Research. I like to do a little research before traveling. So last night while I packed for the cruise, I decided to turn on an educational movie from Netflix.
Dear Netflix, Thanks. Thanks a lot. Please do not send man-eating fish movies just before someone is about to go cruisin’. Shame on you. Shame!
While I was packing, I took some notes
as cruise survival tips for the Movies Teach Us series.
Man-eating piranhas like beer.
I need to be able to swim faster.
Finding Nemo was wrong when the sharks said: “Fish are friends, not food.” Fish are not friends, and you’re their food.
Keep your hair free of the boat propellers.
Just because the tagline is “There’s Something in the Water,” don’t assume it’s the fish. The tagline is actually referring to the penis the piranha bites off and then leaves floating in the water. No one needs to see that. Thank god, I didn’t see it in 3-D.
Training bras itch.
- Don’t hang around Richard Dreyfuss. He attracts sea monsters. First Jaws, now Piranha.
And most importantly, never litter. When Richard Dreyfuss drops his beer bottle into the lake, it sets off a chain of events.
Littering causes pollution in lakes, which causes earthquakes, which releases piranhas, which causes everyone in water to be eaten alive.
So…who’s going snorkeling with me?