Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones

It’s official: I’m in a harem. Finally, a chance to use my mad belly dancing skills. 

Why am I in a harem? Because A Piece of the Pie Hole (The Idiot Speaketh’s assistant) said so.

I have tons of admirable traits, but she chose to focus specifically on these:

  • An satiable love of Pop-Tarts. (It might be more of an addiction.)
  • A love of giving everyone on the planet nicknames.
  • A contagious smile. (Awwww….)

At first, I thought, “Nicknames? I do that? Really?”

Then this weekend, I had this conversation with a friend’s son. He’s 2. Maybe 3. I spent most of the night tickling his feet. I didn’t get around to asking him his age. Plus, like Tax Credit #4, he had a limited vocabulary.

Me: Those feet are mine!

2-Maybe-3: No! ::giggling::

Me: Can I have your hoodie?

2-Maybe-3: No.

Me: Can I have your cookie?

2-Maybe-3: No.

Me: Fine. Be that way, Hoodie McCookie.

Then I realized I do do (Ha ha, “do-do.” That’s what happens when you hang out with a 2-year-old.) that nickname thing. But I like it. I like it a lot.

My own cat probably doesn’t even know her name because I call her 50 other ones: Bay-bay, Stinky, Captain Stinky Pants, Munchkin, Baby Muffin, Monsieur.

Captain Stinky Pants’s Trick: She taunts you with her tummy and then attacks when you reach for her.

And look at my blog. Nicknames everywhere! (Which reminds me…if I’m in a harem, am I still allowed to have a boyfriend?)

And these nicknames are free for your use.

It’s a common misconception that nicknames have to be short. (Although I do like to refer to The Cheeky Bride as “Cheeky.”)

If you’re having trouble coming up with a nickname, my go-to nicknames are always Name-y McNames-Alot and Name-y McGee.

Example: Izzy McIzzes-Alot and Izzy McGee

And of course, Pete.


About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

24 responses to “Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones

  • 36x37

    It takes special skill to create a proper nickname. I also tend to nickname everyone, but the names never seem to stick. I’m glad you don’t have that same issue.

    Happy holidays!

  • hackingvegas

    I’m bad with names, so I tend to describe how I remember people when talking about them.
    *Me: you know the crack head blonde who gets around
    *Thy: who… Oh you mean Crystel
    And if I don’t remember your name I never even try to when talking to you

  • nikki04

    I wish I were better with nicknames. I’m not. I go with Name-y McName-y Pants or Name-y Face (aka… you’re not a cat, you’re Kitten Face).

    Don’t ask me. I don’t know.

  • Todd Pack

    I’m terrible with names. I’ve tried that repeat-the-name-3-times-when-you-meet-someone trick and it doesn’t work. I’ve gone years referring to people simply as “you.” Maybe calling them something like Namey-McGee would help, maybe.

    Merry Christmas!

  • Girls with Prius Envy

    Totally bad with names, too, Todd. I’ve even resorted to asking people how they spell their names and usually it works and I don’t think I come off as the a**hole that forgot their name. (I mean, even Amy has creative spellings: Aimee, Amee, Aaymee – what have you.)


  • J

    I give people nicknames too. But they’re usually under my breath. Like “old creepy guy from upstairs” and “the hottest lawyer I’ve ever met who really should date me.”

  • Lorraine

    NICKNAMES. I love them and they are like 50% of the entertainment I get from writing my blog. I like calling people by animal names or random objects, so that we know people in real life we call Lunchbox, Lampshade, Monkey, Lysol, etc.

    Any day I’m called a Sexpancake Girl is a good day. 🙂

  • Stacey

    I was just thinking the same thing the other day about our cats. Colby gets called Boy, Fat Boy, Fat Buddy, Buddy, pretty much anything that contains the words buddy or boy, Colby Cat-llat (Colbie Caillat), West, Westchesterson… Tootie is Toots, Tootsie Wootsie, Tootie Wooterson, Tootie Wootiewooterwooter, Wootie… The poor things.

  • Lisa

    I nickname my cats several names too. Esmy is just so precious!

  • Karin

    I too give my dogs nicknames. “Leave It” and “Knock It Off.”

  • alonewithcats

    My cats have so many nicknames that I’ve probably given them multiple personality disorder. They answer to almost everything I call them. And yet they still don’t understand “no.”

  • Chase McFadden

    Hoodie McCookie. That would be an awesome name for a children’s book. Or an alternative band.

    Some love for Tax Credit #4! Beautiful. I asked if he wanted me to type a message of thanks to you and he responded with an enthusiastic yes-no.

    The Sex Pancakes Girl? Sweet.

    Merry Christmas, oh haremed one.

  • The Flying Chalupa

    Oh, Thoughts, I do the nickname thing too! (please refer to the Nick-Anon post) Also, feel free to join Nick-Anon with me. We can sit in a circle and talk about our “problem” and then think up more nicknames for people.

    Have a wonderful holiday!

  • The Cheeky Bride

    Ooo, I’m a nickname freak. Back in college, when my friends and I played the drinking game Kings, we’d always choose “Nicknames” when someone pulled a Category card. We went around that circle for so long before someone finally had to drink. Love it 🙂

  • mairzeebp

    Harems are cool. Congrats on your collection :). And, I totally agree that nicknames do not need to be short. Often times mine are way longer than the actual name and require a hyphen or two. 🙂 I also have a habit of calling people by their full name or what I think their full name should be. Pete is Peter. Bob is Robert. My cat is Charlie Babbitt. Sometimes I call her Charles but, I usually refer to her as the bub. Shortest nickname I’ve ever used.

  • hoodyhoo

    okay, it’s official, we are separated at birth (DON’T DO THE MATH!). I call everyone “Something McSomethington” or, and I swear this is true… Pete.

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