Dear Restaurants That Serve Cantaloupe,
Why do you always serve a side of honey dew and cantaloupe with my breakfast? Don’t you know that nobody eats those two fruits?
We all know that you just serve that side of fruit to make my plate look more colorful and appetizing. But you know what would make my plate look more appetizing?
A side of fruit that I would actually eat. Watermelon, oranges, grapes, apple slices, pineapples, strawberries. I’d even be ok with you slapping an unpeeled banana on the side of my plate.
But cantaloupe? Seriously? It’s always been icky, but now it’s contaminated, too.
First the spinach was contaminated, and now the cantaloupe. Have you noticed that only healthy food ever gets recalled?
I just glanced quickly at the recall list for the past 2 weeks. All fruits and veggies with the exception of some Mac N’ Cheese (what’s up with that Velveeta?).
When’s the last time you heard about Ben and Jerry recalling ice cream or Mr. Wonka recalling some chocolate?
You haven’t. Because it’s never happened.
So the next time you tell me that my omelet comes with two sides, the sides better be one of the following combinations:
- Breakfast Potatoes and Watermelon/Pineapple/Both
- Breakfast Potatoes and a Blueberry Muffin
- Breakfast Potatoes and a Cotton Candy Doughnut
- Breakfast Potatoes and a Chocolate Chip Cookie
- A Chocolate Chip Cookie and a Scoop of Ice Cream
- Or any of the above and a cupcake.
I look forward to this change being implemented immediately. And by immediately, I mean by this weekend.
Thank you for your attention in this matter, melon heads.
Sincerely,
Thoughts
Thoughts Appear 
October 4th, 2011 at 7:46 am
My kids actually LOVE cantaloupe, so we always have it in our house. They could care less about apples or pineapples. Although a side of donut, muffin or cupcake would be a-okay with them as well, now that I think about it.
Hey, any idea what weekend works for you? It is now October, so we should try to plan something soon if you are still up for it. Let me know!
October 5th, 2011 at 7:12 am
They don’t like pineapples or apples? What about apples with PB?
I’m just about to send you an email with dates!
October 4th, 2011 at 7:57 am
With you on this. I’m a fan of an omlette with a side of omlette.
October 4th, 2011 at 8:05 am
So it’s not just me! Whenever I ask what the “seasonal fruit” is and they say “melon,” I wrinkle my nose and request another side. On the rare occasion where it’s inserted onto my plate without prior warning, I remove it from my plate . . . or, shockingly, Li’l D does it for me. TO EAT IT. That’s right. He willingly ingests the stuff. I assume this will change as he gets older and realizes that although fruits are good, he doesn’t have to (feign to) like every single one. 🙂
October 5th, 2011 at 7:13 am
Everyone I know that likes melon are kids. Weird….
October 4th, 2011 at 8:13 am
I love melon, but I’m not a fan when it is potentially life-threatening!
October 4th, 2011 at 8:18 am
This recall freaked me out – This whole pregnancy all I want is cataloupe and then they go and contaminte it in a way that only affects preggos and old people. Whatever happened to equal opportunity contamination???
Although you have a point about only meat and healthy foods being recalled. Never noticed – maybe I’m safer with hagen dazz.
October 5th, 2011 at 7:14 am
That sucks about the pregnancy craving. But that’ll change soon to ice cream and pickles, right?
October 4th, 2011 at 8:46 am
I like cantaloupe, but not cut up and mixed with other fruit cause it makes everything it touches taste like cantaloupe.
I would like my two sides to be Breakfast Potatoes and Breakfast Potatoes with a sprinkling of Breakfast Potatoes on top.
October 5th, 2011 at 7:15 am
I love breakfast potatoes…with ketchup. Lots and lots of ketchup.
October 4th, 2011 at 9:15 am
Agreed. Melon of all sorts is gross. Blech. Especially when served out of a bucket containing segments of orange and a neon red cherry with some syrupy substance.
October 5th, 2011 at 7:15 am
I’m glad the Canadians are with me on this one.
October 4th, 2011 at 9:22 am
Melon heads. Hilarious 🙂
October 4th, 2011 at 9:39 am
I have a solution – we could go out for breakfast together, and I could eat your melon. Win, win, since you hate melon and I love it. I’ll even let you buy.
October 5th, 2011 at 7:16 am
Sounds like a good plan. I hate when food goes to waste.
October 4th, 2011 at 9:45 am
It happened over here in Colorado…I think the farm that produced them is here. And I feel like I should apologize, except I never eat cantaloupe, so I can’t see how I’m directly connected…
How Listeria got into those things is anyone’s guess. I mean, do they water their fruit with germs?
October 5th, 2011 at 7:17 am
You’d better apologize!
I accept your apology. Although I don’t really care that it’s contaminated because I don’t eat it anyways.
October 4th, 2011 at 9:47 am
You should open your own restaurant! I’d order the omelet with the chocolate cookie and ice cream sides!
October 5th, 2011 at 7:18 am
Vote #1! Are you any good at business? I need a plan.
October 4th, 2011 at 10:28 am
I’ll come to breakfast with you and eat your cantaloupe! I love that stuff… when it’s not contaminated with a deadly disease, that is.
October 5th, 2011 at 7:17 am
Can we trade cantaloupe for a few bites of breakfast potatoes?
October 4th, 2011 at 10:51 am
That is why I am no nonsense gal.
I only except meat and potato form only.
Case closed!
October 4th, 2011 at 11:08 am
Girl, I couldn’t agree more! I had a breakfast the DAY BEFORE all the news about cantaloupe came out and yup! There it was right on my plate. For the first time maybe ever, I ate the F@cking stuff. Ugh! Now I’m waiting to see if I’m going to die. Next time, sugar donut please!
October 4th, 2011 at 11:08 am
Melon is the packing material of fruit salad. It’s only there to keep the other fruit from being lonely or getting bruised. I’m shocked to fidn out people eat it!
October 5th, 2011 at 7:19 am
I never thought of it that way. Good point. Only I can taste the melon on the other fruit. =( Cucumber does the same thing. Contaminates the taste of everything.
October 4th, 2011 at 11:17 am
If Pop-Tarts count as breakfast food, so do cupcakes.
October 5th, 2011 at 7:20 am
Someone needs to make a cupcake flavored Pop-Tart.
October 4th, 2011 at 11:34 am
Amen! Come to think of it, I’ve never heard of Vodka being recalled either. Therefore, I’d like to have a 3 egg omelet with a shot of vodka please.
October 5th, 2011 at 7:20 am
What flavor vodka?
October 4th, 2011 at 2:00 pm
Maybe this is a sign to start growing it at home instead of eating it at another place.
October 4th, 2011 at 2:03 pm
Hate cantaloupe, it takes up space in fruit salads that could be occupied by good fruit, if you’re picky and define good fruit as non-slimy, tasty and non deadly.
October 5th, 2011 at 7:21 am
You hate cantaloupe, pumpkins, coffee, tea…we’re a match made in heaven.
What are your thoughts on cucumbers?
October 4th, 2011 at 3:00 pm
Hear! Hear! I totally agree! I hope they listen. Cantaloupe (the non-contaminated kind) hurts my tummy. I vote for pineapple!
It’s pretty!
October 5th, 2011 at 7:21 am
It is pretty! And very sweet!
October 4th, 2011 at 4:51 pm
A side of breakfast potatoes and my favorite fruit, bacon.
October 4th, 2011 at 6:32 pm
Guess who adores cantaloupe? The Chalupa. Yep. Apparently, kids love any and all fruit. When do they outgrow that and only want cookies? I’m bracing for this change at any moment.
ps – I’m intrigued by the cotton candy donut.
October 5th, 2011 at 7:22 am
Kids are the only people I know who like cantaloupe. Weirdos.
The cotton candy donut was awesome. I got it at Sheetz.
October 5th, 2011 at 12:16 am
I had to Google cantaloupe. I think that says it all for me.
October 5th, 2011 at 7:23 am
I wish I lived where you live. Aren’t you down under?
October 5th, 2011 at 5:05 pm
Haha, I do live down under Thoughtsy, although we refer to cantaloupes as rockmelons.
Still, I’ve yet to see a breakfast that comes with a side of rockmelon, so keep that wish open! 😉
October 5th, 2011 at 7:17 am
They had cantaloupe at the Death Tent wedding this past weekend. I figured I was already gonna die of pneumonia, so I ate it anyway. I also gave a piece to Chuckweasel and asked him if he wanted to live dangerously. He indeed did eat it, so if we go down, we go down together!
October 5th, 2011 at 7:24 am
That’s love.
October 5th, 2011 at 9:11 am
I LOVE cantaloupe. I bought one that was perfectly ripe, and was really enjoying it, but I’m the only one in the house who likes it so I wanted to share with family and co-workers. Then that scare thing happened the next day, and I couldn’t even give it away. Everybody was being a total wussy about it, like I told my 84-year-old mother-in-law. I ate half the thing with no problem!
Somebody told me the other day that the symptoms can take several weeks to show up. Urp.
October 5th, 2011 at 9:55 am
You totally overlooked breakfast potatoes with BACON.
October 5th, 2011 at 12:32 pm
I love cantaloupe and honey dew.
October 5th, 2011 at 7:15 pm
If I covered your melons in icing, would you still scrape the icing off?
October 5th, 2011 at 4:42 pm
Maybe it’s a southern thing but we like our melons. 🙂 what exactly are breakfast potatoes? I feel so out of the loop. Nothing new there.
October 5th, 2011 at 5:39 pm
You left out the necessary beverages: Mimosas, Bellinis, Bloody Marys, maybe even a Beer (on the side of course).
October 7th, 2011 at 7:03 am
[…] let me introduce you to your Snookie. The stores are full of them because they are, at least temporarily, deadly. Pumpkin, meet Cantaloupe. Cantaloupe is ready to be hollowed out and made into a top-notch […]
October 8th, 2011 at 11:21 am
Now I want a blueberry muffin, a scoop of ice cream, an omelet, a chocolate chip cookie, a baked potato, a batch of breakfast potatoes and some strawberries. Is that normal? Um, and I love cantaloupe. I despise watermelon. It’s like water filled styrofoam. Still friends?
October 8th, 2011 at 5:16 pm
LOL. Adding this to my reasons eating junk food is better than healthy food. 🙂