Your Mother Ate My Dog!

I always do what I’m told. Always. That’s why I watched Dead Alive. (It’s a zombie movie.) Another blogger told me to watch it.

So I did.

Even when I realized 15 minutes in that I’d already seen it.

In the event of the zombie apocalypse, I took some notes for you:

  • Monkeys are evil.
  • Monkey bites are equivalent to the cheese touch from Diary of a Wimpy Kid. (The cheese touch is similar to cooties.) Except instead of people shunning you, they kill you.
  • Not all monkeys are cute.
  • High heels are good for squashing monkeys.

I swear it’s a zombie movie. Just bear with me.

  • If your skin falls off, glue will fix that right up.
  • Real love is when your boyfriend’s mother eats your dog, and you still help to care for her.
  • Sedating zombies with a tranquilizer is only a temporary solution.
  • Zombies have sex, too.
  • Priests can kick some zombie tushy: “I kick ass for the Lord!”
  • A lawnmower may be your best weapon against zombies.

And most importantly, if you’re going to punch a zombie baby, make sure everyone knows it’s a zombie baby. Otherwise, you’re going to get some weird looks.

But no one will call Child Protective Services. They’ll just judge you.

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About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

18 responses to “Your Mother Ate My Dog!

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