An envelope came yesterday from the State Comptroller. My first thought was, “Crap! Do I owe taxes already?”
Then I saw the words “State Lottery.”
Hells yeah!
Now (::tapping fingertips together::) what to do with my winnings…
- Get a penguin. And his name shall be “Pete the 2nd.” (You can call him Repete—thanks, Hipster.)
- Hire someone to train Pete the 2nd to be a butler.
- Build my dream house: The My Little Pony Dream Castle.
- Save money so I never have to work again. (That might mean sacrificing or downsizing the Dream Castle.)
- Cruise the Mediterrenean.
- Buy everyone in the world in a box of Pop-Tarts. (Maybe just family, friends, and fellow bloggers. Please comment with your flavor requests.)
My dreams have finally come true. All of the wishing on stars and at 11:11 every day has finally paid off.
No more dropping to my knees, arms outstretched to the sky, screaming, “When, Lord? When’s gonna be my time?”
Let me pause to give thanks where thanks is due.
- Thank you, Karma. (I’m pretty sure I won the lottery because I paid for a stranger’s coffee at Starbucks.)
- Thank you, Mom, for holding me in an extra week while you were pregnant. (I played my birthday as lottery numbers.)
- Thank you, Kiefer’s mom, for the same reason as above.
- And last but not least, thank you, Jiminy Cricket. (I always said you were real.)
How much did I win? Let’s open the envelope and find out, shall we?
$2!
Crap.
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January 6th, 2011 at 9:21 am
500,000 more of those and you will be a millionaire!
January 6th, 2011 at 9:33 am
Wait a sec- they contact you if you win the lottery??? Never heard of that. Don’t worry – the publisher’s clearinghouse sweepstakes is right around the corner so maybe this was just a teaser. Did Keifer lay claim to 1/2 since his birthday was part of the winning numbers?
January 6th, 2011 at 9:35 am
I submitted my comment too fast. I meant to say that if he did lay claim to 1/2 tell him next time under his rules possession is 9/10ths of the law so he is out of luck. Maybe next time he’ll think twice about stealing your sangria.
January 6th, 2011 at 9:42 am
I guess, time for half a starbucks instead. 🙂
January 6th, 2011 at 9:48 am
$2 equals 2 packages of Pop-Tarts in the vending machine at work. Sounds like you just won yourself a free breakfast (or lunch on a really busy day).
January 7th, 2011 at 7:51 am
Good point! Our vending machine Pop-Tarts kinda stink. They’re high up in the machine, and then they break when they fall down.
January 6th, 2011 at 10:11 am
Repete made me laugh out loud! Sister, you ever move into the my little pony dreamcastle and I may steal your sangria myself to distract you so I can run in and change the locks quick! I’m thinking that won’t work now that I’ve told you my plan? Curses. I’ll take Cinnamon Roll. And did you see that they came out with a vanilla milkshake pop tart?? I just was looking online at the flavors and almost passed out when I saw it! Dee-licious.
January 7th, 2011 at 7:56 am
No sangria stealing! There’s room in the castle for you to live there as well. You can have the West Wing.
Vanilla Milkshake Pop-Tart? I’ve been all over the puppy (poppy?) for months.
January 6th, 2011 at 10:56 am
That won’t even buy you a box of Pop-Tarts! 🙂 Sorry! LMAO!
January 7th, 2011 at 7:57 am
Are you laughing at my misfortune? Just kick me while I’m down why don’t ya!
January 6th, 2011 at 11:13 am
LMAO! For a moment I thought you were one of those Mega Millions winners 😉 $2 is still something…right?
January 7th, 2011 at 8:08 am
I guess it’s better than nothing.
January 6th, 2011 at 11:18 am
Wow that was a HUGE win, maybe just frame it and stick it on the wall with the words “cash in case of emergency,” oh and I’ll have chocolate poptarts 😛
January 7th, 2011 at 8:08 am
I love the cash in case of emergency idea!
January 6th, 2011 at 11:23 am
Hilarious! And congrats!
The important thing, I think, is to not let the money change you. Remember those of us who were your friends before we knew about your winnings. Be wary of anyone who tries to get friendly from now on!
January 7th, 2011 at 8:09 am
Good point. I’m sending you your share of the winnings now. A penny is headed your way!
January 6th, 2011 at 11:46 am
I really hope you win next time, because I want Pop-Tarts! Haven’t had one in decades…they still make cinnamon, right?
January 7th, 2011 at 8:10 am
You…haven’t…had…Pop-Tarts…in…decades…. Can’t type…in shock.
January 6th, 2011 at 12:18 pm
Yep. It was definitely the Starbucks coffee that did it!
January 6th, 2011 at 12:30 pm
Lol that is crap. It’s like when the Feds send a check for .48 cents due to over payment it cost more to get the money then it’s worth. But if you invest it your dreams can come true in 100 short years
January 7th, 2011 at 8:11 am
That’s my future baby’s college money right there. I hope they’re good at sports. They’re going to need some scholarships.
January 6th, 2011 at 12:44 pm
What the hell are you supposed to do with $2 these days? Pay a stripper for 30 seconds of her time?
January 7th, 2011 at 8:11 am
30 seconds? I was thinking I might be able to get one to shimmy in my general direction.
January 6th, 2011 at 12:46 pm
It’s two dollars more than you had before?
And you don’t have to send me the poptarts… if that helps…
January 7th, 2011 at 8:13 am
Right now I’m looking at cutting Pop-Tarts up into pieces and then sending them. That’s one more sprinkle for someone else. Thanks!
January 6th, 2011 at 12:54 pm
Dang, not even enough for my blueberry poptarts or a Starbucks! But just enough for you to try again! Keep us posted!
January 7th, 2011 at 8:14 am
Mmmm…You know what I just ate? A Blueberry Pop-Tart! When I win, a box of Blueberry is headed your way!
January 6th, 2011 at 1:17 pm
You win the lottery of our hearts every single day.
January 7th, 2011 at 8:15 am
Awwww… I’m so sending you Pop-Tarts.
January 6th, 2011 at 1:24 pm
My heart stopped for a minute… $2 LOL thats pretty funny can’t even get a gallon of gas where I live. Well I am a new follower and I love your blog!
January 7th, 2011 at 8:16 am
I can’t get a gallon of gas here either. I’m pretty sure I spent more on gas driving to the bank to get the check cashed.
Thanks for stopping by!
January 6th, 2011 at 1:45 pm
You are a sneaky one, you are! Ok, let’s talk about 11:11. I see that everywhere. That was also my former address. What magic do you attach to it? Really want to know. *iz
January 7th, 2011 at 8:17 am
Excellent question, Iz. So excellent that I posted about it today.
Oh, and I’m sooooo sneaky.
January 6th, 2011 at 1:49 pm
Cinnamon. Thank you.
January 7th, 2011 at 8:17 am
Cinnamon Roll or Brown Sugar and Cinnamon?
January 6th, 2011 at 2:08 pm
You can get a stuffed penguin for $2…and you won’t need to train it. Just a thought.
January 7th, 2011 at 8:18 am
True, but then I won’t have someone to bring me the box of wine from the fridge.
January 6th, 2011 at 2:59 pm
My fiance told me we’d won money as well. He was working, so even though I was quite excited, I knew it obviously wasn’t the jackpot if he was still sitting at his desk. I patiently waited for the amount, hoping it was $10,000. Even $1,000. Hell, I would have taken $100.
But I, too, got $2.
Sigh. Maybe someday.
But I vote for the penguin, too.
January 7th, 2011 at 8:19 am
Congrats on your winnings! Maybe if we combine our winnings we could come up with something cool to buy.
January 6th, 2011 at 3:19 pm
LMAO, sounds like just my luck. There are so many things you can do with $2. You can buy two king sized candy bars, one box of candy at blockbuster, send three letters, or buy the box of crayons needed to create a colorful pop-tart poster. If you want to it all, you’ll have to win 3 more times.
January 7th, 2011 at 8:20 am
You can buy 2 king-sized candy bars for $2? I’m moving to Vegas. I’m not sure I can buy a regular-sized candy bar for a $1 here.
January 6th, 2011 at 3:27 pm
This is good, I mean Go-o-o-o-d. Your stream of creativity never slows and I love it. Sorry about the castle, and had you won big the IRS would have gotten their third. So this way, they don’t get diddly. I would have asked for anything along the lines of chocolate fudge poptarts, or brown sugar ones.
January 7th, 2011 at 8:23 am
I love the chocolate ones!
My creativity was a little clogged…until I won the $2, I was like, “I have nothing to blog about.”
January 6th, 2011 at 9:46 pm
Oh my gosh, I laughed soooo hard at the end of this! Oh well, $2 is better than $0! 🙂
January 7th, 2011 at 8:24 am
Very true!
January 6th, 2011 at 10:15 pm
Also, I saw this and thought of you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLEkgiAAguU
January 7th, 2011 at 2:08 am
On the bright side, if you go to a nickel arcade you could have a night of crazy fun! 😮
January 7th, 2011 at 8:24 am
Interesting….Maybe I should go to the slots and try to win some more.
January 7th, 2011 at 8:06 am
well, I am heartbroken. I had already selected my room in the Castle (the tower, duh) and it was going to be filled with my favorite pop-tart flavor (which is edges — just the edges)… but now that I don’t know a multi-bazillionaire I guess I’ll just have to go back to breaking the edges off my OWN pop-tarts LIKE SOME KIND OF ANIMAL!
January 7th, 2011 at 8:26 am
The edges? Really? Interesting…I could do without the edges. You can have mine. Want me to start saving them up to send them to you?
The tower is yours! (When I get the castle.)
January 10th, 2011 at 7:38 am
I love the edges, in fact I will not buy the iced pop-tarts because sometimes they get the icing on my edges! If you could just put all your edges in a sack and send them to me, I would be the happiest Little Pony Princess ever!
January 7th, 2011 at 8:17 am
You know what you can do now? You can pull a Dave Chappelle skit! Run around dressed like Rick James yelling “I’m rich Bitch!”
Don’t spend it all in one place 😉
January 7th, 2011 at 8:26 am
I spent it already…in one place…on Cadbury Creme Eggs.
January 7th, 2011 at 11:25 am
Wow…a My Little Pony Dream Castle? I’ve never seen it…though I did have the My Little Pony Ranch…which was fanTAStic by the way. The ranch really sprawls…though a dream castle may be more conducive to minimalist urban design.
January 10th, 2011 at 7:06 am
I didn’t know there was a ranch!
January 7th, 2011 at 3:51 pm
Frosted Brown Sugar Cinnamon, please. I only need one. So your winnings should cover it, just in time for my bday!
January 10th, 2011 at 7:06 am
One box or one Pop-Tart? Or one two pack?
January 12th, 2011 at 4:32 pm
A single PopTart. Its all that it takes to make me happy.
January 7th, 2011 at 7:24 pm
Strawberry iced please. Have you arranged for a body guard to make sure you get home with your winnings.
January 10th, 2011 at 7:07 am
I was hoping you or The Jolie would be my body guard.
January 7th, 2011 at 7:47 pm
I’ll share with letmestartbysaying, just one frosted bs cinnamon ought to do it. I won the lottery this week also.$2. We should party!
January 8th, 2011 at 9:13 pm
Aww….you remembered Repete! I’d like strawberry frosted — and your $2 winning will be just enough to buy them. How d’ya like that? – I didn’t even buy anything for anyone at Starbucks and Karma is paying off anyway.
January 10th, 2011 at 7:07 am
Mmmm…strawberry frosted….
January 11th, 2011 at 2:17 pm
so funny that would be my luck too! $2…hahaha it probably took more money to process it!
January 12th, 2011 at 3:28 pm
Thank you for the laugh on a day my brain has been otherwise business-like and frazzled!
January 31st, 2011 at 2:04 am
I have to admit… and please don’t hate me for this… I have never had a Pop Tart. Not one, in my whole entire life. In Australia they don’t sell them at the grocery store so you have to buy them from a specialty store for something like a million dollars (or maybe, like, $10). So, I’ve never had a Pop Tart. I kind of want to try them though!
January 31st, 2011 at 7:52 am
Next time you’re at a specialty store, I think you should definitely splurpe a little. I recommend the smores flavor if you’re into chocolate.