Welcome to San Antonio…Prepare to Die

Last week I was in San Antonio, and I had very little free time, but when I did, here’s what I did:

  • Visited the Alamo
  • Had a drink
  • Rode on the Riverwalk
  • Ate some ice cream
  • Had a drink
  • Ate a baked potato the size of my face (Well, I put a decent dent in it.)
  • Ate more ice cream
  • Narrowly escaped with my life.

So as you can see, the majority of the week was pleasurable, but all it takes is one bad apple to spoil the bunch. (Why is this even a saying? Bananas come in bunches, not apples. Let’s change it.)

All it takes is one bad banana to blemish the bunch. (Much better. Plus…Alliteration!)

So Tuesday morning around 8:15, I’m walking from my hotel (the Hyatt) to the Convention Center, which is about 3 blocks.

3 blocks, people. And it’s not like I was in a bad area.

So there I was walking down the street, minding my own beeswax, when a guy walking the opposite way starts yelling at me.

You f*ing b*tch! You’re gonna f*ing look at me! <Insert other expletives here and repeat for about a minute.>

A minute may not seem like a long time, but when some crazy guy is yelling at you and you’re all alone, it’s a long fricking time.

So I turned my head slightly, not wanting to make eye contact, and I see that the guy has stopped on the street and is starting to walk towards me.


Somehow I managed to stop my bladder from releasing and ducked into the nearest Subway…and nearly had a heart attack. I don’t have a doctor’s confirmation on that, but I’m pretty sure it was  a heart attack.

Needless to say, coworkers escorted me around San Antonio for the rest of the week. And that’s why I’m still alive to tell the tale. Phew!


About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

39 responses to “Welcome to San Antonio…Prepare to Die

  • Blarney

    Eeek! I’m sorry to hear that, Thoughtsy. If I had his name and number, I’d do him in for you. I’m so glad your coworkers were on the case! Didja report him to anyone? 😦 Phew!

    Glad you had a lot of ice cream and remembered the Alamo!

  • fnkybee

    Oh My Goodness! How scary! Good call ducking into the Subway and thank goodness it was there! I’m glad to hear that your coworkers stayed by your side the rest of the trip! I would have been beside myself!

  • LeeAnn

    Good stars, who knew San Antonio was a mecca for whackadoodles!
    I’m glad you had a reliable escort the rest of your visit.
    I was followed by one similar once at the beach. He just followed and followed, talking loudly at my back… “Chica. Stop now, chica. Come here. Stop. Come here. Stop.”
    On and on until I reached a place with people, in front of a little bakery.
    I stopped, turned around and when he got close enough, I screamed “AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” in his face, turned on my heel and marched (secretly shaking) into the bakery.
    Then everyone in the bakery was scared of me, but I got a nice cupcake.

  • NanaBread

    Well, that guy was obviously mentally ill, which is sad. He should be getting help somewhere instead of screaming at scared women on the street. Don’t let one whacked out crazy dude ruin your experience. San Antonio is a beautiful city and a great place to visit, especially if you love ice cream and Mexican food. While in NYC, walking around Times Square, my hubs waiting on the street while I ducked into a shop. When I came out, he was smiling and shaking his head. I asked “whuz up?” He said some guy randomly walked up to him, got right in his face and screamed, “I’m going to f-ing KILL you dude! Right now! What do you think about THAT?!?!” Hubs said he just laughed out loud, and the guy turned and walked away. I would have pooped my drawers.

  • Angela Noelle

    Um, terrifying!

    Also, isn’t the Alamo just about the biggest let down ever? I thought it would be this big, grand fortress in the middle of a field… When we walked past it the first time, I thought it was just a souvenir shop built to look like the Alamo, heh.

  • Todd Pack

    Yikes. NanaBread is right, though. He was mentally ill, and he obviously wasn’t taking his meds. Crazy or not, you could have taken him. (I know that last sentence could be read a couple of different ways, but I stand by its construction.)

  • educlaytion

    Some of the bands at the festival I was at last week had just come from Texas and talked about how the temps hit over 105 during their shows!

  • Leauxra

    When I went to San Antonio, I had to constantly stop myself from asking the tour guide where the basement was (Is a Pee-Wee Herman reference weird?).

    But being shook up by a crazy is no good. Just remember: They’re more scared of you than you are of them. Or something.

  • TheIdiotSpeaketh

    Yikes….. That’s not the way I had hoped you would be introduced to the hometown of “the kid”…….. Sorry your trip was marred by some raging lunatic. Did you find some Margarita flavored Pop-Tarts while you were there? Yum good! 🙂

  • Sara no "H"

    Crazy people are everywhere. Sorry you were alone but at least you were able to find a public area. If you diagnosed your heart attack I’m sure you had one. 🙂 I never doubt my own diagnosis lol.

  • J

    One time, when I lived in NYC, a crazy guy picked me out of the hundreds of people all around us and screamed “FUCK!!” in my face.

    A Dunkin Donuts saved me.

    So…I feel your shaky bladder. And I’m glad you’re still alive.

  • Hippie Cahier

    Boy, oh boy, that be one blemished banana. For alliterative purposes, I stand by that sentence’s construction.

    I think his brother might live in my neighborhood. I’m glad you’re ok!!!!

  • Nikki B

    Mmmmmm ice cream… You know, now that you mention it, I *would* like some ice cream RIGHT NOW.

    … wait… did something else happen after the ice cream?

  • marinasleeps

    Dude that was some crazy shit.
    You need to come to El Paso. I will get you all hood-ed out that the next time you go to San Antonio you can say… Back the f*** up before I call the border patrol on your ass!… assuming that the dude was Mexican.
    Dude I can tell you some stories…

  • leashieloo

    What a creepster! What is wrong with people? He must have lost his damn mind, so don’t take it personally. Still scary though, sheesh.

  • Linda Medrano

    It’s the heat in Texas Punkin! It makes folks weird. I’m glad nothing happened to you. Next time take a pit bull with you when you travel. They are good at handling situations like that.

  • mairzeebp

    Jesus. You weren’t carrying your Pop Tarts in plain sight were you?? Soon, as your fame starts to become totally realized, you will need bodyguards. I volunteer. Please note though that I’m afraid of zombies. If they come for you while I’m around, you’re out of luck. This guy, I would have kicked his ass. Sorry to hear it happened but happy to hear about the baked potato. 🙂

  • Amy

    Jeeze-o-pete! I hate when crazy people single me out to be the focus of their attention. I’m glad nothing physical happened that that your work peeps had your back the rest of the trip.

  • Catherine

    Crazy story!!! Glad you had the good sense to go into Subway. Lots of us would be like, well let’s see what he wants? 🙂

  • Bonnie

    Good grief… what was this maniac’s problem?! Wait, I forgot – people apparently don’t need a reason to COMPLETELY FLIP anymore. Glad you’re okay!!

  • Dacia

    That sucks. Yeah, SA is normally pretty tame but I am sorry your encountered some rougue crazy dude. Boo that. I will be on the lookout for him next week when I start my new job downtown.

  • pearlsandprose

    Yes, I think I would have had a heart attack too. So glad you’re OK!
    Welcome back!

  • duckofindeed

    Aaah, that sounds very scary! I’m lucky that’s never happened to me. I just got pushed over for no reason once. It was odd, but not as scary as your situation. I’m glad the guy didn’t hurt you or anything.

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