Lock Up Your Women, Children, and Cupcakes!

I perused my blog’s search terms the other day, and I saw this:

I like ketchup on my ketchup.

Dude, that’s so me. Whoever wrote that…you’re my soulmate. Call me.

Anyways, this post’s purpose is to serve as a warning. I found something else in the search terms.

A zombie ate my cupcake.

Those bastards!

Apparently, the zombie apocalypse has begun. Lock up, your women, children, and cupcakes.

Here’s a Q&A session using other search-term questions:

• Where do I hide my methadone when flying? Uhhh…I need to stop referring to good food as crack.
• Do Pop-Tarts give you an enlarged penis? Pop-Tarts made my boobs bigger, so they probably have the same effect on male organs as well.
• How do you get a cat to grant your wish? This is just a myth.
• How do you make a Pop-Tart purse? Until Pop-Tarts are spinkle- and crumb-free, a Pop-Tart purse is just a big idea.
• Can I eat Pop-Tarts every morning with milk? No. The sprinkles react with the milk and cause your stomach to explode. Just like Pop Rocks and soda. Then…you get faucet butt.