Pay Your Own Way

Call me “old-fashioned,” but I like it when my boyfriend…

  • Pays for my dinner.
  • Washes my car.
  • Fixes stuff around the house.
  • Feeds me grapes while I lounge on the couch watching House or Supernatural

Maybe I got a little carried away with that last one, but I like being taken care of sometimes. Not that I can’t take care of myself. I can.

For example, I’m perfectly capable of opening a box of Pop-Tarts. Bottles of water, however, continue to confound me. I can never get them open without tearing up my hand.

Anyways, I know it’s a two-way street. Here’s what I will do for you…

  • Pay for your dinner sometimes.
  • Help you wash your dishes.
  • Fix your tie when it’s crooked.
  • Help fold laundry (except the socks).
  • Bring you a bowl of ice cream…with only a bite or two missing.

You know what I will not do? Pay your living expenses.

Lately, I’ve heard about some unmarried female friends, coworkers, and acquaintenances who pay for their boyfriend…and I don’t mean picking up the dinner check.

  • One gal’s boyfriend lives with her rent- and utility-payment-free.
  • Another friend was paying her boyfriend’s half of the rent (plus her half), taking care of his kids, as well as his child support while he was unemployed. Wait, not totally unemployed. I think he was pushing dope.
  • Someone else covered her boyfriend’s rent while he was unemployed.
  • A coworker recently said her live-in boyfriend is buying them new furniture. She said that’s the least he could do since she pays the mortgage. To that I say, “Are you getting new furniture every month?”

And this goes on for months. M-o-n-t-h-s.

I know the economy sucks. I know the unemployment rate is up. I know that by writing this post I’ve now jinxed myself and will probably lose my job and have to find a Sugar Daddy.

Except…I won’t. Because I’m a big girl (pull-ups and everything). I can take care of myself.

Ladies, if you have money to throw around, please feel free to send it my way.

About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

49 responses to “Pay Your Own Way

  • Bridgesburning Chris King

    Great post! on the unemployed boyfriend I guess it makes a difference for the cause of unemployment and what he is doing to get a job…

  • TheIdiotSpeaketh

    Would you bring your boyfriend a pair of Pop-Tarts….without any bites missing? 🙂 Ha! I know you…. the guy would get a small plate with a few crumbs…. 🙂 I’m pretty old-fashioned, I am from “the guys pays for pretty much everything” camp… it should be….. 🙂

  • visitingmissouri

    Where did these guys put their manhood in the meantime? I’m all for realism and respecting circumstances, but I know a friend of mine that makes less than his wife, but still wants to pay for his own nights out, his own part of the rent and so on. I think swallowing pride is a good thing, but throwing it out of the window will mess you (and others around you) up in the long run. When living in and not contributing, I’d say three weeks would count as a long run.

  • Angelia Sims

    Amen to that! The boy doesn’t need another momma. I had a guy like this. Thank God he is long gone and I woke up!

  • ryoko861

    Jeez, the last thing I ever want to be if I’m single is dependent on someone else. If I ever lost my job, I know of friends that would put me up in a heart beat, but I would do my best to NEVER just take advantage of that offer! I would at least get a job at Walmart or McDonalds and pay some sort of rent.

    Great post!

  • Todd Pack

    I thought this was just a Nashville thing. Local joke: What do you call you a drummer who breaks up with is girlfriend? Homeless.

  • Michael

    I agree. The boyfriend should do certain things and in return we should also do certain things. Paying for everything for him is not acceptable unless there are certain circumstances. Maybe paying a month of his rent or whatever if you can swing it is one thing, but for months on end? Absolutely not. Fortunately, my bf rocks.

  • mescribe

    I’ve only had one friend (that I know of) pay for a guy like that and he was a slacker-ass. I cannot imagine ever doing that, either – but I do agree with another comment that said that it would depend on why the guy was unemployed and if he was seriously trying to find work. The furniture-mortgage situation sounded alarming, though…

  • J (@RedHeadedWriter)

    I actually did that with my last manfriend for a little while – I can’t believe I did it but I did. I thought I was helping him. But really, I was letting him continue shitty habits and draining my own account at the same time.


  • Leauxra

    So, MY boyfriend is jobless, but he also has a pretty deep savings account and still pulls his weight. I do let him slack off on the insurance payment now and again for a couple of months (he’s on my plan), but he always remembers eventually and pays.

    Also: HOW DO THESE PEOPLE FIND SOMEONE LIKE THIS? I am for real here, I would even clean your house for you if it meant I didn’t have to go to work. For real.

    • thoughtsappear

      I think your boyfriend is the exception. If my boyfriend was in the same situation, I would help out because of what you just said: he has a savings account, he pulls his weight, and he always remembers to pay you eventually.

  • prttynpnk

    This is why Everclear’s ‘Unemployed Boyfriend’ is one of my favorite love songs- saving girls from losers is a noble act!

  • Linda Medrano

    Actually, I am a firm believer in letting a man pursue me. If you give “it” to him for nothing, he thinks it is worthless. Men love wining and dining women. They love the chase. And the more they chase you, the more valuable you are in their eyes. I also let “him” call “me”. Old fashioned? Maybe. But I have 4 husbands to say it must have worked.

    I don’t care if a man takes a paper route to contribute to the expenses at home. Or if he works as a caddy or a census taker. But I can support myself and I expect any man to have too much self respect than to let me support him, even if I offered to, (which I would not.)

  • Kimberly Pugliano

    Okay I know this is going to sound awful but just bear with me. I’m not making good money right now. AT ALL. But I make this little money at home so I’m always around when my son needs me no matter what and my nephews as well and my neighbor when they need someone to sit on their baby and the cable guy. And my dogs don’t bark all day because I’m here to tie their mouths closed. So the husband is like, “I don’t care what you make, you make something and you’re home and the house is clean and the laundry is done and all of my babies are taken care of.” Here’s the guilty pleasure – I LOVE that he pays twice what I pay towards the rent. It makes me feel like I have a big bad husband. And when I need money I ask him and I feel guilty but kinda turned on. I feel like it’s his job to make more money than me. But this is also me coming out of an ex-marriage that was…well he hasn’t worked for over 2 years now so that should tell you something (thus no child support – blech).

    The end.

    • thoughtsappear

      I see your situation as totally different because you’re taking care of a child and contributing in other ways.

      In the future, I want to be in your position: staying home so I can take care of my child.

  • Marianne

    Why is it boyfriends always get the money? Why can’t nice girlfriends like us get to move in for free for a while?

  • Nikki B

    My friend’s got a boyfriend man she hates that dick. She tells me every day. He wants more dinero just to stay at home, well my friend, you have to say: Say no way say no way no wa-ay-ay-ay. Nah-nah why don’t you get a job?

    See? Even the Offspring get it. Or got it. Are they still around?

    In this economy, I am ok with someone taking care of a partner for some period of time. BUT during that time? That partner better be working their ass off trying to fix is, and also cleaning up and making all the meals.

    PS I don’t think I could be with someone, of either gender, who felt like lazying around on my dime all the time was an effective use of their life.

  • Misty

    So, I’ve been meaning to ask you . . . how was your Thanksgiving?

    Hmmm?? 😀

  • belleofthecarnival

    LOL! I never dated a man who didn`t pay for two 😉

  • k8edid

    My sister was married to a man that did not work – I always wanted to shake the shit out of him, and then her, too. I just don’t get it – maybe if a husband loses his job, and is busting his ass to clean the house, fix dinner, and find a job. But a boyfriend – not happening around here.

    • thoughtsappear

      I feel the same way. A husband losing a job and cleaning house while trying to find another job is totally acceptable. A boyfriend? Not for me.

      • pegoleg

        Amen, amen I say to you…a thousand amens! Marriage is a committment through good and bad, and sometimes you’ve got to pull more than your share of the weight. But if he’s not willing to commit and wants you to support him? Not happening.

  • inworldofchaos

    In the beginning, before my husband I are were married, back in the days when we were still ‘dating’. I was an intimidation to him. Whenever we go out, I would pay for all the expenses, dinners and movies. He felt threatened by me and then, he was a quick learner. in order for him to pay for any expenses whenever we went out, he was quick to grab the check 🙂
    As for gals paying for guys they aren’t married to? I’ve seen that happen everyday when I used to live in CA when I was running the family automotive business. I meet and get to know the girlfriends who became their banks & financial icons. It was humiliating, they pay for any repair or altercations made to their boyfriends car. The car they can’t even drive, even when hell freezes over- imagine that!
    To those girls out there, don’t let them underestimate you, it’s not selfish to say no, love’s got nothing to do with it. Try it & perhaps the real men will salute you for being an independent individual. You both fell in-love because of your characters, not bcoz of how deep your pockets are. That, is another story to discuss 🙂


  • leashieloo

    There was a period of time my boyfriend was unemployed and I had no choice but to lay out the money for expenses. It was only three months, but to this day, he feels so obligated to me that he finds ways to “repay” me. Which is nice, because believe you me, I was NOT happy about it.

  • Paula @ thewilyweez

    My husband and I have a pretty nice balance of stuff we each take care of for the other one. I lived by myself for a long time and I can now say that it is soooo nice to be taken care of every now and then.

  • cooper

    i don’t get why women put up with the financial inequality. there are just too many working fish in the sea…

  • Pauline

    I paid for most of our expenses while my husband was in school and am hoping he will do the same for me soon. You should only support someone financially like that if they are doing something with their lives. (If they aren’t working or studying and just sit on the couch all day, well that’s just unacceptable!)

  • Deborah the Closet Monster

    Amen. So much, amen. I struggled with this for a while myself, but it seems the struggles are over. (I hope I’m not jinxing myself as well.)

  • ihavetriedit

    I’ve also noticed that women are picking up the slack for their boyfriends WAY too often.

  • mistyslaws

    Are you away? I miss you.

    And . . . IT’S SNOWING ON YOUR BLOG!!! How is that happening?? I want I want I want!!! 🙂

  • Lorraine

    I eventually want to have kids, and as I understand, I’ve got to support them for a long time? At least 18 years? So. To all boys out there: I’m saving for my children. Go get a job.

    • Kat_L

      I agree with you on this, just to my experience we never stop caring for our children financially no matter how old they are or how financially stable they are now 🙂
      My dad still fork out funds for me & my children every now & then 😉

      M the only girl and m priviledge to have a wonderful family around the world 🙂


  • Todd

    How come I never had a girlfriend like that when I was single?

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