A fortune cookie once said, “Marriage is annoying one special person for the rest of your life.” I think Kiefer Sutherland and I have laid some good groundwork.
One of my favorite things to do is annoy tease Kiefer Sutherland. I achieve annoyance ribbing in several ways.
1. Flicking. My chosen form of physical abuse. Flicking at random times works best for maximum annoyance, such as during a movie or while he is doing the dishes. Sometimes waking him up with a flick works nicely, too. Sometimes it backfires.
2. Calling him “old.” Kiefer is 8 years and 9 months older than me. Calling him “old” is so much fun and so easy. Here’s an example:
Me: Who sings this song?
Kiefer: Bruce Springsteen.
Me: Bruce Who?
3. Dessert challenge. My dessert intake is insane and can be matched by no one. I flaunt it regularly.
Me: How many cupcakes did you have?
4. Time-to-Get-Up Kiss. One of my favorite places to be is in Kiefer’s lap. Sitting on it, laying across it, whatever. Kiefer is a pretty good cuddler, but occasionally he misses his mobility. When he wants to get up, he gives me a certain kiss.
I don’t know how to describe it except that the kiss screams, “OH MY GOSH CAN WE PLEASE STOP CUDDLING NOW?! I’LL TRADE A KISS FOR MY FREEDOM!” (He thinks with an accent and war paint as well.)
He thinks he’s so slick that I don’t recognize the it’s-time-to-get-up kiss. But I do. Busted! Then I make fun of him. And in return, I get at least 2 more minutes of cuddling.
5. Being indecisive. This one is easy because I’m a naturally indecisive person.
Kiefer: Where would you like to go for dinner?
Me: Doesn’t matter.
Kiefer: You choose.
Me: I don’t want to go Macaroni Grill.
Me: ::smug look of satisfaction once I realize I annoyed him without even trying::