Like forever ago, I took a break from ragging on Kiefer and blogged about my commitment issues. I mentioned a few guys I dated, but I left one out with a promise to blog about him later.
Well, it’s later.
Long Distance Guy
I was LDG’s Kiefer. Or Kieferita. (It’s the femine form of the name. Trust me.)
I’d known LDG for years. We’d been friends, but he lived a few states away, so I hardly ever saw him. He was a nice guy. And he scared me.
I was pretty warped from my relationship with Mephistopheles, so I pretty much believed every guy in the entire world cheated. But for some reason, I believed that LDG wasn’t a cheater. So that said a lot.
Two phone calls highlight my commitment issues. The first one took place about a month into our relationship.
Phone Call #1
LDG: I love you.
What I Thought: Craaaaaap.
What I Said: Absolutely nothing.
LDG: Did I scare you?
What I Thought: Yes! I’m scared! I’m scared! I’m scared!
What I Said: No. I just prefer to say important things like that in person.
What You’re Thinking: Thoughts! You chicken! You’re a horrible, horrible person!
Phone Call #2
LDG: Thoughts, I wanna be a dad.
What I Said: Ok.
LDG: No, you don’t get it. I wanna be a dad with you.
This conversation (although he was drunk) terrified me. Me. Thoughtsy. Can you believe it?
What wouldn’t I give to hear Kiefer utter these words drunk or sober? Well, preferably sober.
Shortly after this phone call, we broke up. I faulted the distance, and that was a huge factor (not to mention the extreme level of drunkenness), but these phone calls probably played a role, too.
Damn you, karma.
Thoughts Appear 
February 8th, 2011 at 10:10 am
Phone call #2 would have scared me too! “I wanna be a dad with you”=CREEEEPY! I would have hung up and ran or hung up and just sat down since he was states away and quivered.
February 9th, 2011 at 7:47 am
At the time, I just laughed it off because he was drunk, but after I hung up, terror set in.
February 8th, 2011 at 10:19 am
I’m with you on this one, Thoughts. You want the future father of your children to be man enough to say it to your face without a few shots of Maker’s Mark to kick off the discussion. You were smart to follow your instincts–moments like this are telling.
February 9th, 2011 at 7:48 am
Exactly! Say important stuff in person and sober!
February 8th, 2011 at 10:23 am
If it was right, the right time, the right guy, etc. you would have felt differently. Maybe he was just a part of your life that helped put you on the track to where you are now? Not a long termer but a brief stop on the road to right. Did you learn something from him? Maybe he introduced you to Pop Tarts or inspired your need to pet a wolf? Don’t knock yourself too hard. You heart feels how it feels and that’s ok!
February 9th, 2011 at 7:49 am
He was a really nice guy! And although he moved a little too fast for me, he restored my faith that all men are not jerks and cheaters.
February 8th, 2011 at 10:25 am
Wrong guy that would have terrified me too. 🙂
February 8th, 2011 at 11:14 am
Choosing the right partner can be a challenge. My new “motto” for beginning new relationships, is being friends first. I want to get to know him, everything about him. If we can build a good friendship, with bonding, trust, and building a foundation, then I feel the relationship will have a better chance of surviving for long-term duration. If he cannot commit to working at a friendship, then I do not feel his mind is in the right place.
February 8th, 2011 at 11:38 am
Wow, he said those things over the phone? You *definitely* did the right thing dumping this guy.
February 9th, 2011 at 7:51 am
Since it was a long distance relationship, I think he thought it was ok since most of our contact was over the phone.
But when I say something that important, I want to see the person’s face.
February 8th, 2011 at 11:41 am
Nothing good ever comes out of a drunk word vomit call.
Trust me.
February 9th, 2011 at 7:51 am
One good thing comes out of drunken phone calls: a good laugh.
February 8th, 2011 at 11:49 am
My last boy friend was also long-distance. He sent me a text message saying he was in love with me 3 weeks after we met. That should have been a sign the relationship was moving dangerously fast. Two and a half months later, he told me he wanted to marry me. Later HE wound up dumping ME. I’m still confused by that whole situation.
February 9th, 2011 at 7:52 am
That is crazy fast! I’d still be in a daze, too.
February 8th, 2011 at 3:25 pm
Yeah, wow. Commitment issue? I don’t think that’s indicative of one, as much as survival instincts on your part. These sorts of relationships, I file them under Bullets Dodged, and don’t analyze past “warning signs to watch out for in the future.”
February 8th, 2011 at 6:12 pm
First, I have to track down Part 1….
February 9th, 2011 at 7:30 am
I provided a link for you specifically, Lazy Guy. =)
February 8th, 2011 at 6:18 pm
Being a “lazy guy” I couldn’t make it to the end of this post. Something about Keifer?
February 9th, 2011 at 7:53 am
I guess I can overlook the fact that you didn’t finish this post since you read about 3 others looking for Part 1.
February 8th, 2011 at 7:14 pm
Here, here, follow your nose! You don’t have commitment issues, you have very good sense.
February 8th, 2011 at 9:20 pm
Yeesh, he’s disturbing.
February 8th, 2011 at 11:42 pm
“I want to be a dad with you.”
Not a turn on. That would’ve freaked me right out.
February 9th, 2011 at 7:54 am
It was shocking that this came out since we hadn’t even talked about marriage or anything else even remotely concerning the future.
February 9th, 2011 at 12:11 am
My friend’s boyfriend said “I love you” for the first time in a text message. And he didn’t even say “I love you.” He texted “459.” Which is “ILY” on the keypad. Which is supremely lame.
February 9th, 2011 at 7:44 am
That is awful! But good for her for figuring out what 459 meant. I would have thought, “What’s happening at 4:59?”
February 10th, 2011 at 10:40 am
I have no words for that behavior.
February 9th, 2011 at 7:45 am
I find it amusing that men are always complaining about our “biological clocks” pressuring them to have kids, when in my experience, it’s usually THEM window shopping at BabyGap!
February 9th, 2011 at 7:55 am
Really? Men like that exist? If things don’t work out with Kiefer, please send them my way.
February 10th, 2011 at 7:35 am
I’ll parcel up Chuckweasel for you if he starts that crap again! : )
February 9th, 2011 at 8:33 am
Holy crap! Drunken baby confessions….don’t they have show on TLC like that? lol
February 10th, 2011 at 1:32 pm
Do they? Can I get money from doing that show?
February 9th, 2011 at 12:22 pm
I agree with the other comments… I know it was a long distance relationship, but these are some pretty intense things to say over the phone for the first time. And, drunk. I would have probably freaked out a bit too.
February 9th, 2011 at 8:54 pm
A few things need to be said. First of all, you played off the “I love you” comment very well. Kudos! Second of all, him telling you he wants to be a dad? If I were you, I would’ve thrown up a little and ended it right there.
February 10th, 2011 at 10:41 am
You didn’t want it with him. Sure, you could’ve dated, but nothing that serious. Done and done.
Have you checked out the series Met Another Frog has on “I’m Not Ready” recently? Superawesome. http://www.metanotherfrog.com/
February 10th, 2011 at 1:36 pm
Hmmm…did you do a guest blog there recently? The name sounds familiar. I’ll have to check it out.