The Birds and the Bees in Breaking Dawn

The other weekend I watched Breaking Dawn: Part 1.

Before you start moaning and groaning or click away,  hear me out.

Let’s start with the birds and bees. When a boy and a girl fall in love, they have sex.

You’ll want to sit down for this next part.

A stork does not bring babies. (I know, I know. I was shocked as well.)

Sex leads to babies. That’s why it’s always important to have protected sex…even when your husband is a vampire. Just because he’s dead, doesn’t mean his baby batter is dead as well.

And now I present to you the pros and cons of vampire pregnancy.

  • Pro: You have a quick pregnancy.

    "It's either a baby or indigestion...I'm just not sure."

  • Pro: You put all of the weight in your tummy…because the baby is sucking the life out of you (Con).
  • Con: The pregnancy will break your back…and kill you.
  • Pro: You won’t have to breastfeed because your baby only wants blood.
  • Pro: You come back as a beautiful vampire.

After carefully weighing all of that, a vampire pregnancy sounds like a good option. I just joined Team Edward.

Here’s what else I learned from Breaking Dawn: Part 1.

  • Fathers who are cops are scary…because they have guns…and know how to use them…and will use them on their daughter’s husband.
  • Kristen Stewart is skinny. Too skinny. Her scrawny legs freak me out.
  • I will never get tired of looking at Taylor Lautner (my future cabana boy) shirtless. Never.

Anyways…now I have a dilemma. Should I rewatch the entire saga for Movies Teach Us?

I didn’t like Twilight. I don’t particularly want to watch it again. But I will. For the blog. For you, my blog buddies.

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About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

44 responses to “The Birds and the Bees in Breaking Dawn

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