Kiefer and I don’t know what we’re doing for New Years yet. I’m afraid. So very afraid.
I’ve never been much of a celebrater on New Year’s Eve, and here’s why:
Incident #1
There was this one time…in high school (not band camp)…a friend had a New Year’s Eve party, and he had fireworks.
High Schoolers + Fireworks = Bad Idea
A small firework went astray, and when we scattered to avoid being hit by the rogue flame, a huge football player tripped and accidentally tackled me to the ground.
He landed on top of me. He was twice my size. It hurt. A lot.
Incident #2
The New Year’s Eve between Mephistopheles and Kiefer, I was dating the 22-year-old.
He took me to a party, and I met a lot of people. Why did I meet so many people? Because he kept dragging me from room to room every few minutes.
Why the constant movement?
Because his exgirlfriend was stalking us. She was the drunk lion, and I was the unknowing gazelle.
Finally, the 22-year-old had to take a bathroom break. (Never break the seal!) The lioness made her move.
Drunk Lion: Hi. I’m 22’s exgirlfriend. You’re cute.
Gazelle: Uh, thanks. ::sensing danger and slowly backing away::
Drunk Lion: I like you. ::grabs gazelle’s rump::
And that, my blog friends, is why I’m nervous about New Year’s Eve.
Thoughts Appear 
December 29th, 2010 at 8:22 am
New years parties are always hit and miss. I think that’s why we fell in love with the this bowling thing the wife was talking about. I wish you guys luck. Oh and you need to add another rule to “never breaking the seal”. That is ALWAYS HOLD ON TO YOUR DRINK. š
December 29th, 2010 at 1:10 pm
Thy, Please smack your husband for me. =)
December 29th, 2010 at 4:50 pm
Will do! You don’t even have to ask twice! š
December 29th, 2010 at 5:29 pm
Who are you guys trying to kid. Thoughts never even had to ask
December 29th, 2010 at 9:42 am
I feel for anyone who likens themself to a Philadelphia Eagle – please don’t tell my brother or father that or I may be kicked right out of the family (and over the fence into the neighbors yard kind of like a fieldgoal). š I too would be wary after the lion attack but, now that you’ve petted a wolf, I think you have enough street cred to keep the lions at bay.
December 29th, 2010 at 1:10 pm
Animals I got down pat. People—not so much.
December 29th, 2010 at 10:57 am
I say get drunk at home and pass out in the bathtub. That’s how I celebrate most things. Like Wednesdays. I like to celebrate Wednesdays lik that.
December 29th, 2010 at 1:11 pm
Hmmm…I may join you this Wednesday. Oh wait… I’ve been promised ice cream tonight. Next Wednesday.
December 29th, 2010 at 11:07 am
Happy Holidays and (early) New Years!
Was the Lion cute as well? Oh, I kid! That is really..weird!
My last New Years disaster involved me accidently spilling my drink on some girl at midnight and waiting in my Husband’s friend’s lobby until 4am for a cab. Not fun!
December 29th, 2010 at 1:12 pm
Why shake hands when you can grab butts?
December 29th, 2010 at 11:11 am
Last year (last year?) a platonic friend of mine professed his love to me via monologue in front of several people. It was the perfect movie moment minus the fact I wasn’t at all interested and things just got painfully awkward from therein.
But here’s to hoping that both of our New Years go well this year!
December 29th, 2010 at 1:13 pm
Awk-ward!
December 29th, 2010 at 11:36 am
Oh my! Drunken ex’s are the worst!
Back in high school the guys would have bottle rocket wars where they would shoot them at each other. (safe I know) Well I got caught in the line of fire once and I took one in thigh….OUCH! I had a huge bruise for.ev.er! The age limit should be 30 on those darn things.
December 29th, 2010 at 1:13 pm
Ouch! That sounds really painful!
December 29th, 2010 at 12:29 pm
Hahah! She grabbed your butt? That’s one scary lion š
I mostly hate new years. T and I are staying in. We’ll probably be asleep. We’re old like that. š
December 29th, 2010 at 1:14 pm
I’ve always been asleep, but since it’s a kid-free New Years, Kiefer wants to go out. Next year though, next year I’m sleeping.
December 29th, 2010 at 12:57 pm
Too funny, the butt grabber, and not so funny, the squashing. Stay home, order Chinese, rent a movie, drink champagne, or hot cocoa, snuggle safely. Pop popcorn for the fireworks effect.
December 29th, 2010 at 1:15 pm
Mmmmmm…Chinese food and cocoa. All the good stuff begins with C.
Popcorn for the fireworks effect—I love this!
December 29th, 2010 at 12:57 pm
I once went to a New Years Eve party with my family and their close friends. There were a bunch of kids and teens at the party, and we set off fireworks. It was a fun party, and very tiring, and we got into quite some trouble by losing balls and flying saucers on neighbor’s roofs and in the top of very high trees. But I’ve always experienced pretty good New Years Eve things. And, I’m sorry to say, but this post made me crack up. Forgive me, but it was just kinda funny! Obviously not to you, heck no, but to the reader this post was great. LOL. May you have a happy, healthy, and above all SAFE New Year!
December 29th, 2010 at 1:17 pm
Fireworks are always fun! Especially when they’re illegal. They’re illegal where I live, so we got in quite a bit to trouble as well.
Looking back on it, the post makes me laugh, too. I wasn’t laughing during the initial butt pinch though.
I hope you have a nice New Years, too!
December 29th, 2010 at 1:52 pm
Well, a precedent for disaster HAS been set.
Best of luck with New Year.
December 29th, 2010 at 2:44 pm
If only you’d had a second glass of sangria…you could have jammed it in her hand and run.
Yeah, I know, it’s all I’ve got. She disturbs me, and I wasnt even there.
December 30th, 2010 at 9:06 am
If I’d been holding a drink, I’d have probably spilled it from shock.
December 29th, 2010 at 4:51 pm
I have had the same experience with the lion as you had, only it was a grope at the bar. Bowling with the kids is not full proof but much safer. You are welcome to join us!
December 29th, 2010 at 9:59 pm
I’m so over New Years! I put too much pressure on having fun and it’s never how I hope it would be. I’m probably going to hang out home and enjoy doing nothing.
December 29th, 2010 at 10:33 pm
That’s really funny, in a sad kind of way. Hopefully, Keifer doesn’t have any ex-girlfriends as goofy as the 22-year-old’s.
December 30th, 2010 at 7:05 am
In terms of things you thought the ex might do, I’m guessing that was pretty low on your list of expectations. “Oh, God, this chick is either going to go psycho and punch me in the face or pinch my butt.”
You and Keifer are welcome to join the Species crew for New Year’s. P. Motion is our only lion; we’ll make sure that he keeps his hands to himself.
December 30th, 2010 at 9:08 am
The butt pinch was definitely unexpected.
I’ll have to bring P. Motion some bling.
December 31st, 2010 at 12:52 am
I rang in 2002 in Times Square. My friend got in a fight w/ her boyfriend & his BFF had a crush on him so when he came out that afternoon after the initial blow up, things got progressively worse. I found myself hanging out w/ their leftover friend… we were both uncomfortable & decided to to our own thing. He didn’t speak to me all night so I started flirting w/ some drunk Greek guys. I was planning on this awesome makeout at midnight when Mr. Boring grabbed my arm & announced it was time to go. New Year’s Eve never recovered.
January 2nd, 2011 at 1:35 pm
oook – so inquiring minds want to know!! What did you end up doing?!
January 3rd, 2011 at 9:14 am
We went out for dessert, met Blarney at a bar for sangrias, went to another bar for free champagne, and left at 12:05. =)
January 2nd, 2011 at 10:26 pm
I hope you had a wonderful New Year’s Eve and that 2011 holds even more happiness and fun adventures.