ET vs. That Creature From Insidious

For years I’ve said, “I believe in ghosts, but I don’t believe in aliens.”

Why? Because aliens are scarier than ghosts, and I don’t want aliens to be real. A ghost may scare you enough to pee your pants, but an alien may give you an anal probe. I’d rather pee my pants, thankyouverymuch.

This weekend I watched two movies: ET and Insidious.

That demon from Insidious…he was scary. Those claws! ::shudder::

But ET and I…we could be buddies. Best buddies.

• ET likes Reese’s Pieces; I like Reese’s Pieces.
• ET does whatever Elliott does. I like it when people do whatever I say without questioning.
• ET makes Elliott fly; I’d like to fly.
• ET builds and fixes thing; I tend to break things.
• ET phoned home; I like to get phone calls.

ET and I could definitely be BFFs.

Mostly, I was too busy realizing I needed an alien BFF to take notes on what I learned from ET and Insidious. But I managed one tip for each movie.

From ET, I learned that calling your brother “Penis breath” will make your mother laugh as she scolds you, so you don’t really get in trouble.

From Insidious, I learned that falling asleep makes you susceptible to ghosts and demons. So don’t fall asleep…ever.