How To Prepare for a Cruise

  1. Pawn your cat off on your parents.
  2. Buy 10 new swimsuits.
  3. Realize you may have gone overboard (Bwahaha! Overboard! Get it?) and return 3 swimsuits.
  4. Wax your underarms.
  5. After the underarm pain subsides, wax your bikini line.
  6. DoubleTriple check the boarding time so you don’t miss the boat.
  7. Buy 5 bottles of Dramamine.
  8. Notice your pasty white legs.
  9. Apply Natural Glow Firming Tanning Lotion (fair to medium skin tones).
  10. Realize you don’t have time for gradual tanning. Apply lotion for medium to tan skin tones.
  11. Wonder if your hands look orange.
  12. Pack entire summer wardrobe.
  13. Confirm that your hands are definitely orange.
  14. Drop hints that it would be coolest thing ever if your boyfriend proposed on the cruise.
  15. Realize you shouldn’t get your hopes up.
  16. Practice your surprise-ring face just in case.
  17. Create “Have You Seen Pete the Penguin?” posters to pass out to the water wildlife in case he survived the shark attack.
  18. Narrow your book selection down from 10 books to 2. Well, maybe 3.
  19. Buy underwater cameras. (Crap. I’ll be right back.)
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About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

46 responses to “How To Prepare for a Cruise

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