Welcome to another episode of As the World Turns Around Thoughtsy and Kiefer. Thank you for tuning in.
After Kiefer and I got back together, everything was magically perfect.
I thought I was ok. I thought everything was all better. I thought I was strong.
I was insecure. I couldn’t believe I had just opened myself up to potential heartbreak…again. What the hell was I thinking?!
That first week, Kiefer got several texts like this:
- I’m freaking out.
- When you said…, did you mean…?
- I thought of another question to ask you.
- Send me a text with something nice…now.
- Later we need to talk more about….
- I’m seriously freaking out. Seriously.
I picked up the phone. I put it down. I typed a text, but I didn’t send it. I told myself to wait 10 minutes, and then if I still wanted to send it, I would.
I almost always still wanted to send it.
After I hit “Send,” I thought, Doh!
When we were broken up, I didn’t have this problem. I was in charge. I was in control. I never texted Kiefer. Kiefer texted me, and I decided if and when to reply. What the hell was happening to me? Kiefer was going to find my insecurity soooooo attractive.
Then it hit me. F that. Kiefer is why I’m feeling this way. He can either deal with the fallout, with the consequences of his actions/inactions, or he can’t.
And if he can’t, all that stuff he said about missing me and wanting to be with me, it was crap-ola.
But Kiefer did more than deal with it. Each frantic text was met with a phone call to talk, to calm me down. If he was in a meeting, I got a text.
Sometimes I got a phone call and text. And then a followup text or call to make sure I was still ok. Sometimes there were flowers.
And sometimes there was dessert.