The Truth Behind Your Knight in Shining Armor

Sometimes your knight in shining armor is just a guy in tin foil.

Stupid tin foil…so distracting. Why am I always drawn to shiny things?

I went to my friend Princess’s house the other day, so she could dye my hair. (In case you’re wondering, it’s now red. Indoors it looks normal. Outdoors my hair looks like it is on fire.)

Her sister and mom were there as well. Her mom gave us all some general advice. It went something like this:

You girls…Why do you always need to fix someone? There are plenty of nice men out there who don’t need fixin’.

Was I trying to fix Kiefer? I didn’t realize he was broken. Do commitment issues count as something to fix? Since I want to get married, yes, that’s an issue…for me.

She also said…

Figure out what it is you want, and if he can’t give it to you, find someone who can.

So I thought…what did I want from Kiefer?

I wanted to share my life with him. I wanted to be married and have a family with him, Boo, and Radley.

I waited over 3 years for Kiefer to “be ready” and be “all in.” And he couldn’t give me any of it. I even asked him: “Give me something.” I needed something from him, and he offered nothing.

So now I’m taking comfort in words from The Hipster:

You deserve and will have the person who gets to know you and knows deep down inside himself with no hesitation that he is absolutely destined to spend the rest of his life with this beautiful, smart, funny, fabulous woman, and her tampon-smoking cat.
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About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

38 responses to “The Truth Behind Your Knight in Shining Armor

  • Sasha

    Your timing is impeccable! I’m telling myself the same thing about my boyfriend. Although we’ve not been together near as long as you and Keifer, it’s still tough to be in very different places. I’m going to put the advice in my phone, and remind myself frequently. Thanks 🙂

  • SuziCate

    The Hipster is right. Your shing knight will be silveclad not wrapped in tinfoil…best to hold out for the real deal!

  • Hippie Cahier

    “Not only are female redheads frequently lovely but theirs is a loveliness that suggests both lust and danger, pleasure and violence, and is, therefore, to the male of the species virtually irresistible. ”

    If you haven’t read Tom Robbins’ Still Life With Woodpecker , you should. You really should.

  • Todd

    The Hipster is a wise woman. You can’t change anybody, so don’t even try. They can change themselves, but that’s gotta be their call. As always, hang in there, you fiery redhead, you.

    P.S. Every time I hear the phrase “knight in shing armor,” I think of the line in the old Rolling Stones song, where Mick Jagger says, “I will be your KNIGHT … in shining AH-MAH … coming … to your … eMOtional rrrrrrescuuuue.” (Just thought I’d throw that out there to see whether I could get that song stuck in someone else’s head this morning.)

  • LittleMissVix

    Great post – full of wise women 🙂 You were right to move on and you’ll find someone who wants to share a life with you, don’t settle for second best!

  • Bonnie

    You deserve someone who is ‘all in’ and then some. And he’s out there. I bet your hair looks fabulous dahling…

  • Nikki B

    Um yes and yes.

    See, the addendum to the whole “fixer” comment is what Todd said: You can rarely even FIX a fixer. They have to decide to fix themselves. Period. Full stop.

    Now – why we keep trying to anyway? No clue.

    That said. I’m not sure you wanted to fix Keifer, either. I think you were giving him what he asked for: time. And space, for that matter. But you can only wait and step back for so long before you start impinging on your own wants and needs. And then it’s a problem. So, yeah. Again, you did the right thing. Duh.

    PS And also, as Todd points out, sometimes your Knight In Shining Armor is Mick Jagger. And look how relationships with him turn out.

  • Carol Lanctot

    First, stop looking for a knight in shining armor, because once that armor comes off he’ll be an ordinary man. Second, stop looking. Decide life is fine as it is, and someone who can first be your friend and then your lover will show up. It’s kind of the same thing as “a watched pot never boils”.

    • mistyslaws

      I second this. Don’t look. It always seems like when someone says “I’m taking a break” or “I’m done with love” that they immediately meet their soulmate. I hope this happens for you.

  • Leanne Shirtliffe

    Ode to the Hipster. Them there are good words. And I’m laughing at Nikki’s comment!

  • Linda Medrano

    Loving someone does not mean that you are going to want what they want. In order to be happy, small sacrifices have to be made. Big sacrifices should never be made. A man loves a woman, but doesn’t want to marry her or have children with her. A woman loves a man and wants to be married and have a child. This is not a sacrifice that either person should make because it will only lead to disappointment and it can actually destroy a relationship. Find someone who wants what you want in the core stuff.

  • mistyslaws

    Ok, I have to see this hair. Pics?

  • Susan

    Thoughts:
    You have been given an incredible opportunity to now get what you want in a man. Take that opportunity for all it’s worth. “Find someone who can”. Great advice! Take it!
    (This coming from a woman 1.5 years post-break up)

  • Susan

    And I forgot to add … 1.5 years post break-up and HAPPIER THAN EVER! 🙂

  • Classic

    Beautiful post, Thoughtsy. You deserve to be happy, and you will be 🙂

  • Paula @ thewilyweez

    At least it ended when it did rather than you staying longer and waiting for no reason. I think that took some guts to admit it was not the situation you wanted and then to do something about it. On a happier note, I was not aware until today that you had a tampon smoking cat…I will be forever jealous.

  • Thypolar

    Beautiful post! Mr T is not my first husband and I spent a long time in a relationship that wasn’t what I needed. I have no idea why I stayed as long as I did. Maybe because I was hoping that it would eventually become what I wanted and maybe it was because I thought I’d never find it elsewhere. In any case, the relationship that Mr T and I have is proof that it is out there. I found someone that was not only what I was wanting and needing, but better than I could have ever hoped for.

    He’s out there Thoughtsy!

  • mairzeebp

    I used to date a guy who would never make plans with me on birthdays or holidays becuase it was too “couple-ish.” I stayed with him for a little over three years and compromised my ass off in the process (not literally due to my love of all things ice cream and red velvet related). I’m not sure why it works the way it does but life, romantic life, does work especially when you put out into the universe what it is that you want. You could have stayed with Kiefer for fifteen years only getting a smidge of what you wanted but we all know that in real relationships, the kind that make you thank your lucky stars at night, and in red velvet, a smidge is nothin’. Sister, you are funny, engaging, smart, kind and honest and that’s from never having met you yet. He’s out there, I am sure of it. And what a lucky man he’ll be. Keep the faith!

  • ryoko861

    Sort of a scary thought this “knight in shining armor”….just a guy wrapped in tin foil….

    You can recycle tin foil.

    Do you want to make him into something else (fix?)?

    Am I looking into this too deep?

  • Catherine

    So true. You absolutely deserve that. I just know that the treatment, respect and love that you deserve is out there, you just need to be patient to find it. And I do believe that when you are with someone who isn’t right for you, you are closing yourself off from opportunities, and the right guy might miss you. I say open your life up to the universe. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be. It’s that simple. Tell yourself that daily and then… just live.

  • Redneckprincess

    You have no idea how much I needed to read that right now…thanks 🙂 and the tampon smoking cat thing was freaking hilarious!!

  • alonewithcats

    The only thing you should fix is dinner. If you like to cook. Not because you’re the woman. Maybe he’d like to fix dinner because he’s handy in the kitchen. Whatever.

    I should probably be a motivational speaker.

    I’m a little late on this one, but my thoughts are with you, Thoughts.

  • sara

    Ha ha it made me giggle but its so true. There is a point where things have to change and after 3 yrs it looks as tho the thought of commitment had him still shakin in his boots. I’m glad you are moving on. And doing it even more awesome with flaming red hair. 🙂

  • Lies

    I know what you mean… Ts commitment issues are very unsettling to me, and I was so happy that, when I reached that point and I asked: give me something, she at least agreed to move in with me. I know it freaks her out, and I don’t know if we’ll make it, but at least she’s willing to try, for me, and that’s really all I can ask right now.
    You’ll find someone who can give you the something you’re looking for, and I hope it’ll be sooner rather than later!

  • Kitten Thunder's Girl

    And a tampon smoking cat totally sweetens the deal.

    I like the thoughts on this post but I’ll add mine: if you concentrate on you being everything that you need, when someone comes along they can just be what you want. Then if they aren’t what you WANT, you don’t NEED to keep them around.

  • belleofthecarnival

    I like hippsters words! Listen to them 🙂

  • Luda Kristen

    I, too, am attracted to shiny things. I feel your pain, sista.

  • Mads

    OH lawdy, what wise advice! You definitely cannot “fix” men, but you probably don’t want to be with a guy who needs fixin’ anyway.
    I’m impressed that you can look back on all this with a clear head. Bravo!

  • cocktailsattiffanys

    That is some good advice right there!! Women do always try to fix men because for some reason in our minds that seems easier than investing time and effort in finding someone new. Your cat and Lucky’s cat might need to get together and hang out sometime, it sounds like they have a lot in common.
    -Gizzy

  • brownpaperbaggirl

    There’s the right person out there for everyone…sometimes you have to go through a few trial runs before you find the real silver amongst all the tin foil. At least all the tin foil leads to some good laughs and stories, right? Haha : )

  • bevchen

    Great post. It’s true – the only person we can fix is ourselves. The boyfriend and I have had the committment talk many times. Apparantly he doesn’t know what he wants. I did at least get him to move in with me though.

  • wrightlovehonestly

    Isn’t this the guy you married? What a difference a few years can make, huh? Merry Christmas 😉

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