You’d better be humming the Mortal Kombat theme song. Just in case you’re not…
(Le sigh. I miss my Sega Genesis.)
Monday evening I
orchestrated witnessed Mortal Kombat in my home.
I was downstairs exercising and shaking my booty to some Yoga Booty Ballet when the utility closet door began shaking.
Then I heard it…frantic
chirping cawing. A bird sneak attack!
I needed reinforcements (my secret weapon). I ran upstairs, grabbed Esme from her sunning spot, and put her directly in front of the closet door. I banged on the door, but Esme and I were met with silence.
Esme: You got me up…for this? To stare at a door?
Me: I swear I’m not crazy!
Just as Esme started to walk away…the bird made its first mistake: it chirped. Esme began pawing at the door and meowing, begging me to let her into the closet.
Me: Esme-san, Test your might.
Esme crouched in front of the door. Real crouching tiger, hidden dragon-like.
Me: Test your might.
I opened the door; the bird flew out, and Esme leapt about 5 feet in the air to bring the bird down.
The bird played dead (mistake #2), but Esme wasn’t fooled…at first. Her paws kept him pinned down. Then she suspected a bird heart attack, so she released him. (This happened about 5 times.)
Finally, she cornered him. His wings were spread apart like Esme had splatted him against the wall. I think he was trying to blend in with the wall (mistake #3).
I slapped a box over him.
Ok, not really.
Me: Who’s the bee-ah-ch now?
I didn’t say that either.
Despite desperate pleading by Esme, I released the bird into the backyard.
When he hopped out of the box, he just stared at me with his beady little hate-filled eyes. I thought he was going to attack me, but Esme lurked in the background, ready to throw down.
Hopefully, he told his comrades of my graciousness in letting him go instead of revealing my new secret weapon.
As a side note, maybe those boys would let me be Sonya in their video. Or maybe we can talk Clay into making a similar video for me to be in…but not a shower video.