I don’t know if it was lack of sleep, PMS (TMI?), sugar overload followed by sugar withdraw, or just plain crankiness, but the weekend was rough. Yes, I had fun, but I also cried on and off all weekend.
I don’t remember why I was upset Sunday. Must have been very important. Obviously.
Saturday Kiefer said something to me that I thought showed his complete and utter fear of committment.
It’s not like I don’t know Kiefer is the biggest committment-phobe ever in the entire
planet galaxy universe. So I don’t understand why I get so upset when there’s an incident. Especially lately when there’s been a lack of incidents and he’s been making some great relationship strides.
But still…I get upset.
And I am excellent at hiding my tears. It’s an art I have perfected. I find that burying my head into Kiefer’s shoulder, pursing the lips shut, and concentrating on breathing through the nose keeps the tears to a manageable minimum.
Talking about what’s bothering me at the moment that it’s bothering me leads to several things happening:
- Incessant crying that makes intelligible speech impossible.
- Incessant crying leads to snot. Ewww.
- Entirely too emotional. Things that wouldn’t normally upset me begin to upset me because I’m already upset.
- Vengeful comments. I get hateful. I’m upset so I’m going to make you upset, too. So productive.
- Switching issues. I’m going to bring up everything that’s been upsetting me over the last year: “And then you gave me the smaller half of the cookie! Which proves you are a poo-head!”
- No closure. Because I’m busy switching topics, I don’t get closure on the original issue that upset me. Which leads me to bring it up the next day. And the day after that.
I brought it up to Kiefer the other night. We talked. I explained that the comment made me feel like he was distancing himself from me. He explained that’s the last thing I have to worry about. Phew.
So I worried for a few days about something I didn’t really need to worry about. Nice. Way to go, me.
Maybe next time I’ll bring it up right away (despite the snot flood).