They’re Pinky and the Brain. Pinky and the Brain. One is a genius, the other’s insane.
Pinky: What do you wanna do tonight, Brain?
Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world.
Kiefer and I are a lot like Pinky and Brain. Just to be clear, I’m Brain; Kiefer is Pinky. Except Kiefer and I say this:
Kiefer: What do you wanna watch tonight, Thoughtsy?
Me: The same movie I try to watch every night, Kiefer: Bambi.
I’m not sure why I became so obsessed with watching Kiefer’s DVD of Bambi. I think one night I didn’t want to choose a movie so I chose one I knew Kiefer would veto. And then I just kept choosing it. Every single night. For our entire relationship.*
Until Christmas. Because Kiefer bought me my own copy.
Which I just watched. Holy smokes that Bambi was a player!
He was a Ladies’
Man Deer from the beginning. He practiced by hitting on a skunk and calling it “Pretty Flower.” That young doe Faline didn’t stand a chance!
Here’s what I learned from watching Bambi:
- Always stand up by putting your butt up in the air first.
- If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. (Thank you, Thumper’s dad.)
- “Twitterpated” means falling in love.
- Back when Bambi was made, Smokey the Bear wasn’t spreading the message: Only you can prevent forest fires.
- When skunks hit puberty, they change sex. Flower was a girl at the beginning of the movie but changes to a boy in the spring.
And most importantly, never go to the meadow. The meadow is like the ghetto. Not only do they sound alike but things get shot there as well.
*Kiefer swears that he once caved and we watched Bambi. (Whatever. I don’t remember it.) Kiefer says I fell asleep after the first 10 minutes. (Ooooo…This is extremely likely.)