Rock, Paper, Scissors…Skunk, Stink Bug, Zombie

It’s just days before Halloween…and you don’t have a costume yet. (We can’t be friends anymore.) Haven’t you been reading my blog? I’ve been blogging and preparing you for Halloween for months now. Months!

I know what you’re thinking: I still have a couple days.

Fine. Think that way. But print out this post and shove it in your pocket for future reference. And by “future,” I mean this weekend when you’re running around like a crazy person trying to find a decent costume.

By now, it’s entirely possible that all of the good costumes have been picked over. ::head shaking::

And the only costumes left are the lame ones. It’s ok. You still have a chance at an awesome Halloween costume.

Costume #1: The Skunk

This person is going about it all wrong. This person looks like Flower from Bambi.

Instead, talk with a French accent. Give out flowers to all of the ladies. Silly skunk is instanteously suave Pepe Le Pew. Say it with me: “Pepe Le Pew.” With a name like that, how can it not be an amazing costume?

Besides, the stinky skunk is in because everyone hates the stinky stink bug.

Costume #2: Zombies

Scenario: You go to your local costume store, and there aren’t any costumes. Because that’s what happens when you wait till the last minute. (I hope you’ve learned your lesson.)

Solution: Buy some fake blood and a make-up kit. You’ll have to endure the all-knowing stare and head shaking from the store clerk who knows you’re a procrastinator and are scrambling for a costume.

The clerk will probably ring you up extra slowly just to stress you out more. Remember, you have no one but yourself to blame. Stop strangling the clerk. He needs to oxygen to complete your transaction.

When you get home, shred up last year’s costume or regular clothes. Squirt some blood on it. Maybe roll around outside in the dirt a little. Wa-la! Zombie costume.

Next apply your zombie make-up. There are tons of websites with instructions.

Behold your impromptu zombie costume. You look great. Practice saying, “Braaaaaains.” You might need to add an extra “a” or two in there.

Lastly,  decide if you are a zombie who runs or only walks.

You’re welcome. Don’t let me catch you with your pants down (costumeless) next year.

About thoughtsappear

I eat lots of sugar. It's the only way to keep up with my new baby and to outrun zombies. View all posts by thoughtsappear

14 responses to “Rock, Paper, Scissors…Skunk, Stink Bug, Zombie

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