How To Do the Turkey Trot in 13 Steps

Just to clarify, the Turkey Trot is a 5k, not a dance.

Thanksgiving morning I ran the Turkey Trot. Why? Because I’m insane obviously.

Because I wanted the freedom to have as many desserts and carbs as I wanted on Thanksgiving. And because I needed to cross off #31 from my 35 Before 35 List. And because the registration fees help people with mental illness.

I followed How I Met Your Mother‘s Barney’s marathon advice: Don’t train, just go out there and run it.

  1. Decide to run the Turkey Trot one day before the 5k.
  2. Eat Pop-Tarts healthy sugary cereal. The sugar high will carry you through the first mile the yoga.
  3. Do yoga to stretch out.
  4. Try on 5 different running outfits (too warm, not warm enough, too tight, too loose, shows panty lines) before deciding on one.
  5. When lining up at the starting line, stay near the back near all the walkers. Running past the walkers gives you an ego boost.
  6. The race starts. Run 2 feet.
  7. Walk the next 20 feet because too many people are clumped up.
  8. Jog the first mile because you know you can only jog about a mile and a half.
  9. The person in front of you farts. Pass him.
  10. Reach the 2-mile marker and decide you have to run the last mile.
  11. Cross the finish line.
  12. Pass out.
  13. Come to and go back to cheer on other runners.

I ran the Turkey Trot in 33:50. I came in 825th place out of 1602. I ran pretty slowly, but I’ve never run more than a mile and a half, so I was proud of myself for jogging the entire 3 miles.

 Someone ran it in 15:22. That’s insane. He must have eaten sugary cereal at each mile to keep the sugar high boost.


About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

41 responses to “How To Do the Turkey Trot in 13 Steps

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