picture of Jacob just a little? I know he is young, but what I would do to that man….mmmm…

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