An Open Letter Concerning Contaminated Cantaloupe

Dear Restaurants That Serve Cantaloupe,

Why do you always serve a side of honey dew and cantaloupe with my breakfast? Don’t you know that nobody eats those two fruits?

We all know that you just serve that side of fruit to make my plate look more colorful and appetizing. But you know what would make my plate look more appetizing?

A side of fruit that I would actually eat. Watermelon, oranges, grapes, apple slices, pineapples, strawberries. I’d even be ok with you slapping an unpeeled banana on the side of my plate.

But cantaloupe? Seriously? It’s always been icky, but now it’s contaminated, too.

First the spinach was contaminated, and now the cantaloupe. Have you noticed that only healthy food ever gets recalled?

I just glanced quickly at the recall list for the past 2 weeks. All fruits and veggies with the exception of some Mac N’ Cheese (what’s up with that Velveeta?).

When’s the last time you heard about Ben and Jerry recalling ice cream or Mr. Wonka recalling some chocolate?

You haven’t. Because it’s never happened.

So the next time you tell me that my omelet comes with two sides, the sides better be one of the following combinations:

  • Breakfast Potatoes and Watermelon/Pineapple/Both
  • Breakfast Potatoes and a Blueberry Muffin
  • Breakfast Potatoes and a Cotton Candy Doughnut
  • Breakfast Potatoes and a Chocolate Chip Cookie
  • A Chocolate Chip Cookie and a Scoop of Ice Cream
  • Or any of the above and a cupcake.

I look forward to this change being implemented immediately. And by immediately, I mean by this weekend.

Thank you for your attention in this matter, melon heads.

Sincerely,

Thoughts

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About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

51 responses to “An Open Letter Concerning Contaminated Cantaloupe

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