Riding a mechanical bull is difficult business. There’s no saddle, stirrups, or horns to help you stay on. (Horns tend to poke drunk people’s eyes out.)
Also, the bull is super smooth and slippery. Imagine a Slip N’ Slide in the shape of a bull and covered in beer instead of water. (Oh, God, I hope it was beer.)
Here are the steps I recommend for maximum riding time:
- Start the evening off with a text from The Hipster herself wishing you luck.
- Eat a light dinner (so there won’t be much to throw up).
- Have a curiously strong drink.
- Have 2 more curiously strong drinks.
- Wish you’d eaten something more substantial for dinner.
- Watch everyone fall off the bull in the first 2 seconds.
- Pray that you make it to 3 seconds.
- Watch one girl spend 5 minutes just trying to get on the bull.
- Pray that you can at least get on the bull.
- Tell the operator to take it easy on you because you’re tipsy and will probably fall off before the bull even moves.
- Leap onto the bull. (Or if you’re riding with someone else, grab her boobs to sturdy yourself).
- Fall off after a few seconds.
- Get back onto the bull.
- Regret telling the operator that you’re tipsy as he spins you around in circles.
- Squeeze your legs with all your might.
- Ride the bull’s side because you refuse to admit defeat.
As you can see here, I wasn’t able to stay on the bull very long at all.
That leaves 4 uncompleted activities on my 30 Before 30 list and less than a month to do them. Yikes!
May 24th, 2011 at 7:58 am
I give you major props for even attempting this! I will admit I am chicken poop when it comes to it. The video is awesome and you did amazing!
YEEHAW!!!!
May 24th, 2011 at 8:57 am
I think you would have had much more fun with it than I did. I was too busy being scared to fall off to make it exciting.
May 24th, 2011 at 8:08 am
GIDDY UP! WAY TO GO GIRL, YOU ROCK! DON’T THINK I WOULD HAVE EVEN ATTEMPTED TO TRY THIS. GLAD YOU GOT TO CROSS YET ANOTHER ITEM OFF YOUR LIST! ONCE YOU TURN 30, ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE A “40 BEFORE 40” LIST?
May 24th, 2011 at 8:54 am
I’m thinking 35 Before 35. 40 Seems too far away.
May 24th, 2011 at 8:25 am
I am impressed that you attempted this! And again, sure wish the video would surface!
May 24th, 2011 at 8:55 am
The video is up on Facebook. WordPress charges money to post it directly on the blog, and putting the video on YouTube seemed scary.
May 24th, 2011 at 8:54 am
Oh POO!! I can’t see the vid until I get home since it’s on FB. Well, maybe I’ll try to hit it up on my phone later. But I’m sure that wouldn’t be as much fun on mute!! *poking lip out* Can’t wait!! 🙂
May 24th, 2011 at 8:56 am
Work blocks my FB, too. You’re not missing much by watching without sound. I was a silent rider. I needed all of my concentration to hang on. =)
May 24th, 2011 at 9:02 am
That you even attempted it makes you awsome in my book!
May 24th, 2011 at 12:36 pm
You’re the only one who counts. But don’t tell anyone I said that.
May 25th, 2011 at 7:29 am
Haha!
May 24th, 2011 at 9:24 am
Love it. I’ve rode the mechanical bull before. It’s definitely more fun watching others than doing it yourself (or so I’ve found).
May 24th, 2011 at 12:37 pm
I agree about watching others. I’m a people watcher at heart.
May 24th, 2011 at 9:29 am
Awesome. Awesome. AWESOME!
I think all your steps are spot on. Except a few MORE curiously strong drinks would have been necessary for me.
Congrats to you!
🙂
May 24th, 2011 at 12:37 pm
Thank you! Any more drinks would have required more food and that may have lead to puking.
May 24th, 2011 at 9:33 am
Hey, you’ve been Freshly Pressed!! Congrats!
May 24th, 2011 at 12:38 pm
Thanks!
May 24th, 2011 at 9:34 am
Thanks for the laugh. And congrats – you made the home page of Freshly Pressed on WordPress today! Now hundreds or thousands from around the globe will learn that when riding a bull in tandem, it’s best to grab your partner’s boobs to steady yourself. How awesome is that!? I can’t wait to see what your last 4 uncompleted activities bring.
May 24th, 2011 at 12:38 pm
That’s the most important lesson that I can teach the world: booby grabbing.
May 24th, 2011 at 9:56 am
FP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay, you. 🙂
May 24th, 2011 at 12:38 pm
Woo-hoo!
May 24th, 2011 at 9:56 am
Bahaha this post made me laugh so hard. At least half of those rules have applied to me while attempting to ride a bull.
May 24th, 2011 at 12:40 pm
Glad I could make you laugh!
May 24th, 2011 at 9:58 am
P.S. I was so excited about the FP that I replied before I read it. I am so honored to be on the list! ~~ The Hipster
May 24th, 2011 at 12:39 pm
You’re the most important step. =)
May 24th, 2011 at 10:16 am
LOL!!@ Number 8!! That would be (has been) me!
May 24th, 2011 at 12:40 pm
Hmmmm…were you in Annapolis recently? I think I saw your attempts at mounting.
May 24th, 2011 at 10:21 am
lol too funny!! Never ridden a bull before…but maybe SOMEDAY I’ll work up the courage to do it. 😀
Congrats on making FP!
May 24th, 2011 at 12:44 pm
I think “someday” should be this weekend. DO IT!
May 24th, 2011 at 10:31 am
Sound advice. I plan to print it out and keep it in my wallet. One can never be too prepared.
May 24th, 2011 at 12:45 pm
I think that’s a good idea. Unlike a wallet condom, this list will never expire.
May 24th, 2011 at 10:41 am
Thoughts, I have to admit I was worried about the food issue when you said you would be doing this. I was thankful to read that it was addressed with #2 on your list! Bravo my dear, Bravo! Did you ever know that you’re my hero? and you are the wind beneath my wings.
*exits stage left*
May 24th, 2011 at 12:45 pm
ENCORE! ENCORE!
May 24th, 2011 at 10:48 am
I’m going to ride one someday!!
May 24th, 2011 at 12:46 pm
Someday…as in this weekend? =)
May 24th, 2011 at 10:53 am
Yes, I am always strangely talented after a few curiously strong drinks! I suddenly become a pro at dancing, flirting, and bull-riding. Although lucky for me, there are no videos to refute my drunken talents ;).
May 24th, 2011 at 12:47 pm
I completely understand. I become a pro at shooting pool. But there’s a zone. 1-3 drinks = Pro. More than 3 = Awful.
May 24th, 2011 at 11:07 am
There is no way I would even try this. But I’m proud of you because you overcame your hesitation and took the bull by the horns and did it. Okay, there were no horns, I got that part. Good for you! Now why don’t you add something like crochet a pillowcase to your list!
May 24th, 2011 at 12:48 pm
Does that require a pattern? I’m good at knitting scarves or afghans, but not things that require more than the knit and pearl (purl?) stitch.
May 24th, 2011 at 11:25 am
That bullride lasted about as long as you doing push-ups.
Congrats on FP, pardner.
May 24th, 2011 at 12:49 pm
Hey now! That’s not true. Ok…ok…maybe it’s true. Actually it takes about 2 seconds for me to do a pushup. I think I lasted a little longer than that.
May 24th, 2011 at 11:59 am
Defintely a definitive guide to bull-riding. Two thumbs up from a fellow bull-rider, fake (bull) of course.
Missed one though:
#) Wave at everyone mindlessly as they all snap you on their phone-cams
Not too fond of that one
But then you have a few more drinks and you don’t even realize until the next day that you were this close to becoming a Youtube sensation.
Don’t let that be the last time! If you’re at NYC check out Johnny Utah’s!!!
May 24th, 2011 at 12:50 pm
Doh! Waving! I was too busy hanging on for dear life to wave. I think I have an NYC trip coming up this summer. I’ll have to look up Johnny Utah’s. Thanks!
May 24th, 2011 at 12:13 pm
Yeah a mechanical bull is something. Fun to ride and watch.
May 24th, 2011 at 12:31 pm
Congratulations!! Lovin how you are just crossing things off left and right. Can’t wait to see your new list of 35 things to do before 35 🙂
Congrats on being Freshly Pressed too!
May 24th, 2011 at 12:52 pm
Thank you and thank you! I’m almost writing my 35 Before 35 list, so it’ll be up very soon.
May 24th, 2011 at 12:35 pm
Love your description on this! Too funny! Thanks for sharing.
May 24th, 2011 at 1:03 pm
FP for you girl! Woot! Great practical steps you’ve offered. I like how you downgrade from how long you can stay on the bull to whether or not you could even get on the bull. That video is one dose of epicosity.
May 24th, 2011 at 2:14 pm
I like to lower my standards to feel like I actually accomplish something. =)
May 24th, 2011 at 1:20 pm
You are one riding and ropin cow girl… yee haw!!!
Most importantly, you never gave up and didnt look like an ass trying to get on the thing.
Top Shelf my friend!
May 24th, 2011 at 7:20 pm
You’re totally right about not looking stupid getting on. I watched one girl try to get on for 5 minutes. It was just sad.
May 24th, 2011 at 1:20 pm
Love your 30 before 30 list… I’d have had fun doing something similar but I’m turning 30 in 3 days so I think it’s a bit late for me. 😀 I am working on a general trying-new-things sort of project, though. I think I’m going to make my first stop archery, but I’m going to have to add the mechanical bull to my mental list. I actually work for a horsemanship company and we have various sorts of riding simulators here, so I could conceivably call it work-related research. 😀
May 24th, 2011 at 7:21 pm
Happy Birthday! I’d love to see your list. Let me know when you post it!
May 24th, 2011 at 2:13 pm
lol. good try. love the boob part.
May 24th, 2011 at 7:22 pm
That was the best part…for the people watching, not for me.
May 24th, 2011 at 2:37 pm
That’s hilarious! I once rode one at a rodeo (it was there for visitors next to the gate). And I did pretty well–I may have even lasted 8 seconds! But I wasn’t intoxicated, when riding it!
May 24th, 2011 at 7:23 pm
That would be a cool place to ride it!
May 24th, 2011 at 2:53 pm
When I moved to Atlanta, I thought that this NYC girl was going to show them how to ride…..I bought a cowboy hat, downed 3 shots of Stoli and hopped on. I out-lasted some of the guys , but my inner thighs were bruised up bad for weeks. Damn sure nuff fun, though!
May 24th, 2011 at 7:24 pm
Nicely done! And woo-hoo for the Stoli! Any particular flavor?
May 24th, 2011 at 2:58 pm
Awesome. I’ve never had the opportunity to try this, but the radar is now on. Can’t wait.
May 24th, 2011 at 7:25 pm
I’m going to tell you what I’ve told everyone else. I’ve heard this weekend will be excellent mechanical bullriding weather.
May 24th, 2011 at 2:58 pm
That is hilarious!! I’m always amused watching the mechanical bull shenanigans. I agree with others, yours managed to be quite graceful and not very jerky. Well done!
May 24th, 2011 at 7:25 pm
Thank you! And thanks for stopping by my blog.
May 24th, 2011 at 3:06 pm
Knew you could do it!
May 24th, 2011 at 7:27 pm
=)
May 24th, 2011 at 3:22 pm
Oh crap, I’d better get on that psychic thing! I will call again!!!
May 24th, 2011 at 7:27 pm
I may have found one!
May 24th, 2011 at 3:58 pm
I would be too scared to try that! It looks cool though! Nice blog!
May 24th, 2011 at 7:28 pm
Thank you! It wasn’t too scary. You should totally do it!
May 24th, 2011 at 4:20 pm
appreciate it! now i’ll have to hit up a bar and try out my skills.
May 24th, 2011 at 7:28 pm
I’m here to educate. Happy bull riding!
May 24th, 2011 at 4:27 pm
Riding a real bull would probably be easier! Didn’t know the surface was that slippery. Props to you for even trying. The video is hilarious. 🙂
May 24th, 2011 at 7:29 pm
Thanks, Ms. Pearl!
May 24th, 2011 at 4:32 pm
You go girl! Ride that bad boy. Yee haw!
I’m sure your technique will help many women ride and look sexy even if they lose their cookies.
Ride Sally ride!
May 24th, 2011 at 7:30 pm
I wish they had been playing that song while I rode. I thought the side saddle in the video was especially sexy.
May 24th, 2011 at 4:35 pm
Dude I just noticed you were freshly pressed.
Congrats!!
May 24th, 2011 at 6:08 pm
Sounds like something I would like to do…then regret doing later. Love the post!
May 24th, 2011 at 7:30 pm
No regrets here! DO IT!
May 24th, 2011 at 6:26 pm
Grab her boobs to steady yourself – HA! That is too freakin funny. I’m impressed you did that my friend.
And did I see above that you were freshly pressed? Good god, you. have. made. it.
May 24th, 2011 at 7:29 pm
You know you gave every guy who reads this a perfect way to cop a feel!
Oh honey, I’ll just sit behind you so you don’t fall off.
just sayin…
May 24th, 2011 at 7:32 pm
Usually I always help the women out, so this’ll be the one post for the guys. Plus, now all the women will see it coming.
May 24th, 2011 at 7:33 pm
I was impressed I did that, too. I wish I could say it wasn’t on accident and that I knew exactly what I was doing, but it WAS on accident, and I had no clue what I was doing.
May 24th, 2011 at 6:44 pm
You are far braver than I, my good lady. Cheers on scratching that off your list and being pressed all in one fell swoop.
May 24th, 2011 at 7:20 pm
Thank you, my good sir!
May 24th, 2011 at 6:48 pm
Gah… just noticed my typo. Roll out the white out and patch me up please. 😀
May 24th, 2011 at 7:19 pm
Done!
May 24th, 2011 at 8:07 pm
LOL, this is funny… I rode on when I was about 8 years old and lasted 1 second I think. It was at a fair and you had to be tall enough to ride. The other kids (and adults) made it look easy to last 3-4 seconds, and as I was in line I kept “psht”-ing all those who fell off in a second. And look who’s talking. I’m such a loser… hehehe… 🙂
May 25th, 2011 at 6:20 am
So you started young. Good for you. At 8 I would have been way to shy. No one is a loser at age 8. I think you were awesome!
May 24th, 2011 at 8:55 pm
I doubt I’ll ever get the chance to ride the mechanical bull, but sometimes life gets a little bit like one, so I’ll be sure to remember your advice. (Especially #13)
May 25th, 2011 at 6:22 am
That’s an excellent point. Always get back on. Thanks for stopping by my blog!
May 24th, 2011 at 8:57 pm
I could probably use these rules for riding a polar bear, right? Do you think? I think it might work. Particularly 3 & 4.
May 25th, 2011 at 6:22 am
If you find a place to ride a polar bear (or even just pet one), I’m flying up to see you and do it as well. I hope you don’t mind me inviting myself.
May 24th, 2011 at 10:09 pm
Congrats on being Fresh Pressed!
My lady friends keep trying to get me to ride a bull due to my freakishly strongness. I fear irreparable damage. Hm. Maybe if I follow your rules, I’ll be ok?
May 25th, 2011 at 6:23 am
The bull is tough. You won’t hurt it. DO IT!
May 24th, 2011 at 10:25 pm
ZOMG, I come over to finally look at the video and you’re all super mad popular, yo. Now that you are amazing, I hope you use your powers for good like spreading the love of Pop Tarts to one and all. I believe in you. ❤
Lor
May 25th, 2011 at 6:24 am
My popularity will be short lived as soon as someone else becomes Freshly Pressed, but I hope the Pop-Tart love rubs off on everyone. (Did that sound gross?)
May 24th, 2011 at 10:54 pm
Hey, you’re Freshly Pressed! Congratulations! It’s well deserved, Thoughtsy.
May 25th, 2011 at 6:24 am
Thank you, Todd! You’ve been Freshly Pressed bunches, so that means a lot coming from you!
May 25th, 2011 at 1:11 am
I lol’ed.
May 25th, 2011 at 4:51 am
Well done you!! I’m sure you lasted longer than we could have 🙂 Now we will go forth and spread the word of the bull riding 🙂
May 25th, 2011 at 6:25 am
That’s all I ask. Throw some Pop-Tart spreading love in there as well.
May 25th, 2011 at 5:33 am
Nice!!
May 25th, 2011 at 6:36 am
That was great. Congrats on both tries. I’m printing your lost up for when I trick Thy into this.
PS
Congrats on being pressed I think 2 times now?
May 25th, 2011 at 2:22 pm
Ooooo… I want to see Thy do it!
Yep, this is the 2nd time. The 1st time was back in July I think.
May 25th, 2011 at 7:26 am
I’ve never ridden a bull in my adult life, only once when I was a teenager at one of those “teen nights” at a club. So kudos to you on knocking another one off your list!
May 25th, 2011 at 1:04 pm
My God, I’ve been away too long. A mechanical bull ride? You’re my hero. Well, you became that with the poptarts. This just solidifies the deal.
May 25th, 2011 at 1:58 pm
You were away too long. I missed you. In fact, you’ve already been away too long again. Come back!
May 25th, 2011 at 2:19 pm
Yay, Thoughtsy, you’re famous! Thrilled for you, friend. So well deserved!
May 25th, 2011 at 2:23 pm
Aww, thanks!
May 26th, 2011 at 5:50 pm
I have yet to conquer the battery built bull. It’s on my Sunny Set though, which is similar to a Bucket List. Thanks for the inspiration to give it a try!
Keep shining,
The Sunny Girl, Lauren Cook
http://www.thesunnygirl.com
May 27th, 2011 at 6:52 am
I love the name of your list! I’m off to check it out now!
May 26th, 2011 at 9:00 pm
This mechanical bull is much,much wilder than the real one. :))
I might give it a try. Other people make it as their form of exercise. Well..
May 27th, 2011 at 6:53 am
At least this one is sans horns. Definitely try it out!
May 28th, 2011 at 4:35 am
Good for you, dear friend 🙂
June 20th, 2011 at 12:09 am
YAY! FRESHLY PRESSED!
April 4th, 2012 at 6:35 am
[…] couldn’t decide between How To Ride a Mechanical Bull and Candyman, Candyman, […]
April 5th, 2012 at 3:49 am
Reblogged this on Bracketster’s Weblog.