I always do what I’m told. Always. That’s why I watched Dead Alive. (It’s a zombie movie.) Another blogger told me to watch it.
So I did.
Even when I realized 15 minutes in that I’d already seen it.
In the event of the zombie apocalypse, I took some notes for you:
- Monkeys are evil.
- Monkey bites are equivalent to the cheese touch from Diary of a Wimpy Kid. (The cheese touch is similar to cooties.) Except instead of people shunning you, they kill you.
- Not all monkeys are cute.
- High heels are good for squashing monkeys.
I swear it’s a zombie movie. Just bear with me.
- If your skin falls off, glue will fix that right up.
- Real love is when your boyfriend’s mother eats your dog, and you still help to care for her.
- Sedating zombies with a tranquilizer is only a temporary solution.
- Zombies have sex, too.
- Priests can kick some zombie tushy: “I kick ass for the Lord!”
- A lawnmower may be your best weapon against zombies.
And most importantly, if you’re going to punch a zombie baby, make sure everyone knows it’s a zombie baby. Otherwise, you’re going to get some weird looks.
But no one will call Child Protective Services. They’ll just judge you.